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Correction /EE -1ère
Message de ryu40 posté le 02-01-2012 à 15:48:56 (S | E | F)
Bonjour/Bonsoir,
Je dois rendre une expression écrite d'anglais dans la semaine, il s'agit d'une nouvelle de 4 pages,le souci étant que j'ai tendance à faire de sales fautes dans les temps (prétérit notamment...), pour ce qui est du vocabulaire ça peut aller.
Je suis dessus depuis hier soir pour l'inventer + la corriger, je suis vraiment à bout donc je demande de l'aide à des personnes sympathiques qui auraient le courage (en plus de lire mon histoire farfelue) de déceler mes fautes...Je vous en serai très reconnaissant !
Par contre comme c'est sous word et que ça fait 4 pages j'ai fait un lien mediafire pour le télécharger :
Lien internet
Vous remerciant d'avance...
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2012 18:11
Message de ryu40 posté le 02-01-2012 à 15:48:56 (S | E | F)
Bonjour/Bonsoir,
Je dois rendre une expression écrite d'anglais dans la semaine, il s'agit d'une nouvelle de 4 pages,le souci étant que j'ai tendance à faire de sales fautes dans les temps (prétérit notamment...), pour ce qui est du vocabulaire ça peut aller.
Je suis dessus depuis hier soir pour l'inventer + la corriger, je suis vraiment à bout donc je demande de l'aide à des personnes sympathiques qui auraient le courage (en plus de lire mon histoire farfelue) de déceler mes fautes...Je vous en serai très reconnaissant !
Par contre comme c'est sous word et que ça fait 4 pages j'ai fait un lien mediafire pour le télécharger :
Lien internet
Vous remerciant d'avance...
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2012 18:11
Réponse: Correction /EE -1ère de gerondif, postée le 02-01-2012 à 17:28:14 (S | E)
votre page 1
rose: à corriger. vert : correction offerte!
It’s sad but true, the ghosts were attached during longtime to the death, the sadness and the gothic, but why ? Why I must tell(forme interrogative) a sad story ? Sick(sens?), I’ll tell you a good story of ghosts, the story of METAL GHOST SOLID !
METAL GHOST SOLID plutôt solid metal ghost
During the night of the 27th Monday (pas dans l'ordre, manque le mois)of the year 2011 in the Texas, the “Load and Reload”, the greatest local group, played some of the greatest hits in the history of the Metal Music written by Slash, Metallica or Iron Maiden.
It was the intermission, Chad, Julius and Josh the members of the band, took a coffee :
“Chad ! Why did you broken this guitar ?!
- It is for the fun ! Don’t worry, I have a second guitar in the car…
- It’s not my problem ! You sick ! I left the band, cope you (traducteur???)!”
- Julius, don’t be stupid !
- Bye !
- …Well we are two…Nevermind, Chad go take (familier)your guitar”
Chad, the lead guitarist and a great metal head, went take (familier)his second guitar nicknamed “The Guitar-Blade”, the weather was very strange, a mix of dangerous storms and a clear sky..
He took his guitar but suddenly, a violent storm crashed Chad and his instrument! A heavy rain descends(prétérit) in the place where Chad was…But Chad has(plutôt ptétérit ou plus que parfait) disappeared with The Guitar-Blade….
Chad reappeared on the bottom of a great fountain (il respire comment?), a sweet melody welcome(prétérit) him…He awoke.
“Hey hey hey man, what are you doing here ?!”
- W...What ?!”
A ghost suddenly appeared in front of him !
“What the…A ghost!!! But…I know you...You’re…You’re Bon Scott ! The singer of AC/DC !!! It’s a dream…a dream…
- No boy, it’s not a dream, you’re here with me my friend !
- Ah ah…Well, I’ll wake up, I’ll take my guitar and I return in the real life Ok? Ah ah Goodbye Scott.
- You can’t Chad, you’re blocked here.
- But no! I want to return in the Texas man !
- You can...But not now, if you are here, there is a reason.
- What is the reason ?
- A quest, stupid metalhead !”
A second voice, it’s a second ghost..
votre page 2
“Well Kurt, you can(could) be more polite..
- You are Kurt Cobain ?!...But what is this ?! Where I am ?!!
- Listen to me Chad, you are in the Paradise of Rock where the great rockers take some rest…But only the dead ones like me, Kurt or Jimi !
- And…?
- And we have a problem…The Death challenged the God of Rock, our master, but he died with a chicken soup the last week, you’re our last hope, you were chose by the great council.
- And what should I do?
- You have to challenge The Death on a guitar duel during two hours.
- Two hours ?!
-It’s too(manque un mot) for you young boy ?
- Kurt…Well, if you declines the duel, The Death will destroy rock, rock’n roll, metal, grunge and all the musical styles, except classical music.
- Hum, the consequences are grave..
- Yes, move you’re a..!(sens?)
- Hmm, it’s time to meet the spirit of Rock.
- The spirit of Rock ?
- Follow me.”
The group went to a great hill, where a temple was littered.(traducteur???) The hill was surrounded by a lot of ghosts, perhaps Paul Gray or Janis Joplin was(pluriel) in this temple..
One hour later, the group was arrived.(traducteur???)
The temple was crowded by a lot of ghosts, some faces were familiars , all eyes were on Chad.
“This is Chad, our hope, a great guitarist!
- Oh yeah Chad! Welcome in the temple of the spirit of Rock where the council is, we’ll explain to you your objectives.
- Before the duel that ** *** held tomorrow, you must train
- Yes yes…and what should I do? I’m tired of this story and the reader also(too)! Action!
- Well, you have to overlap(sens?) Icarus the winged-man and play the guitar to 1000 meters, GO!”
Icarus was appeared behind Chad and rose in the sky.
“ Whow, back down stupid phantom ! Back down!
- No no, plug your guitar in my neck Whouuuuhouuu !!”
Chad obeyed, his Guitar-Blade reached the fifty thousand Watts! Later, the objective was accomplished…
“ Yeah good vibration! It is (il y a) a last mission…An unarmed combat against Strogos, the stronger ghost! “
- Yeah...Ok!”
Réponse: Correction /EE -1ère de gerondif, postée le 02-01-2012 à 17:29:45 (S | E)
votre page 3
After these words, Chad felt some vibrations from the earth…Strogos was behind Chad.
The combat lasted five hours…Chad was covered of blood and hurts but it resists .
“ Arr…But…I’ve never see a ghost with legs...Ghosts float !”
Chad struck the legs of the phantom, they broke instantly and Strogos was blocked!
“Ah ah ah ah, you’ve find the handicap of Strogos ! Good, very good!
- Hmm, It was a stupid fight, the real enemy is The Death!
- Yes, but it was a test! Well, the duel can begin…But before that, you must have a big beard like the God of Rock!
- If you want(like)…But the problem is that I’m beardless.
- Hum...A beardless rocker…Good Joke ! Take this beard piece !”
After that Chad took his fake beard and his Guitar-Blade, the council went in the Wasteland with him, where the duel with The Death was held…
“ Well Chad…It’s time to defeat The Death on this guitar duel, you have all the competences of the God of Rock and the ghosts of Rock, wait *** your enemy here, we leave you alone…Good Luck !”
The council shook their hands with the sign of the metal heads and they disappeared on a heavy cloud of smoke.
Chad was alone in this wasteland, an arid earth where nothing lives, he looked *** his Guitar-Blade, stroked her(personnification féminine ou traducteur?) and he spoke alone…He meditated.
Suddenly, the earth was cracked revealing lava and the Hell, a monster bred out of this breach.
He was very tall, strong and scary.
“Well, you’re the challenger? Hmmm you haven’t got a chance against me!
- I’m not afraid; you’re just a Heavy metal buffalo without musical harmony! Let’s play!!
- Eh eh, if you want(like)...”
The Death took his bag and pulled an accordion, he began a Czechoslovak ballet, this music attracted the Nature and a lot of flowers growing around him.
“What the…
- Well Chad ! You don’t like my music ? Did(impératif) better!”
Chad was disabled (ne convient pas) after this strange music…He took his electric guitar and he played a song of by Django Reinhardt.
“Hum strange mix…An electric guitar with a Gypsy song…Interesting! well…Continue !”
votre page 4
Chad continued his music and The Death danced with him, they had become friends…
The council observed the duel carefully.
“What the…what do they do (présent en ing préférable)??
- I don’t know…It’s not rock music ! It was a stupid idea!! Stop this!!”
The council ran in the direction of Chad and The Death who discussed(prétérit en ing préférable).
“Humm Chad, they want to stop our conversation, you know, you have to forget these idols and looking in the future! These guys block your imagination because you are too inspired by them, they are your real enemies! I’ll bring you in the Texas, but for the moment, fight!”
The two friends attacked the ghost armies with their instruments that shot a lot of notes!
“They are too many, we have to escape, take my hand!”
Chad and The Death flew on the sky, a magical portal appeared and they took him(traducteur??).
They fell on the scene of the concert of
Chad whispered at The Death :
“ Can you play drums ? The drummer has left the band…”
- No problem my friend ! One two three four… !
The band, with the strange look of The Death, won a great success across the world, finally the music styles kept our(pourquoi "nos") liberties and a lot of different musical styles were born, the Paradise of Rock was just a façade of a Perfect World living in the Past.
John Lennon, a great philosopher said:
“Living in the past, that’s not Rock and Roll, be yourself and Imagine.”
This is the moral of this novel(a novel: un roman. a short story: une nouvelle), it’s not just a ghost novel who want to be funny, this novel wants to be original and off the road like the hero, Chad.
Thank you for reading !
p.s. le 06/01/2012 en tant que correcteur, c'est parfois bien d'avoir des nouvelles des personnes qui nous demandent de l'aide urgente. C'est toujours décevant de vous consacrer 20 ou 30 minutes pour voir ensuite les sujets tomber aux archives sans suites....
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