Living up to dream/aide

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Living up to dream/aide
Message de etudiant59 posté le 12-01-2014 à 12:46:47 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai un devoir avec le sujet suivant :
"Is succeeding in your studies important to you ? Do you agree that education means progress and is a key to social promotion ?"
Si certaines personnes pouvaient m'aider dans la correction de ce devoir ce serait génial
Mon texte :

As far as I am concerned, succeeding in my studies is very important. I think it’s crucial that I should do well in school because the only way to have a good life is to succeed in school. Moreover, education will allow me to climb the social ladder and to improve my situation, and I don’t want to disappoint my parents whom have faith in me. I want to live up to their hopes and to my dreams.
In addition to that, if I don’t study now, I may have difficulty in making ends meet when I will be an adult. Drop out of school would be stupid. But I like school and I’m determined to succeed. See some situations in our society (sometimes inequitable) make me realize how important education is to succeed and what I have to do to improve my situation. I have to succeed because nobody have life on a plate and even more nowadays.
And I agree to say that education means progress and is a key to social promotion. First of all, education is the only way to have a good job whom interest us. Have a good job is very important because it will able us to have a good salary, a good conditions of work and a good situation in our society where least diplomas have unskilled jobs and numerous difficulties.
Then, education is a key to social promotion, which able us to rank among the best. Nobody wants to be exploited, underpaid and overworked. Get an higher education and achieve a good level allows in most of the cases to succeed in professional life.

Merci pour votre aide

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Modifié par lucile83 le 12-01-2014 15:42

Réponse: Living up to dream/aide de sherry48, postée le 13-01-2014 à 12:29:29 (S | E)
Hello.
I only have a minute, but I can start you on the right path.
In general, you have made a good beginning, with just two major problems. Whom cannot be used like a subject pronoun, so take another look at the places where you have used whom. Also, you have some verbs acting as subjects. You can use gerunds in those cases.
It's up to you now!
Once you fix these problems, you can repost for other minor corrections.
Sherry

Réponse: Living up to dream/aide de etudiant59, postée le 13-01-2014 à 18:13:30 (S | E)
Merci pour ton aide J'ai corrigé les endroits où vous m'aviez indiqué des fautes.

Je reposte mon texte au cas où il resterait encore des fautes ^^

As far as I am concerned, succeeding in my studies is very important. I think it’s crucial that I should do well in school because the only way to have a good life is to succeed in school. Moreover, education will allow me to climb the social ladder and to improve my situation, and I don’t want to disappoint my parents who have faith in me. If I continue my studies, I will be able to support my parents. I don’t want to crush their trust and to let them down and I really want to live up to their hopes and to my dreams.
In addition to that, if I don’t study now, I may have difficulty in making ends meet when I will be an adult. Drop out of school would be stupid. But I like school and I’m determined to succeed. Seeing some situations in our society (sometimes inequitable) make me realize how important education is to succeed and what I have to do to improve my situation. I have to succeed because nobody have life on a plate and even more nowadays.
And I agree to say that education means progress and is a key to social promotion. First of all, education is the only way to have a good job who interest us. Having a good job is very important because it will able us to have a good salary, a good conditions of work and a good situation in our society where least diplomas have unskilled jobs and numerous difficulties.
Then, education is a key to social promotion, which able us to rank among the best. Nobody wants to be exploited, underpaid and overworked. Get an higher education and achieve a good level allows in most of the cases to succeed in professional life.

Merci pour votre aide

Réponse: Living up to dream/aide de sherry48, postée le 14-01-2014 à 00:59:43 (S | E)
Hello again. Here are a few more things to take another look at.

As far as I am concerned, succeeding in my studies is very important. I think it’s crucial that I should do well in school because the only way to have a good life is to succeed in school. Moreover, education will allow me to climb the social ladder and to improve my situation, and I don’t want to disappoint my parents who have faith in me. If I continue my studies, I will be able to support my parents. I don’t want to crush their trust and or to let them down and I really want to live up to their hopes and to my dreams.
In addition to that, if I don’t study now, I may have difficulty in making ends meet when I will be [Although it may seem like it should be future, the best choice is when I am] an adult. Drop_____ out of school would be stupid. But I like school and I’m determined to succeed. Seeing some situations in our society (sometimes inequitable) make me realize how important education is to succeed [you could use a noun here]and what I have to do to improve my situation. I have to succeed because nobody have life on a plate and even more nowadays.
(And) I agree (to say) that education means progress and is a key to social promotion. First of all, education is the only way to have a good job who interest us. Having a good job is very important because it will ___able us to have a good salary, a good conditions of work [or working in the usual place for an adjective] and a good situation in our society where least diplomas have unskilled jobs and numerous difficulties.
Then, education is a key to social promotion, which ___able__ us to rank among the best. Nobody wants to be exploited, underpaid and overworked. Get an higher education and achieve a good level allows in most of the cases [at the end] ___to succeed in professional life.
Sherry

Réponse: Living up to dream/aide de etudiant59, postée le 15-01-2014 à 14:53:16 (S | E)
Ok Merci pour ton aide ;)

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