Email/correction

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Email/correction
Message de emylie posté le 16-10-2011 à 17:08:22 (S | E | F)
Bonjour ,

j'ai un exercice à faire : écrire un mail à une famille américaine pour un échange .
J'aimerais savoir s'il y a des fautes s'il vous plaît ...

Dear Tess ,

I am a student and I am writing this mail to come to you for an exchange .
I’m Emilie ****** .
I’m 15 year old , and I come from France and I live in Txxx .
I’ve two sisters and two brothers , my sisters are called Sophie and Claire , Sophie is 32 years old she is accountant and Claire is 28 years old ,she is Secretary .My brothers are Christophe , he is 30 years old , he is policeman and Michaël he’s 22 years and he’s educator .
My parents are Bernard and Martine . My father is a Policeman and my mother hasn’t job . She is an housewife like you .
I hope come to you because I want to improve my English and I dream come to America .
Furthermore I’ve got Common point with your children : I love hang out with my friends and watch the movies .
I love pets , I’ve got a labrator and a cat too .
So , In my spare time I shop , listen music and dance classic and I play theatre.
I dance since my 4 years old and I love it and I play theatre since my 11 years old .
And you , do you speak French ? You , Tom or your children ?

Peace, Love and Empathy

Emilie ******

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Modifié par lucile83 le 17-10-2011 09:25

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Réponse: Email/correction de falula, postée le 17-10-2011 à 01:25:09 (S | E)
Bonjour Emilie !

J'ai corrigé ton votre mail. J'ai ajouté aussi quelques commentaires pour vous aider. J'espère que cela vous sera utile ! (Je suis désolée si mon français est mal mauvais, je suis américaine)

Dear Tess, (en anglais, pas d'espace avant ces signes de ponctuation)

I am a student and I am writing this mailletter to come to you for an exchange.
I’m Emilie *****.
I’m 15 year old, and I come from France and I live in Txxx.
I’ve two sisters and two brother, my sisters are called Sophie and Claire. Sophie is 32 years old, she is an accountant and Claire is 28 years old, she is a secretary. My brothers are Christophe, he is 30 years old, he is a policeman and Michaël he’s 22 years and he’s an educator. (un profession requiert un article)
My parents are Bernard and Martine. My father is a Policeman and my mother hasn’t job. She is an housewife like you.
I hope have come to you because I want to improve my English and I dream come of coming to America.
Furthermore I’ve got Common point something in common with your children: I love hanging out with my friends and watching the movies.
I love pets I’ve got a labrador and a cat too.
So, in my spare time I shop, listen to music and dance classic (I don't know if you mean "dance to classical music"?) and I play perform theatre.
I have danced since my 4 years old and I love it and I playhave done theatre since my 11 years old .
And you, do you speak French ? You, Tom or your children?

Peace, Love and Empathy

Emilie ******

Bonne chance!
Brittany

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Modifié par lucile83 le 17-10-2011 09:27

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Réponse: Email/correction de falula, postée le 17-10-2011 à 01:28:51 (S | E)
Oh, j'ai oublié cette phrase :

My father is a policeman and my mother has no job. She is (an) a housewife like you. (In English the "h" usually is not silent.)
et voilà

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Modifié par lucile83 le 17-10-2011 09:29
Hello falula, thank you for your message but we don't give any correction; we give hints so that the students can write a better text, that's all.Thank you.

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Réponse: Email/correction de sherry48, postée le 17-10-2011 à 14:41:31 (S | E)
Hi Emylie.
*=a missing word. green=spelling
I am a student and I am writing this mail to come to you for an exchange . (You write a letter or an email/e-mail.)
I’m Emilie ****** .
I’m 15 year old , (and) I come from France and I live in Txxx .
I’ve (or without the contraction) two sisters and two brothers , my sisters are called Sophie and Claire , Sophie is 32 years old she is * accountant and Claire is 28 years old ,she is * Secretary . (This sentence and the next are too long, and have too many commas-shorten them.)My brothers are Christophe , he is 30 years old , he is * policeman and Michaël he’s (Michael, he is not the usual way to write this in English)22 years (if you say years, there's a word missing) and he’s * educator .
My parents are Bernard and Martine . My father is a Policeman and my mother hasn’t (you could use the auxiliary verb 'to do' here) * job . She is an housewife like you .
I hope come (infinitive) to you because I want to improve my English and I dream * come (gerund) to America .
Furthermore I’ve got Common point (a better phrase exists for common)with your children : I love hang (gerund)out with my friends and watch (gerund) the movies .
I love pets , I’ve got a labrator and a cat too .
So , In my spare time I shop , listen * music and dance classic (wrong place) and I play (different verb) theatre.
I dance (not present tense, since you began in the past and continue to the present) since my (subject and verb?) 4 years old and I love it and I play theatre since my 11 years old .
And you , do you speak French ? You , Tom or your children ? (I would put the man's name in the first sentence, but probably not his first name.)
Sherry

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