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Message de nourelhouda posté le 13-04-2014 à 15:38:43 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voilà comme je dois passer un oral en anglais , je voudrais que vous me corrigiez mon texte s'il vous plaît. Il ne devrait pas avoir beaucoup de fautes...xxx
Merci pour vos réponses.
INTRO
I’m going to talk about the IDEA OF PROGRESS and I will use two texts and two pictures. The documents are mainly about social progress in the United States.
To what extent can the U.S be considered as a good example for social progress?
My first document is a photograph taken on Ellis Island which stages an “Italian family looking for lost baggage”. This scene symbolises the same life’s beginning of thousands of immigrants who fled from misery to have higher living standards.
Then, some of them , like Seymour Rechtzeit, narrator of our second document which is an excerpt of an autobiography called “ A Boy’s Journey”, went from rags to riches .This true life story, relates how a 8-year-old boy struggling through medical and psychological exams on Ellis Island , before becoming a well-known singer. The achievement of his dream is at its climax when he succeeded to bring his family from Poland to America.
Nevertheless the improvement of the immigrants living conditions wasn’t without facing hardships, disappointment, being discriminated against, excluded...
This aspect can be embodied by our third document, «Dear Mom and Dad, an informal letter of the Vietnamese-American Haibinh Nguyen to her parents. Through, this testimony, H.N highlights the role-models for their children who were her parents. For instance the father is an example of courage and self-persistence who made a lot of sacrifices to allow his children to be better educated in America. (He left the business family to go into exile in foreigner country whose language he couldn’t speak)Thus, we can assert that progress has been long-term in America for a generation who works hard and sacrifices herself to improve her children’s living standards.
To conclude, I would like to claim that America is a great instance of social progress , because thousand’s of nowadays American ancestors, who trusted in the U.S values, strived and sacrificed themselves so that they and their children could be able to live in democracy, in liberty, and have better livings standards. And indeed many achieved the aim. However we can wonder if America is still as faithful to its values (liberty, tolerance, equality, and brotherhood) as it was.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 13-04-2014 15:52
Message de nourelhouda posté le 13-04-2014 à 15:38:43 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voilà comme je dois passer un oral en anglais , je voudrais que vous me corrigiez mon texte s'il vous plaît. Il ne devrait pas avoir beaucoup de fautes...xxx
Merci pour vos réponses.
INTRO
I’m going to talk about the IDEA OF PROGRESS and I will use two texts and two pictures. The documents are mainly about social progress in the United States.
To what extent can the U.S be considered as a good example for social progress?
My first document is a photograph taken on Ellis Island which stages an “Italian family looking for lost baggage”. This scene symbolises the same life’s beginning of thousands of immigrants who fled from misery to have higher living standards.
Then, some of them , like Seymour Rechtzeit, narrator of our second document which is an excerpt of an autobiography called “ A Boy’s Journey”, went from rags to riches .This true life story, relates how a 8-year-old boy struggling through medical and psychological exams on Ellis Island , before becoming a well-known singer. The achievement of his dream is at its climax when he succeeded to bring his family from Poland to America.
Nevertheless the improvement of the immigrants living conditions wasn’t without facing hardships, disappointment, being discriminated against, excluded...
This aspect can be embodied by our third document, «Dear Mom and Dad, an informal letter of the Vietnamese-American Haibinh Nguyen to her parents. Through, this testimony, H.N highlights the role-models for their children who were her parents. For instance the father is an example of courage and self-persistence who made a lot of sacrifices to allow his children to be better educated in America. (He left the business family to go into exile in foreigner country whose language he couldn’t speak)Thus, we can assert that progress has been long-term in America for a generation who works hard and sacrifices herself to improve her children’s living standards.
To conclude, I would like to claim that America is a great instance of social progress , because thousand’s of nowadays American ancestors, who trusted in the U.S values, strived and sacrificed themselves so that they and their children could be able to live in democracy, in liberty, and have better livings standards. And indeed many achieved the aim. However we can wonder if America is still as faithful to its values (liberty, tolerance, equality, and brotherhood) as it was.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-04-2014 15:52
Réponse: Oral/Idée de progrès de yyyy, postée le 13-04-2014 à 16:31:42 (S | E)
Salut nourelhouda, ton texte est plutôt bien, mais il y a quelques erreurs:
-"This scene symbolises the
- "Seymour Rechtzeit, narrator of our second document which is an excerpt of an autobiography called “ A Boy’s Journey”, who went from rags to riches": sans le "who", ta phrase est bien moins correcte!
-"This true
-"Nevertheless the improvement of the immigrants": Ajoute une virgule entre "nevertheless" et "the", c'est pasgrand chose, mais ca peut toujours te couter des points...
- "«Dear Mom and Dad, an informal letter of the Vietnamese-American Haibinh Nguyen ": dis plutot:" "Dear Mom and Dad", which is an informal letter from the Vietnamese-American Haibinh Nguyen "
-"Through, this testimony,": pas de virgule entre through et this...
-"He left the business family to go into exile in foreigner country whose language he couldn’t speak": dis plutot: "He left his business and his familly
- "progress has been long-term in America" dis plutot: "progress lasted long in America" ou: "progress took a long time to settle in America"
-" I would like to claim that America is a great instance of social progress": evite l'utilisation de la premiere personne en parlant d'une idee générale: tu dirai plutot tout simplement: "
-"thousand's of nowadays American ancestors, who trusted in the U.S values": " 's " est un possesif, pas un pluriel, tu aura donc: "thousands". "nowadays" signifie "de nos jours", mais ne peut pas signifier "contemporain", tu dira donc: "contemporary American ancestors". Enfin, si tu veux utiliser "to trust" plus correctement, n'utilise pas de pronom: garde juste: "who trusted
-"have better livings standards": dis plutot: "have better standards of living"
-"And indeed many achieved the aim." JAMAIS "and" au debut de phrase, puis si tu parle de leur but, tu dira plutot "their aim". Aussi, on ne dit pas "acheive an aim" mais plutot "achieve a dream" par exemple: ca donnera donc: "It's noticeable that many achieved their dream".
Sinon tu as un très bon vocabulaire et c'est bien structuré: bonne chance pour ton oral
Réponse: Oral/Idée de progrès de nourelhouda, postée le 21-04-2014 à 18:12:20 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour vos conseils , c'est très gentil !^^
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