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Correction/No Time For Goodbye
Message de clairefr posté le 08-10-2011 à 14:10:05 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I'm improving grammar and comprehension through this really useful website but I really need to improve writing too!
So I'd be really happy if someone could correct this small text.
It's my first try and I found really hard to put into words what I was thinking, so I'm sorry if I have made mistakes.
Thank you for your help !
No One For Goodbye is a thriller novel written by Linwood Barclay.
Cynthia, fourteen years old, went out without her parents permission and had some arguments with her father about it. She came back home late in the evening and when she woke up, she was surprised to see that no one was in the house : neither her parents, nor her brother. She went to school expecting her parents to be back during her school day. But they never came back.
Twenty-five years later, Cynthia is still wondering what could have happened this night. Are her parents and her brother still alive ? Why did they disappeared ?
She takes part in a reality TV program, hoping that someone will remember that night and help her to understand what happened. Since the broadcast, some strange things are happening to her : a brown car seems to follow her and her daughter, she sees a man who is looking like her brother, she receives a strange letter, etc. Is she getting crazy or is she about to learn more about her past ?
Linwood Barclay keeps the reader in suspense until the last pages of this book. The ending is unexpected and obvious, horrific but also really human.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-10-2011 16:43
Message de clairefr posté le 08-10-2011 à 14:10:05 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I'm improving grammar and comprehension through this really useful website but I really need to improve writing too!
So I'd be really happy if someone could correct this small text.
It's my first try and I found really hard to put into words what I was thinking, so I'm sorry if I have made mistakes.
Thank you for your help !
No One For Goodbye is a thriller novel written by Linwood Barclay.
Cynthia, fourteen years old, went out without her parents permission and had some arguments with her father about it. She came back home late in the evening and when she woke up, she was surprised to see that no one was in the house : neither her parents, nor her brother. She went to school expecting her parents to be back during her school day. But they never came back.
Twenty-five years later, Cynthia is still wondering what could have happened this night. Are her parents and her brother still alive ? Why did they disappeared ?
She takes part in a reality TV program, hoping that someone will remember that night and help her to understand what happened. Since the broadcast, some strange things are happening to her : a brown car seems to follow her and her daughter, she sees a man who is looking like her brother, she receives a strange letter, etc. Is she getting crazy or is she about to learn more about her past ?
Linwood Barclay keeps the reader in suspense until the last pages of this book. The ending is unexpected and obvious, horrific but also really human.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-10-2011 16:43
Réponse: Correction/No Time For Goodbye de brettdallen, postée le 08-10-2011 à 16:44:27 (S | E)
Hello,
Except for a casual mistake here or there, you've done a very good job! The flow is good and the words are carefully chosen.
No One For Goodbye is a thriller novel written by Linwood Barclay.
Cynthia, fourteen years old, went out without her parents permission and had some arguments with her father about it. She came back home late in the evening and when she woke up, she was surprised to see that no one was in the house : neither her parents, nor her brother. She went to school expecting her parents to be back during her school day. But they never came back.
Twenty-five years later, Cynthia is still wondering what could have happened this(I'd say "that" because you're referring to a "past" night) night. Are her parents and her brother still alive ? Why did they disappeared("did + Verbal root") ?
She takes part in a reality TV program(or "show"), hoping that someone will remember that night and help her to(OK but not necessary) understand what happened. Since the broadcast, some strange things are happening(present perfect needed) to her : a brown car seems to follow her and her daughter, she sees a man who is looking(Why "be + -ing"?) like her brother, she receives a strange letter, etc. Is she getting crazy or is she about to learn more about her past ?
Linwood Barclay keeps the reader in suspense until the last pages of this book. The ending is unexpected and obvious(is it unexpected or obvious? I'd say "Once you know the ending, unexpected as it might seem, everything becomes obvious"), horrific but also really human(not very clear + "humane". Choose another adjective).
Hope this helps.
Réponse: Correction/No Time For Goodbye de clairefr, postée le 09-10-2011 à 17:38:52 (S | E)
Thank you Brettdallen for your help !
I need to work more verbs and tenses.
I made the corrections you suggested, here is my second try.
No One For Goodbye is a thriller novel written by Linwood Barclay.
Cynthia, fourteen years old, went out without her parents permission and had some arguments with her father about it. She came back home late in the evening and when she woke up, she was surprised to see that no one was in the house : neither her parents, nor her brother. She went to school expecting her parents to be back during her school day. But they never came back.
Twenty-five years later, Cynthia is still wondering what could have happened that night. Are her parents and her brother still alive ? Why did they disappear ?
She takes part in a reality TV show, hoping that someone will remember that night and help her understand what happened. Since the broadcast, some strange things have happened to her : a brown car seems to follow her and her daughter, she sees a man who looks like her brother, she receives a strange letter, etc. Is she getting crazy or is she about to learn more about her past ?
Linwood Barclay keeps the reader in suspense until the last pages of this book. Once you know the ending, unexpected as it might seem, everything becomes obvious. It is absolutely horrific but it also reveals the weakness of human nature.
Have a nice end of weekend,
Claire
Réponse: Correction/No Time For Goodbye de dsmith, postée le 10-10-2011 à 02:52:09 (S | E)
Hello Claire,
Excellent text! Congratulations. I have one small suggestion. We don't say someone is "getting crazy." We say they are "going crazy".
Doug
Réponse: Correction/No Time For Goodbye de clairefr, postée le 10-10-2011 à 14:34:48 (S | E)
Hello,
Thank you Doug ! I'll try to remember : going crazy !
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