Correction/Pizza

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Correction/Pizza
Message de fireman38 posté le 22-01-2013 à 19:06:36 (S | E | F)
Good evening,

I am an engineering student and I have to write a cover letter for an exercise.
Could somebody correct it for me please ?
Thank you very much
Raphaël

Dear Madam, Dear Sir,

With reference to the advertisement of a Pizza Hut buffet, I am writing to apply for the position. From my point of view I correspond to the job requirements. I am very rigorous so I will check seriously the freshness and the availability of the food. I am cleanliness freak thus the Buffet Bar and Salad station will be spotlessly clean.
Moreover, my experience as a first-aid instructor has taught me to develop my organizational and interpersonal skills. Consequently, I would be very pleasure to advise customers and answer their questions in order to ensure they will come back again and again.
Besides, I have passed a two-year university course in Hygiene and Safety so it will make me able to check the compliance with food safety regulations. Then, I have been a fireman for four years so I have developed a strong team work spirit. As a result, I will have no difficulties for getting used to the team made up of your waiters and waitresses.
I live in London near to Pizza Hut and I am available to work as soon as possible. I will be glad to supply you with any further information you may require. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours Faithfully,

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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-01-2013 19:28

Réponse: Correction/Pizza de gerondif, postée le 22-01-2013 à 23:46:13 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

Dear Madam, Dear Sir,

With reference to the advertisement of(for?) a Pizza Hut buffet, I am writing to apply for the position. From my point of view I correspond to the job requirements. I am very rigorous so I will check the freshness and the availability of the food very seriously. I am a cleanliness freak thus the Buffet Bar and Salad station will be spotlessly clean.
Moreover, my experience as a first-aid instructor has taught me to develop my organizational and interpersonal skills. Consequently, I would be very pleasure(pleased) to advise customers and answer their questions in order to ensure they will come back again and again.
Besides, I have pass(to pass, c'est réussir à un examen, you take a course in...)ed a two-year university course in Hygiene and Safety so it will make me able to check the compliance with food safety regulations. Then(Moreover, (de plus), I have been a fireman for four years so I have developed a strong team work spirit. As a result, I will have no difficulties for(in) getting used to the team made up of your waiters and waitresses.
I live in London near to Pizza Hut and I am available to work as soon as possible.(dès que possible? ou immediately?) I will be glad to supply you with any further information you may require. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours Faithfully,

Réponse: Correction/Pizza de fireman38, postée le 23-01-2013 à 09:51:34 (S | E)
Thank you for your correction Gerondif ! For the "two-year university course",
I meant to say "je possède / je suis titulaire d'un DUT en hygiène et sécurité".
But I think the verb "take" is suitable, too.
And is the verb "correspond" not too french ?
Thank you again

Réponse: Correction/Pizza de gerondif, postée le 23-01-2013 à 10:38:38 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Dear Madam, Dear Sir,

With reference to your advertisement of(for?) a Pizza Hut buffet, I am writing to apply for the position. I think I really fit the job requirements. I am very rigorous so I will check the freshness and the availability of the food very seriously. I am a cleanliness freak thus(un peu littéraire, so the Buffet Bar and Salad station will always be spotlessly clean.
Moreover, my experience as a first-aid instructor has taught me to develop my organizational and interpersonal skills. Consequently, I would be very pleased to advise customers and answer their questions in order to ensure they will come back again and again.
Besides, I have taken a two-year university course in Hygiene and Safety and passed the corresponding exam,so it will enable me to check the compliance with food safety regulations. Moreover, I have been a fireman for four years so I have developed a strong team-work spirit. As a result, I will have no difficulties in getting used (to your catering team)to the team made up of your waiters and waitresses.
I live in London next to Pizza Hut and I am available to work as soon as possible.(dès que possible? ou immediately?) I will be glad to supply you with any further information you may require. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours Faithfully,

Réponse: Correction/Pizza de fireman38, postée le 23-01-2013 à 11:07:54 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup,

Bonne journée

Réponse: Correction/Pizza de sherry48, postée le 23-01-2013 à 16:45:07 (S | E)
Hello.
I think gerondif's suggestion about your availability (immediately) is better than as soon as possible.
Is there another word in the title for this position? The Pizza Hut buffet speaks of the food and it's presentation in a self-serve style. Therefore, there seems to be a word missing to indicate the worker. For example, it could be a buffet manager or a buffet host.
Sherry

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