Correction /Valenciennes

Correction /Valenciennes
Message de claram59 posté le 01-02-2014 à 21:05:32 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai une présentation orale d'anglais à faire mardi, j'ai préparé mon texte. J'aimerais juste avoir de l'aide sur les éventuelles fautes de grammaire, d'orthographe ou de constructions de phrases. J'aimerais mettre toutes les chances de mon côté,
merci d'avance.

May I have you attention, please ? I will take five minutes of your time to present you my hometown which is Valenciennes. But do you have any idea where is located this town ? Well, that’s exactly what I am going to tell you about.
To start with, as you can see on the visual, Valenciennes is located 50 kilometers south of Lille, in the department of North. One of your advantage is it geographical situation, let me tell you why, it’s situated at the heart of the Europe, closed to Belgium, the U.K, Netherlands, Luxembourg and Germany.
Secondly, I’m going to point out that the aspect of sports. It gain in importance in Valenciennes because it’s a dynamic town thanks to its varied sports like football, water-polo, hockey and more. Let me give you some examples to illustrate this point : this town is equipped with a olympic swimming-pool, a skating-ring, 4 sports complex and a football stadium with a capacity of 25 000 people. I suppose you are wondering what’s a skating-ring. In fact, it’s the place where Philippe Candeloro practises his job as represented on the visual. Is that clear so far ?
Moreover, let me now describe the architectural building in Valenciennes. Across my town, it’s possible to see 2 aspects of architecture. Let me give you an example to make things clear : on the photography we can see, on the one hand, a aspect oldest with the town hall and on the other hand, a aspect youngest with the shopping center and the square.
Next, without going into detail, let me just tell you that Valenciennes attach importance to the education. Indeed, you can count up 7 secondary schools, 1 university, 1 school of enginerring in information technology, a school of design, a school of fine-arts, and others.
Finally, I would like to add that it’s a town where you like to divert. Let me tell you why, Valenciennes is very attrative for its entertainments like the theatre (Le Phenix), the museum, the bowling, the cinema and the sports’s infrastructures.
To sum up, for my opinion, my future isn’t to Valenciennes because it doesn’t the attration of a tall student town. But it aims to become it during these nest years. Thank you for your attention. Do you have any questions ?

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Modifié par lucile83 le 01-02-2014 21:20

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Réponse: Correction /Valenciennes de gerondif, postée le 01-02-2014 à 23:48:02 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
erreurs en bleu ou rouge, corrections en vert (j'en ai oublié quelques unes, reprises par Sherry)
May I have you attention, please ? I will take five minutes of your time to present to you my hometown which is Valenciennes. But do you have any idea where is located this town(ordre des mots) ? Well, that’s exactly what I am going to tell you about.
To start with, as you can see on the visual, Valenciennes is located 50 kilometers south of Lille, in the department of North. One of yourits advantages is its geographical situation, let me tell you why: it’s situated at the heart of the Europe, closed to Belgium, the U.K, the Netherlands, Luxembourg and Germany.
Secondly, I’m going to (maladroit: let me point out)point out that the aspect of sports. It gain(le s du verbe) in importance in Valenciennes because it’s a dynamic town thanks to its varied sports like football, water-polo, hockey and more. Let me give you some examples to illustrate this point : this town is equipped with an olympic swimming-pool, a skating-ring(rink), 4 sports complexes and a football stadium with a capacity of 25 000 people. I suppose you are wondering what’s a skating-ring IS. In fact, it’s the place where Philippe Candeloro practises his job as represented on the visual. Is that clear so far ?
Moreover, let me now describe the architectural buildings in Valenciennes. Across my town, it’s possible to see 2 aspects of architecture. Let me give you an example to make things clear : on the photography we can see, on the one hand, a aspect oldest (maladroit, /il faudrait du comparatif)ordre des mots français)with the town hall and on the other hand, a aspect youngest with the shopping center and the square.
Next, without going into detail, let me just tell you that Valenciennes attaches importance to the education. Indeed, you can count up to 7 secondary schools, 1 university, 1 school of enginerring in information technology, a school of design, a school of fine-arts, and others.
Finally, I would like to add that it’s a town where you like to divert(se divertir?). Let me tell you why, Valenciennes is very attrative for its entertainments like the theatre (Le Phenix), the museum, the bowling, the cinema and the sports’s infrastructures.
To sum up, for my opinion, my future isn’t to Valenciennes because it doesn’t the attration of a tall student town. But it aims to become it during these nest years. Thank you for your attention. Do you have any questions ?

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Réponse: Correction /Valenciennes de sherry48, postée le 02-02-2014 à 01:12:44 (S | E)
Hello.
I have just a few corrections to add to those you have already.

May I have you attention, please ?
But do you have any idea where is located this town ?
: it’s situated at/in the heart of the Europe, closed to Belgium, the U.K, the Netherlands, Luxembourg and Germany.
Secondly, let me point out that the aspect of sports.
I suppose you are wondering what’s a skating ring IS.
: on the photography we can see, on the one hand, a
Next, without going into detail, let me just tell you that Valenciennes attaches importance to the education. Indeed, you can count up to 7 secondary schools, 1 university, 1 school of enginerring in information technology, a school of design, a school of fine arts, and others.
attrative for its entertainments like the theatre (Le Phenix), the museum(__?), the bowling, the cinema and...

Sherry

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