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Correction/ association
Message de schweppes posté le 17-05-2012 à 10:12:46 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je suis en 1ère et dans le cadre des cours je dois écrire un texte dans lequel je dois dire si je suis prête à m'engager dans une association et pourquoi.
Est-ce qu'il serait possible de me corriger mon texte s'il vous plaît ?
Merci d'avance
Nous faisons ce travail après avoir regardé le film "Kony 2012", voilà pourquoi j'en parler dans mon texte et pourquoi je me base sur leurs actions.
I think I’m ready to get involved into a charity. Indeed, next to have saw the movie “Kony 2012”, I awareness how an organization can be important and make the difference for persons who have a wolf at the door. We can, together, help these people to better them standard of living. I guess to rejoin a guild is free and can provide brownie points for everyone: person needing help and person helping. It allows developing the solidarity between world’s populations. It can prevent the selfishness and the withdrawal. Charity how “Invisible children” had been really criticized but it rebuilt schools, houses, and the people and providing children with scholarship too. The association gave hope back to the population by creating jobs. We don’t need to be rich or famous, only have urge to support poor people.
I believe I would be ready to support people with an association’s help, because I find that important and useful for everybody. We just have to have time and urge in order to make things change. Although make things change can be very long and difficult. But unity is strength : more we are for a cause, more we can to be efficient !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 17-05-2012 10:31
Message de schweppes posté le 17-05-2012 à 10:12:46 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je suis en 1ère et dans le cadre des cours je dois écrire un texte dans lequel je dois dire si je suis prête à m'engager dans une association et pourquoi.
Est-ce qu'il serait possible de me corriger mon texte s'il vous plaît ?
Merci d'avance
Nous faisons ce travail après avoir regardé le film "Kony 2012", voilà pourquoi j'en parler dans mon texte et pourquoi je me base sur leurs actions.
I think I’m ready to get involved into a charity. Indeed, next to have saw the movie “Kony 2012”, I awareness how an organization can be important and make the difference for persons who have a wolf at the door. We can, together, help these people to better them standard of living. I guess to rejoin a guild is free and can provide brownie points for everyone: person needing help and person helping. It allows developing the solidarity between world’s populations. It can prevent the selfishness and the withdrawal. Charity how “Invisible children” had been really criticized but it rebuilt schools, houses, and the people and providing children with scholarship too. The association gave hope back to the population by creating jobs. We don’t need to be rich or famous, only have urge to support poor people.
I believe I would be ready to support people with an association’s help, because I find that important and useful for everybody. We just have to have time and urge in order to make things change. Although make things change can be very long and difficult. But unity is strength : more we are for a cause, more we can to be efficient !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 17-05-2012 10:31
Réponse: Correction/ association de notrepere, postée le 17-05-2012 à 17:21:14 (S | E)
HelloI think I’m ready to get involved into
(mauvaise préposition) a charity. Indeed, next to have saw(mauvaise traduction de 'avoir vu'?) the movie “Kony 2012”, I awareness(forme et temps) how an organization can be important and make the difference for persons(il faut remplacer 'person' avec 'people' dans ce texte) who have a wolf at the door(au sens de?). We can, together(mal placé), help these people to better them standard of living. I guess to rejoin
a guild is free and can provide brownie points(cette expression ne va pas dans le contexte) for everyone: person needing help and person helping. It allows developing the solidarity between the world’s populations. It can prevent the selfishness and the withdrawal. Charity how “Invisible children” had been really criticized but it rebuilt schools, houses, and the people and providing children with scholarships too. The association gave hope back to the population by creating jobs. We don’t need to be rich or famous, only to have an urge to support poor people.I believe I would be ready to support people with an association’s help, because I find that important and useful for everybody. We just have to have time and an urge in order to make things change. Although make
(forme -ing) things change can be very long and difficult(pas le bon mot) ! -------------------
Modifié par notrepere le 17-05-2012 17:22
Réponse: Correction/ association de schweppes, postée le 17-05-2012 à 18:03:42 (S | E)
I think I’m ready to get involved with a charity. Indeed, next I saw the movie “Kony 2012”, I awaked how an organization can be important and make the difference for people who are in want. Together, we can help these people to better their standard of living. I guess to rejoin Je ne suis pas sure de la conjugaison
a guild is free and can provide positive sides for everyone: people needing help and helper. It allows developing the solidarity between the world’s populations. It can prevent selfishness and withdrawal. An association how “Invisible children” had been really criticized but it rebuilt schools, houses, and the people and providing children with scholarships too. The association gave hope back to the population by creating jobs. We don’t need to be rich or famous, only to have an urge to support poor people.I believe I would be ready to support people with an association’s help, because I find that important and useful for everybody. We just have to have time and an urge in order to make things change. Although making things change can be very long and difficult. Unity is strength: the more we are for a cause, the more we can be effective Le mot est-il plus approprié ?!
Is it better ?
Thank you for your help
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