Lettre motivation/aide

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Lettre motivation/aide
Message de deraison posté le 04-10-2012 à 17:34:20 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,

Je souhaiterais vous soumettre une lettre de motivation en anglais que j'ai écrite pour être admis dans une université étrangère dans le cadre d'une cotutelle de thèse.
Mon niveau d'anglais est loin d'être excellent et je doute qu'elle soit parfaite. Puis-je donc vous demander ce que vous en pensez?
Je suis à l'écoute de vos remarques et conseils!
Merci beaucoup par avance.
P.S.: J'ai volontairement masqué les informations personnelles que la lettre pouvait contenir, merci de votre compréhension.

Voici la lettre en question:

Dear Sir, dear Madam,

I request your attention in order to join your university as part of a joint doctorate between the Université XXX de XXX and the XXX under the supervising of Prof. dr. XXX and Prof. dr. XXX.

At present second year PhD student, I study XXX in the continuity of my “Lettres Modernes” degree (comparative literature option) and my master's thesis.

After having consulted with Prof. dr. XXX , it was obvious that I could work with benefits under the supervising of Prof. dr. XXX who agrees that I am his student.

In order to bring my PhD thesis to a successful conclusion, this collaboration and the carrying out of a joint PhD with the University of XXX would be a major advantage. In addition to be in an university rich in history and to benefit from the skills of the best specialists of my thesis topic and to have access to crucial library documents, my admission in the University of XXX would allow me to increase the impact of my researches and would bring me better abilities with new working methods. Furthermore, I would improve my knowledge of Dutch that I can’t study thoroughly in XXX.

Hardworking, open minded and always willing to learn more, I intend to put a lot of myself into this project which shows certainly as well my interest in the university research as Flanders and Belgium.

I am very much looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

XXX

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Modifié par lucile83 le 04-10-2012 18:34

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de deraison, postée le 10-10-2012 à 18:58:23 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

N'y a-t-il vraiment personne pour me donner un tout petit coup de main?
Je ne vous demande pas de me corriger. Peut-être pouvez-vous juste me dire s'il y a beaucoup de choses à revoir... ou souligner les phrases incorrectes. Ce serait déjà très bien!

Merci d'avance.
Je compte sur vous!

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de soumaia1, postée le 10-10-2012 à 20:14:57 (S | E)
Hello deraison,
Voici quelques remarques que j'ai pu noter:

Dear Sir, dear Madam,

I request your attention in order to join your university as part of a joint doctorate between the Université XXX de XXX and the XXX under the supervising of Prof. dr. XXX and Prof. dr. XXX.

At present second year PhD student (je n'ai pas saisi le sens de ta phrase), I study XXX in the continuity of my “Lettres Modernes” degree (comparative literature option) and my master's thesis.

After having consulted with Prof. dr. XXX , it was obvious that I could work with benefits under the supervising of Prof. dr. XXX who agrees that I am his student.

In order to bring my PhD thesis to a successful conclusion, this collaboration and the carrying out of a joint PhD with the University of XXX would be a major advantage. In addition to be in an university rich in history and, to benefit from the skills of the best specialists of my thesis topic and to have access to crucial library documents, my admission in the University of XXX would allow me to increase the impact of my researches and would bring me better abilities with new working methods. Furthermore, I would improve my knowledge of Dutch that I can’t study thoroughly in XXX.

Hardworking, open minded and always willing to learn more, I intend to put a lot of myself into this project which shows certainly as well my interest in the university research as Flanders and Belgium.

I am very much looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Bon courage pour le reste.

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de notrepere, postée le 10-10-2012 à 20:16:21 (S | E)
Hello

Voici des pistes.

I request your attention in order to join your university as part of a joint (un peu bizarre, à refaire) doctorate between the Université XXX de XXX and the XXX under the ~~supervising~~ supervision of Prof. Dr. XXX and Prof. Dr. XXX.

~~At present second year PhD student, I study~~ I am currently a second year PhD student studying XXX in the continuity of my “Lettres Modernes” degree (comparative literature option) and my master's thesis.

After having consulted with Prof. dr. XXX , it was obvious that I could work with benefits(I could benefit from working with Prof. Dr. ...????) under the supervising of Prof. dr. XXX who agrees that I am his student. (Je ne comprends pas ce que vous voulez dire)

In order to bring my PhD thesis (dissertation? ) to a successful conclusion, this collaboration and the carrying out of a joint PhD with the University of XXX would be a major advantage. In addition to being in an university rich in history and to benefit from the skills of the best specialists of my thesis topic and to have access to crucial library documents, my admission to the University of XXX would allow me to increase the impact of my researches and would bring me better abilities(un autre mot) with new working methods. Furthermore, I would improve my knowledge of Dutch ~~that~~ which I can’t study thoroughly in XXX.

Hardworking, open minded and always willing to learn more, I intend to put a lot of myself into this project which shows certainly as well my interest in the university research as Flanders and Belgium.

I am very much looking forward to hearing from you.

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de deraison, postée le 11-10-2012 à 12:41:49 (S | E)
Bonjour à tous les deux et merci beaucoup de votre aide! C'est très gentil.

J'ai apporté les corrections que vous m'avez indiquées et modifié les éléments de phrases qui n'allaient pas (ce sont les mots en gras):

Dear Sir, dear Madam,
I would like to join your university as part of a joint doctorate between the Université XXX de XXX and the XXX under the supervision of Prof. Dr. XXX and Prof. Dr. XXX.
I am currently a second year PhD student studying XXX following [dans la continuité de] my “Lettres Modernes” degree (comparative literature option) and my master's thesis.
After having consulted with Prof. Dr. XXX , it was obvious that I could work fruitfully under the supervision of Prof. Dr. XXX who agreed to direct my thesis.
In order to bring my PhD thesis to a successful conclusion, this collaboration and the carrying out of a joint PhD with the University of XXX would be a major advantage. In addition to being in an university rich in history and to benefit from the skills of the best specialists of my thesis topic and to have access to crucial library documents, my admission to the University of XXX would allow me to increase the impact of my research and would bring me better abilities and new working methods. Furthermore, I would improve my knowledge of Dutch which I can’t study thoroughly in XXX.
Hardworking, open minded and always willing to learn more, I intend to put a lot of myself into this project which shows certainly as well my interest in the university research as my passion for Flanders and Belgium.
I am very much looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
XXX

Est-ce que cela vous semble mieux? Me conseillez-vous encore des corrections?

Je vous remercie par avance pour votre aide!

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de notrepere, postée le 11-10-2012 à 17:35:55 (S | E)
Re-bonjour

It is your lucky day...
I don't think you need to repeat "Prof. Dr." each time. You can shorten it to Dr. in subsequent interactions.

Dear Sir or Madam
~~I would like to join your university as part of a~~I am writing to you to express my interest in pursuing a doctorate degree at your University. My plan is to pursue a joint doctorate between the Université XXX de XXX and the XXX under the supervision of Prof. Dr. XXX and Prof. Dr. XXX. (-ou- under the supervision of Profs. Drs. XXX and XXX)
I am currently a second year PhD student ~~studying XXX following [dans la continuité de] my~~ pursuing a “Lettres Modernes” degree (Comparative Literature option) and my Master's thesis.
After having consulted with (Prof.) Dr. XXX, it was obvious that working under the supervision of (Prof.) Dr. XXX, who has agreed to direct my thesis, would be very advantageous.

In order to bring my PhD thesis to a successful conclusion, this collaboration and the carrying out of a joint PhD with the University of XXX would be a major advantage. In addition to being in an(il faut 'a' avant une voyelle qui sonne 'y') university rich in history and to benefit from the skills of the best specialists of my thesis topic and to have access to crucial library documents, my admission to the University of XXX would allow me to increase the impact of my research and would bring me better abilities and new working methods. (Cette phrase est bien trop longue) ~~Furthermore~~Additionally, I would improve my knowledge of Dutch which I can’t study thoroughly in XXX.
Hardworking, open minded and always willing to learn more, I intend to put a lot of myself into this project which shows certainly as well my interest in the university research as my passion for Flanders and Belgium. (Hardworking, open-minded and inquisitive are the skills that have helped me in my academic pursuits so far. I intend to put these skills to work in pursuit of this goal at your University, for research and because of my passion for Flanders and Belgium.)
I am very much looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de deraison, postée le 12-10-2012 à 13:53:58 (S | E)
Bonjour notrepère et une fois de plus merci beaucoup pour votre aide précieuse!

Voici la lettre avec les nouvelles corrections et ce que j'ai moi-même ajouté ou modifié (en italique) suivant vos conseils :

Dear Sir or Madam
I am writing to you to express my interest in pursuing a doctorate degree at your University. My plan is to pursue a joint doctorate between the Université XXX de XXX and the XXX under the supervision of Profs. Drs. XXX and XXX.
I am currently a second year PhD student and I study XXX pursuing a “Lettres Modernes” degree (Comparative Literature option) and my Master's thesis.
After having consulted with Prof. Dr. XXX, it was obvious that working under the supervision of Dr. XXX, who has agreed to direct my thesis, would be very advantageous.
In order to bring my PhD thesis to a successful conclusion, this collaboration and the carrying out of a joint PhD with the University of XXX would be a major advantage. I could be in a university rich in history and benefit from the skills of the best specialists of my thesis topic and to have access to crucial library documents. Additionally, my admission to the University of XXX would allow me to increase the impact of my research and would bring me better abilities and new working methods. At last, I would improve my knowledge of Dutch which I can’t study thoroughly in XXX.
Hardworking, open-minded and inquisitive are the skills that have helped me in my academic pursuits so far. I intend to put these skills to work in pursuit of this goal at your University, for research and because of my passion for Flanders and Belgium.
I am very much looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
XXX

Est-ce que je peux envisager de présenter la lettre telle quelle selon vous?
Je vous remercie encore!

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de deraison, postée le 16-10-2012 à 19:12:50 (S | E)
Bonjour,

notrepere m'a beaucoup aidé et j'ai l'impression que ma lettre est désormais correcte.
Cela dit, je ne peux pas en être sûr. Quelqu'un pourrait-il me dire si elle peut être envoyée en l'état?
Personne ne peut m'aider dans mon entourage. Je n'ai que vous !
Merci par avance.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 16-10-2012 19:40

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de gerondif, postée le 16-10-2012 à 19:29:31 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

Dear Sir or Madam
I am writing to you to express my interest in pursuing a doctorate degree at your University. My plan is to pursue a joint doctorate between the Université XXX de XXX and the XXX under the supervision of Profs. Drs. XXX and XXX.
I am currently a second year PhD student and I study XXX pursuing a “Lettres Modernes” degree (Comparative Literature option) and my Master's thesis.
("after consulting" existe aussi)After having consulted with Prof. Dr. XXX, it was obvious that working under the supervision of Dr. XXX, who has agreed to direct my thesis, would be very advantageous.(ma parait lourd: would be a definite advantage for me.
In order to bring my PhD thesis to a successful conclusion, this collaboration and the carrying out of a joint PhD with the University of XXX would be a major advantage. I could be in a university rich in history, have access to crucial library documents and benefit from the skills of the best specialists in what my thesis is about.. Additionally (Moreover), my admission to the University of XXX would allow me to increase the impact of my research and would bring me better abilities and new working methods. At last(signifie : "enfin te voilà",et non pas "pour finir":finally,) I would improve my knowledge of Dutch which I can’t study thoroughly in XXX.
Hardworking, open-minded and inquisitive are the skills (ne va pas car skills, des compétences désignent des noms, or hard-working, open-minded... sont des adjectifs, construction bancale donc. C'était mieux avant cete lourdeur)that have helped me in my academic pursuits so far.
I am hard-working....., which has helped me a lot in my academic studies so far.(pursuits me paraît bizarre)
I intend to put these skills to work in pursuit of this goal at your University, for research and because of my passion for Flanders and Belgium.
I am very much looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
XXX

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de deraison, postée le 17-10-2012 à 12:05:08 (S | E)
Bonjour gérondif!

Merci beaucoup de votre aide. Voici ce que donne la lettre avec vos corrections:
Dear Sir or Madam
I am writing to you to express my interest in pursuing a doctorate degree at your University. My plan is to pursue a joint doctorate between the Université XXX de XXX and the XXX under the supervision of Profs. Drs. XXX and XXX.
I am currently a second year PhD student and I study XXX pursuing a “Lettres Modernes” degree (Comparative Literature option) and my Master's thesis.
After having consulted with Prof. Dr. XXX, it was obvious that working under the supervision of Dr. XXX, who has agreed to direct my thesis, would be a definite advantage for me.
In order to bring my PhD thesis to a successful conclusion, this collaboration and the carrying out of a joint PhD with the University of XXX would be a major advantage. I could be in a university rich in history, have access to crucial library documents and benefit from the skills of the best specialists in what my thesis is about. Moreover, my admission to the University of XXX would allow me to increase the impact of my research and would bring me better abilities and new working methods. Finally, I would improve my knowledge of Dutch which I can’t study thoroughly in XXX.
I am hard-working, open-minded and inquisitive, which has helped me a lot in my academic studies so far. I intend to put these skills to work in pursuit of this goal at your University, for research and because of my passion for Flanders and Belgium.
I am very much looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
XXX

Je voulais vous demander s'il n'est pas redondant, selon vous, d'avoir "would be a definite advantage for me" et "would be a major advantage" quasiment à la suite?
Ne puis-je pas mettre dans la première phrase "would be fruitfull"?

Je vous remercie par avance.

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de gerondif, postée le 17-10-2012 à 12:46:15 (S | E)
bonjour,
si vous voulez. J'avais vu la répétition sans la trouver trop gênante.
fruitful.
Variante:
After consulting with Prof. Dr. XXX, it was obvious that I would greatly benefit from working under the supervision of Dr. XXX, who has agreed to direct my thesis.

Réponse: Lettre motivation/aide de deraison, postée le 21-10-2012 à 12:57:47 (S | E)
merci beaucoup gérondif de votre aide!
Je crois que je vais pouvoir présenter ma lettre maintenant, je vous tiens informé!
Bon dimanche et merci encore!

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