Write a diary/correction

Write a diary/correction
Message de roxmila posté le 13-01-2014 à 19:17:29 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous ! )
je dois rédiger 2 pages d'un journal intime d'une personne dans le film " Freedom writer "
J'ai choisi le personnage de Marcus.
La première page, qui devra comporter les impressions qu'il a lors de la découverte de sa classe (donc en l'occurence la présence de gang et de minorité redondante, de son professeur déterminé malgrè les nombreux incidents, le fait d'appartenir à la classe la plus défavorisée), et la dernière page du journal montrant la finalité de son comportement.

Dear Diary

At the beginning, the smell of this freaking classroom made me want to vomit. People were just like in the street, craps...
This shitty teacher is kinda cool but it, sometimes, really getting on my nerves. I don't know what she does that job... but I'm sure that she won't stay all the year.
Da so borin' but fortunately I belong to the best gang of the America ! They're always there to entertain me, they are my bros, they are my familly.
I don't want to blend in among the others, I love loneliness. The High school is full of gangs whiches are ready to fight their preys whathever happens. I am not afraid.

But a few days ago, a rich brat told me that i'm a just a puppet and that whites will continues to pull the strings. Then, my gang wanted to rush against him but I said "No Way", a fight that leaves you with only pity.. only brings pain. There is a better way to fight against them.


Dear Diary

I realized that all I did was meaningless.
I was an imposter, a thief, a thug and so on
Thanks to my teacher that showed me the best way, I could become somemone more mature.
I have taken refuge in literature, and I read many of philosophic books. I want to be a doctor who will give free care to poor people.
I saw that hang out with gangs is a very big mistake and I regret it...
I made a lot of new and kind friends of all origins, chinese, hispanic, and the whites too.
After 3 years on the streets , It's time to go home, with my mother and my true family.

Merci d'avance !

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Modifié par lucile83 le 13-01-2014 20:00

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Réponse: Write a diary/correction de disenchanted, postée le 15-01-2014 à 01:41:05 (S | E)
Bonjour!

Dear Diary ,

At the beginning, the smell of this freaking classroom made me want to vomit. People were just like in the street, craps... (What do you mean by 'craps'?)
This shitty teacher is kinda cool but, sometimes, she really gets on my nerves. I don't know why she does that job... but I'm sure that she won't stay for the whole year. (I'm not sure exactly what you meant by 'I don't know what she does that job'.)
It's so borin' but fortunately I belong to the best gang in America! They're always there to entertain me, they are my bros, they are my family.
I don't want to blend in among the others, I love loneliness. The high school is full of gangs who are ready to fight their enemies, no matter what happens. I am not afraid.

But a few days ago, a rich brat told me that I'm a just a puppet and that whites will continues to pull the strings. Then, my gang wanted to rush against him but I said "No way", a fight that leaves you with only pity.. only brings pain. There is a better way to fight against them.


Dear Diary

I realized that all I did was meaningless.
I was an impostor, a thief, a thug and so on.
Thanks to my teacher whoshowed me the best way, I could become someone more mature.
I have taken refuge in literature, and I read many of philosophic books. I want to be a doctor who will give free care to poor people.
I saw that hanging out with gangs is a very big mistake and I regret it...
I made a lot of new and kind friends of all origins, Chinese, Hispanic, and the whites too.
After 3 years on the streets, It's time to go home, with my mother and my true family.

Hope I helped, et au revoir!
Disenchanted

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Modifié par disenchanted le 15-01-2014 01:42

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