Vérification /vacances USA

Vérification /vacances USA
Message de eagle posté le 10-09-2012 à 00:03:49 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde,

je suis en première et je dois faire un oral sur une partie de mes vacances.
J'aimerais que quelqu'un corrige mes fautes s'il vous plaît.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.

Hello everybody, i'm going to tell you a part of my holidays.
This summer, I left my family one month to go to USA in a foster family. This is is kind of ritual, every child has to go over to practise his english and get more independant.
Most of the time, I have lived in Palm Beach, it's near to Miami. I was with William, he is a vietnam veteran soldier and his wife jane, she does the best cookies that I've ever tasted. They were really relax and with them I saw the fireworks of the fourth of july.Over there, I have met cuban boys with who I played football sometimes on a school's plyground.
I knew some other people in US, so I could have visit New york city, see a Yankee's match and walk into manhattan.
The last week, I have reached my uncle to San Francisco and we went to Yosemitte park three days.
Actually, I think It's the best trip that I have ever done because I have improved my english, It made discovered an other culture, I've met a lot of nice people and It made grow.

Si vous trouvez que les phrases sont mal faites, dites-moi ce qu'il faut que je change. Merci, eagle

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Modifié par lucile83 le 10-09-2012 07:27

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Réponse: Vérification /vacances USA de bernard02, postée le 10-09-2012 à 00:53:05 (S | E)
Bonjour,

j'ai déjà noté quelques fautes, me semble-t-il, que je vous ai repérées en rouge.

Attention, il ne s'agit que d'un survol rapide, ce n'est sûrement pas exhaustif, mais vous pouvez commencer par regarder ces quelques points et nous renvoyer une nouvelle version modifiée, en attendant les avis complémentaires des experts.

Hello everybody, i'm (I majuscule) going to tell you a part of my holidays.
This summer, I left my family one month to go to USA in a foster family. This is is (un is en trop et il manque un article)kind of ritual, every child has to go over to practise his english and get more independant.
Most of the time, I have lived in Palm Beach, it's near to Miami. I was with William, he is a vietnam veteran soldier and his wife jane, she does the best cookies that I've ever tasted. They were really relax and with them I saw the fireworks of the fourth of july.Over there, I have met cuban boys with who I played football sometimes on a school's plyground.
I knew some other people in US, so I could have visit New york city, see a Yankee's match and walk into manhattan.
The last week, I have reached my uncle to San Francisco and we went to Yosemitte park three days (manque quelque chose).
Actually, I think It's the best trip that I have ever done because I have improved my english, It made discovered an other culture, I've met a lot of nice people and It made grow.

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Réponse: Vérification /vacances USA de nongprue, postée le 10-09-2012 à 07:24:40 (S | E)
Bonjour voici mon avis

Hello everybody,
i'm I'm going to tell you a part of my holidays.
This summer, I left my family one month to go to the USA in a foster family. This is is a kind of ritual,
e Every child has to go over to practise practice his e English and to get become more independant independent.
Most of the time, I have lived in 'Palm Beach', it's near to Miami. I was with William, he who is a v Vietnam veteran soldier ( and his wife ) whose the wife, j Jane, she does the best cookies that I've ever tasted. They were really relax relaxing and so with them I saw with them the fireworks of the fourth of july fourth of July fireworks (ou) on the forth of July fireworks.Over there, I have met cuban boys with who I played football sometimes on a school's plyground sometimes I played football on the playground.
I knew some other people in the US USA, so I could have visit visited New y York city, see a Yankee's match and walk into m Manhattan.
The last week, I have reached my uncle to San Francisco( I have reached impossible car c'est ici daté) I contacted my uncle at San Francisco (ou si vous utilisez to ) I went to San Francisco to contact (find)(meet) my uncle and we went to Yosemitte park for three days.
Actually, I think It's that it was the best trip that I have ever done because I have improved my e English (My English has been improved serait à mon avis mieux puisque il s'agit d'un résultat du passé ), It made me discovered an other culture It made me discover another culture, I've I met a lot of nice people and It for having made me grow made me et non made grow.
cette phrase me parait confuse car encore une fois vous vous reprenez en utilisant "and it" ( toujours and et It au milieu d'une phrase )

Vous oubliez à mon avis beaucoup les majuscules, vous utilisez trop "it" au lieu de "that", "which", "who"" alors que votre phrase n'est pas terminée.
Vous utilisez trop "and" ce qui est à éviter. Attention aux pronoms "it made me" et vous tournez trop vos phrases à la française.
l'anglais me disait un de mes correspondants commence par le moins important pour terminer vers le plus important.
par exemple :

I finished my work late tonight so I won't linger as I am tired.
Peut-être dirions nous en français plutôt " Je suis fatigué et je ne m'attarderai donc pas car j'ai ce soir fini tard le travail "

Enfin je termine en disant que bien que je lise beaucoup et correspond beaucoup je ne suis qu'un élève de ce site qui doit encore progresser et donc je laisserau aux confirmés donner leur avis.
Merci à vous d'accepter ma participation et bonne chance pour votre oral.

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Réponse: Vérification /vacances USA de eagle, postée le 10-09-2012 à 18:54:23 (S | E)
Merci à vous deux, nongprue et bernard02, pour m'avoir aidé et corrigé mes fautes.
Nongprue, j'ai noté tes remarques à la fin de ton message et je vais tout de go chercher des exercices qui traitent de ce sujet.
Merci, eagle.

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Réponse: Vérification /vacances USA de lemagemasque, postée le 10-09-2012 à 20:06:28 (S | E)
Hello,

"Near to" existe en anglais britannique mais est moins utilisé que near.

Bonne soirée !

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Réponse: Vérification /vacances USA de notrepere, postée le 11-09-2012 à 03:39:47 (S | E)
Bonjour

Hello everybody, I'm going to tell you a part about a portion of my holidays.
This summer, I left my family for one month to go to the USA. I stayed with a host family a foster family(1). This is a kind of ritual, every child has to go over to practise his English and get gain more independence (2).
Most of the time, I have lived (3) in Palm Beach, it's near to which is near Miami. I stayed with William who is a Vietnam veteran soldier and his wife Jane, she does (4) the best cookies that I've ever tasted. They were really relaxed and with them (5) I saw the fireworks on the Fourth of July. Over there, I have met Cuban boys with whom I played football sometimes on the school's playground.
I knew some other people in theUS, so I could have visit (6) New york city, see a Yankee's match and walk into Manhattan.

During the final week, I have reached my uncle in San Francisco and we went to Yosemite Park for three days.

(1) A foster family is typically a family that takes care of children who cannot stay with their own family. A host family, on the other hand, take in exchange students from foreign countries.
(2) L'expression 'to gain independence' est très connue en anglais.
(3) A mon avis, le present perfect ne va pas avec 'Most of the time'. Use simple past.
(4) faire = do/make en anglais ; dans le contexte, 'make' convient
(5) Placez après 'fireworks'
(6) Temps à revoir

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