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Raconter/scène de film
Message de schweppes posté le 15-05-2012 à 22:29:47 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Nous avons regardé le film Kony 2012. Le professeur nous demande de nous mettre à la place de Jacob, qui a assisté à la mort de son frère et de raconter cette scène (qui n'est pas dans le film). Le texte doit être à la première personne du singulier.
Désolé, ce n'est rien de très joyeux ... :/
Est-ce que vous pourriez me dire si j'ai fait des fautes s'il vous plait ?
Merci pour votre aide
It was a Sunday morning. I was with my brother in a shed in order to get away from the rebels. I was young and scared. My brother says me that I didn’t have to be scared. I had to stay quiet and don’t make noise. He was searching something to eat and I was waiting. I had to hide me. And few minutes later I heard my brother run and he was yelling: “Jacob! Run for it! The rebels are here!”
He picked me up and I had to scale a tree in order to protect me. He helped me and when the rebels are coming, he was trying to scale another tree too. He gets caught and I saw the rebels to tie him. He motions to me to stay hide and to be quiet. I was crying. The rebels were laughing and at a moment I have said: “Let him go!” They didn’t know where I was and they searched me everywhere. Next, since they didn’t have found me they stopped to search and they mad fun my brother.
I saw then, who the rebels blocked my brother, they was three for hold him. And another was striking on him. When he was unconscious, one man come and shot a pellet in his head … that was horrible. They have taken his body and put him on a car. I was crying, I have cried all of the day, and I had walking all of the night. The next day, when I was in a warehouse, I met Jason …
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-05-2012 23:08
Message de schweppes posté le 15-05-2012 à 22:29:47 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Nous avons regardé le film Kony 2012. Le professeur nous demande de nous mettre à la place de Jacob, qui a assisté à la mort de son frère et de raconter cette scène (qui n'est pas dans le film). Le texte doit être à la première personne du singulier.
Désolé, ce n'est rien de très joyeux ... :/
Est-ce que vous pourriez me dire si j'ai fait des fautes s'il vous plait ?
Merci pour votre aide
It was a Sunday morning. I was with my brother in a shed in order to get away from the rebels. I was young and scared. My brother says me that I didn’t have to be scared. I had to stay quiet and don’t make noise. He was searching something to eat and I was waiting. I had to hide me. And few minutes later I heard my brother run and he was yelling: “Jacob! Run for it! The rebels are here!”
He picked me up and I had to scale a tree in order to protect me. He helped me and when the rebels are coming, he was trying to scale another tree too. He gets caught and I saw the rebels to tie him. He motions to me to stay hide and to be quiet. I was crying. The rebels were laughing and at a moment I have said: “Let him go!” They didn’t know where I was and they searched me everywhere. Next, since they didn’t have found me they stopped to search and they mad fun my brother.
I saw then, who the rebels blocked my brother, they was three for hold him. And another was striking on him. When he was unconscious, one man come and shot a pellet in his head … that was horrible. They have taken his body and put him on a car. I was crying, I have cried all of the day, and I had walking all of the night. The next day, when I was in a warehouse, I met Jason …
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-05-2012 23:08
Réponse: Raconter/scène de film de notrepere, postée le 15-05-2012 à 23:30:35 (S | E)
Hello
It was a Sunday morning. I was with my brother in a shed in order to get away from the rebels. I was young and scared. My brother says
me that I didn’t have to be scared. I had to stay quiet and don’t make noise. He was searching something to eat and I was waiting. I had to hide me. And a few minutes later I heard my brother run and he was yelling: “Jacob! Run for it! The rebels are here!”He picked me up and I had to scale a tree in order to protect me
. He helped me and when the rebels are coming(temps), he was trying to scale another tree too. He gets(temps) caught and I saw the rebels to tie him. He motions to me to stay hide(temps) and to be quiet. I was crying. The rebels were laughing and at a moment I have said(temps): “Let him go!” They didn’t know where I was and they searched [préposition manquante] me everywhere. Next, since they didn’t have found(temps) me they stopped to search(forme -ing) and they mad(orthographe) fun of my brother.I saw then, who the rebels blocked my brother, they was three for hold him
(Phrase à revoir ; il n'a aucun sens). And another was striking on him. When he was unconscious, one man come and shot a pellet in his head … that was horrible. They have taken(temps) his body and put him on a car. I was crying, I have cried(temps) (temps) Réponse: Raconter/scène de film de schweppes, postée le 16-05-2012 à 05:56:18 (S | E)
Thank you
Is it better ? It was a Sunday morning. I was with my brother in a shed in order to get away from the rebels. I was young and scared. My brother said me that I didn’t have to be scared. I had to stay quiet and didn’t make noise. He was searching something to eat and I was waiting. I had to hide. And a few minutes later I heard my brother run and he was yelling: “Jacob! Run for it! The rebels are here!”
He picked me up and I had to scale a tree in order to protect I. He helped me and when the rebels came, he was trying to scale another tree too. He got caught and I saw the rebels tie him. He motions to me to stay hid and to be quiet. I was crying. The rebels were laughing and at a moment I said: “Let him go!” They didn’t know where I was and they searched to me everywhere. Next, since they didn’t find me they stopped searching and they made fun of my brother.
I saw then, three rebels blocked and held my brother. And another was striking him. When he was unconscious, one man come and shot a pellet in his head … that was horrible. They took his body and put him on a car. I was crying, I cried all day long, and I walked all through the night. The next day, when I was in a warehouse, I met Jason …
Réponse: Raconter/scène de film de notrepere, postée le 16-05-2012 à 07:13:57 (S | E)
Hello Yes, it is better.It was a Sunday morning. I was with my brother in a shed in order to get away from the rebels. I was young and scared. My brother said
(on ne dit pas: said me; utilisez le verbe 'tell' en temps correct) me that I didn’t have to be scared. I had to stay quiet ('keep quiet' est la bonne expression) and didn’t make noise (not make any noise). He was searching [verbe à particule; traduction en anglais du verbe 'chercher') something to eat and I was waiting. I had to hide. And a few minutes later I heard my brother run and he was yelling: “Jacob! Run for it! The rebels are here!”He picked me up and I had to scale a tree in order to protect I
(quelle est la forme reflexive de 'I'?). He helped me and when the rebels came(OK, mais past continuous serait mieux), he was trying to scale another tree too. He got caught and I saw the rebels tie him up. He motions(temps) to me to stay hid (remain hidden) and to be quiet. I was crying. The rebels were laughing and at that moment I said: “Let him go!” They didn’t know where I was and they searched to(mauvaise préposition) me everywhere. Next, since they didn’t find me they stopped searching and they made fun of my brother.I saw then, three rebels blocked and held my brother. And another was striking him. When he was unconscious, one man come and shot a pellet in his head … that was horrible. They took his body and put him on a car. I was crying, I cried all day long, and I walked all through the night. The next day, when I was in a warehouse, I met Jason …
Réponse: Raconter/scène de film de schweppes, postée le 16-05-2012 à 13:24:42 (S | E)
It was a Sunday morning. I was with my brother in a shed in order to get away from the rebels. I was young and scared. My brother told me that I didn’t have to be scared. I had to keep quiet and not make any noise. He was looking for something to eat and I was waiting. I had to hide. And a few minutes later I heard my brother run and he was yelling: “Jacob! Run for it! The rebels are here!”
He picked me up and I had to scale a tree in order to protect myself. He helped me and when the rebels were coming, he was trying to scale another tree too. He got caught and I saw the rebels tie him up. He motioned to me to remain hidden and to be quiet. I was crying. The rebels were laughing and at that moment I said: “Let him go!” They didn’t know where I was and they searched for me everywhere. Next, since they didn’t find me they stopped searching and they made fun of my brother.
I saw then, three rebels blocked and held my brother. And another was striking him. When he was unconscious, one man come and shot a pellet in his head … that was horrible. They took his body and put him on a car. I was crying, I cried all day long, and I walked all through the night. The next day, when I was in a warehouse, I met Jason …
Is it OK ? Thank you very much for your help
Réponse: Raconter/scène de film de notrepere, postée le 16-05-2012 à 15:28:28 (S | E)
HelloEverything is fine. I would only change one sentence:
Then I saw three rebels blocking and restraining my brother.
Réponse: Raconter/scène de film de schweppes, postée le 16-05-2012 à 17:49:10 (S | E)
Thank you very much ! :D
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