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Message de clara38 posté le 14-04-2014 à 19:05:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour !
Je viens de finir de préparer le thème "Espaces et échanges" pour l'oral du Bac et j'aimerais savoir si j'ai fait des fautes pour les corriger avant le moment fatidique ...
Si quelqu'un pouvait m'aider à corriger les fautes, reformuler des phrases, me donner des conseils ce serait vraiment gentil. :-)
Voici mon texte (c'est sur les graffitis) :
I will present the notion of spaces and exchanges by talking about the visual street art. In class, we have organized our reflexion around the following issue « How can visual street art truly impact the community ? ». To tackle this issue, the first step we took was to study how the different members of the community responded to tags and graffiti in their city. We watched an Australian news bulletin reporting on an event along the railway tracks on Harbour bridge where two taggers risked theirs lives to draw on the side door of a running train. First of all we will see the illegality of their act, then the consequences for the vandals and the city. And to finish I would like to talk about my personal document which is linked with this video.
So first, in this video we can see that the two taggers are accumulating offences, indeed they open the back door of a moving train and they gesture rudely to the driver of the train coming opposite and so they distract his attention, which can be dangerous. In addition, tagging is an illegal action, it's described as vandalism. Making tag damages the community equipments, so entails reparations. Somebody who is arrested because of he was tagging can be fined up to $2,200 or be jailed for 12 month according to the journalist.
Let's talk about the physical consequences for vandals, indeed it's a very dangerous action, they are in a running train, if they fall they can die. The video has been taken by two young men who have been shocked by the risks that the two taggers took. The first witness in enharcing on the fact that he wouldn't do it himself, he says that he wouldn't take such a risk just to have his name graffed on the door of the train. The sydney chief Train executif expresses his worries about having to report a graffer's death to his parents. He says that someone of the family's taggers should tell them that it's wild. Moreover, the journalist in charge of the case reminds the viewer that even if the vandals expose themselves to bad consequences, the community has to pay too. Indeed, the government spent 26 million dollars to remove or repair damages linked to graffiti without take into account the fees for police investigations. All this costs are payed by the community trough taxes.
For my personal document I chose a photograph with an article made by the Miami Herald reporters. On the top of the photo we can see a tag made on a roadsign above a motorway, and, under, a dead body hidding by a canvas. The article explains that a graffiti artist was hit by the driver of a pickup after fell from a traffic sign onto Palmetto Expressway in Miami while he was tagging. The police found a spray can with silver paint next to the body. So what didn't happened to the two vandals of the video happened to him, it proves that making graffiti in inappropriate places can be very very tragic. We can asking ourselves if is it better to have his name written on a billboard or staying alive ?
To conclude and answer the issue we can say that this kind of street art can badly impact the community, first because it generates costs and also because it's dangerous for the vandals. Yet, graffiti artists are not all the sames, moreover there is also other kinds of graffiti that can be very gorgeous and being make with an authorization.
Merci d'avance.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-04-2014 22:57
Message de clara38 posté le 14-04-2014 à 19:05:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour !
Je viens de finir de préparer le thème "Espaces et échanges" pour l'oral du Bac et j'aimerais savoir si j'ai fait des fautes pour les corriger avant le moment fatidique ...
Si quelqu'un pouvait m'aider à corriger les fautes, reformuler des phrases, me donner des conseils ce serait vraiment gentil. :-)
Voici mon texte (c'est sur les graffitis) :
I will present the notion of spaces and exchanges by talking about the visual street art. In class, we have organized our reflexion around the following issue « How can visual street art truly impact the community ? ». To tackle this issue, the first step we took was to study how the different members of the community responded to tags and graffiti in their city. We watched an Australian news bulletin reporting on an event along the railway tracks on Harbour bridge where two taggers risked theirs lives to draw on the side door of a running train. First of all we will see the illegality of their act, then the consequences for the vandals and the city. And to finish I would like to talk about my personal document which is linked with this video.
So first, in this video we can see that the two taggers are accumulating offences, indeed they open the back door of a moving train and they gesture rudely to the driver of the train coming opposite and so they distract his attention, which can be dangerous. In addition, tagging is an illegal action, it's described as vandalism. Making tag damages the community equipments, so entails reparations. Somebody who is arrested because of he was tagging can be fined up to $2,200 or be jailed for 12 month according to the journalist.
Let's talk about the physical consequences for vandals, indeed it's a very dangerous action, they are in a running train, if they fall they can die. The video has been taken by two young men who have been shocked by the risks that the two taggers took. The first witness in enharcing on the fact that he wouldn't do it himself, he says that he wouldn't take such a risk just to have his name graffed on the door of the train. The sydney chief Train executif expresses his worries about having to report a graffer's death to his parents. He says that someone of the family's taggers should tell them that it's wild. Moreover, the journalist in charge of the case reminds the viewer that even if the vandals expose themselves to bad consequences, the community has to pay too. Indeed, the government spent 26 million dollars to remove or repair damages linked to graffiti without take into account the fees for police investigations. All this costs are payed by the community trough taxes.
For my personal document I chose a photograph with an article made by the Miami Herald reporters. On the top of the photo we can see a tag made on a roadsign above a motorway, and, under, a dead body hidding by a canvas. The article explains that a graffiti artist was hit by the driver of a pickup after fell from a traffic sign onto Palmetto Expressway in Miami while he was tagging. The police found a spray can with silver paint next to the body. So what didn't happened to the two vandals of the video happened to him, it proves that making graffiti in inappropriate places can be very very tragic. We can asking ourselves if is it better to have his name written on a billboard or staying alive ?
To conclude and answer the issue we can say that this kind of street art can badly impact the community, first because it generates costs and also because it's dangerous for the vandals. Yet, graffiti artists are not all the sames, moreover there is also other kinds of graffiti that can be very gorgeous and being make with an authorization.
Merci d'avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-04-2014 22:57
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