Past tense / my story

Forum > English only || Bottom

[POST A NEW REPLY] [Subscribe to this topic]

Past tense / my story
Message from cieligrigi posted on 26-11-2013 at 11:06:47 (D | E | F)
Hi,
I really need your help. I have to write a story beginning with "It was certainly the strangest thing that had ever happened to him". I have just written the story but I'm not sure that my English (especially tenses like past simple, present perfect, past perfect) is right.
Could you check my story, please?
Thank you for your help.

It was certainly the strangest thing that had ever happened to him. It was the morning of his wedding and he was alone in his bedroom thinking of his future. He absolutely didn't want to get up: seriously, guys, you couldn't imagine how much he was nervous in that moment. Yeah, the dream of his whole life was going to become true, but there was something that didn't allow him to be happy.
It had happened a long time before that day but he was still thinking about it... The woman - that beautiful woman in the room next - who was about to marry had been his first love and, at the same time, the first girl who had broken his heart. To tell the truth, anyone has never hurt him in the same way.
Well, the fact is tha they were sixteen and, you know, when you are a teenager and you have a girlfriend it seems like it will last forever. The day of their anniversary he was the happiest man in the world, but when they went out to the restaurant he had already realized that something was going wrong. It happened out of the blue: "I don't want to hurt you, but I'm in love with another guy. I'm sorry" she said and he was left alone with his broken heart.
Years after that day they met again and the fell in love, but, even if he had always known that she was the same girl of twenty years before, he never said anything.
Since that moment he has always been afraid that she would go away again, so in the morning of his wedding he was full of bad thoughts and fears. What if she would have realized that he wasn't the man of her life?
While he was thinking about this, suddendly a voice called him shouting: "Honey! There is a letter for you, come here, I have no time to think about your things!". A letter? For him? He unwillingly got up and went in the living room where the year before he had asked his woman to marry him. He found a letter on the table and he opened it surprised: he couldn't imagine who could have written it.
"Dear Sam,
I know that you probably hate me. I didn't want to leave you. There wasn't another guy, I have always been in love with you. It's just... I was going through a bad period and I didn't want you to be sad like me. Please, forgive me. I need your love."
In the end, there was the name of his future wife. He immediately burst into tears.

-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 26-11-2013 11:11

Re: Past tense / my story from gerondif, posted on 26-11-2013 at 23:27:54 (D | E)
Hello,
a good text for a seventeen-year-old student! Few mistakes!

mistakes in blue, corrections in green

It was certainly the strangest thing that had ever happened to him. It was the morning of his wedding and he was alone in his bedroom thinking of his future. He absolutely didn't want to get up: seriously, guys, you couldn't imagine how much he was nervous in that moment. Yeah, the dream of his whole life was going to become true, but there was something that didn't allow him to ( correct but clumsy)be happy.
It had happened a long time before that day but he was still thinking about it... The woman - that beautiful woman in the room next - whom he was about to marry had been his first love and, at the same time, the first girl who had broken his heart. To tell the truth, anyone has never hurt him in the same way.(it is th opposite: No-one had ever hurt him....)
Well, the fact is that they were sixteen and, you know, when you are a teenager and you have a girlfriend it seems like it will last forever. On The day of their anniversary (ok,from now on, if you want the rest to be past perfect, you have to upgrade it up one step)

he was (had been) the happiest man in the world, but when they went out (had gone out) to the restaurant, he had already(soon would be better) realized that something was going wrong. It (had)happened out of the blue: "I don't want to hurt you, but I'm in love with another guy. I'm sorry" she (had)said and he was left (had been left) alone with his broken heart.

Years after that day, they met(had met) again and they fell(had fallen) in love, but, even if he had always known that she was the same girl of twenty years before, he (had)never said anything.
Since that moment he has(had) always been afraid that she would go away again,(ok now we go back to a more recent past)
so in (on) the morning of his wedding he was full of bad thoughts and fears. What if she would have (correct this one!)realized that he wasn't the man of her life?
While he was thinking about this, suddendly a voice called him shouting: "Honey! There is a letter for you, come here, I have no time to think about your things!". A letter? For him? He unwillingly got up and went into the living room where, the year before, he had asked his woman (this woman, his future wife, his woman sounds rude)to marry him. He found a letter on the table and he opened it, surprised: he couldn't imagine who could have written it.
"Dear Sam,
I know that you probably hate me. I didn't want to leave you. There wasn't another guy, I have always been in love with you. It's just... I was going through a bad period and I didn't want you to be sad like me. Please, forgive me. I need your love."
At the bottom of the letter,~~In the end~~, there was the name of his future wife. He immediately burst into tears.

p.s.16/12/2013
"I really need your help" you said. Well, what is the use of my spending 15 minutes to correct your text if you never acknowledge reading it or say thanks ?

[POST A NEW REPLY] [Subscribe to this topic]

Forum > English only