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Message de coucoulebac posté le 29-04-2014 à 12:50:48 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
J'aurais besoin de l'aide des membres de ce forum afin d'avoir des corrections et des avis sur 2 notions que j'ai préparées pour l'Expression Orale du Bac que je passe dans 2 semaines.Je ferais les 2 autres en fonction des réponses obtenues.
Merci d'avance.
Espaces et Echanges:
"I will talk about the notion spaces and exchanges. The spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other. And the exchanges can include the migration of people, that's why I'm going to speak about the immigration in the USA.
What do the news Americans aspire to ?
First of all there was a first wave in the late nineteenth century with nearly 14 million immigrants who essentially came from Europe to have a new life and climbing the social ladder . The second wave took place in the twentieth century. Immigrants who passed the travel in horrible conditions flee their country because of the bad conditions in him, came to ellis island to undergo medical tests. But in 1965 the "Quota laws" were abolished and thus allow growth of immigration.
Secondly people emigrate and choose the USA as their destination because it's a country of hope. They hope to have a better life than in their original country, like Kayla who is from Cuba a country of dictature en live in Brooklyn now. To have a better job and a better education like Miguel who is from Mexico and want to integrate a prestigious university. Immigrants can fulfill their dreams like Fang who came to become a professional dancer. The immigrants believe in the American dream and they want to live him because their original country is poor or it can be a country of oppression.
But there are some difficulties and obstacles before they can access to this dream. They can have difficulties to find a place where they can live, or study, to find a job because they aren't documented or they don't speak the local language. And sometimes they came without their family and so they are alone in this new country, like Fang who left her parents in Taiwan or a job in NY but she doesn't like life over there because she hasn't any fixed point and she is there just for her job.
Finally, not every immigrants fail. Some of them succeeded through the obstacles and the difficulties. They are recognized, people know them. But to succeed in integration you should have the willpower, open-mindedness, a bit of luck and fluency in English, for example now the doctor Hata is seen as a benefit for the city, but when he arrived it was really difficult, people seemed to notice him. His integration is successful and he his happy now.
To conclude we can say that new Americans want to have a new life because they weren't happy in their original country. But some of them failed while other succes and realised their dreams in USA. I think that the American Dream is still alive."
Merci de m'avoir lu, j'espère avoir une réponse
A bientôt.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-04-2014 12:54
Message de coucoulebac posté le 29-04-2014 à 12:50:48 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
J'aurais besoin de l'aide des membres de ce forum afin d'avoir des corrections et des avis sur 2 notions que j'ai préparées pour l'Expression Orale du Bac que je passe dans 2 semaines.Je ferais les 2 autres en fonction des réponses obtenues.
Merci d'avance.
Espaces et Echanges:
"I will talk about the notion spaces and exchanges. The spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other. And the exchanges can include the migration of people, that's why I'm going to speak about the immigration in the USA.
What do the news Americans aspire to ?
First of all there was a first wave in the late nineteenth century with nearly 14 million immigrants who essentially came from Europe to have a new life and climbing the social ladder . The second wave took place in the twentieth century. Immigrants who passed the travel in horrible conditions flee their country because of the bad conditions in him, came to ellis island to undergo medical tests. But in 1965 the "Quota laws" were abolished and thus allow growth of immigration.
Secondly people emigrate and choose the USA as their destination because it's a country of hope. They hope to have a better life than in their original country, like Kayla who is from Cuba a country of dictature en live in Brooklyn now. To have a better job and a better education like Miguel who is from Mexico and want to integrate a prestigious university. Immigrants can fulfill their dreams like Fang who came to become a professional dancer. The immigrants believe in the American dream and they want to live him because their original country is poor or it can be a country of oppression.
But there are some difficulties and obstacles before they can access to this dream. They can have difficulties to find a place where they can live, or study, to find a job because they aren't documented or they don't speak the local language. And sometimes they came without their family and so they are alone in this new country, like Fang who left her parents in Taiwan or a job in NY but she doesn't like life over there because she hasn't any fixed point and she is there just for her job.
Finally, not every immigrants fail. Some of them succeeded through the obstacles and the difficulties. They are recognized, people know them. But to succeed in integration you should have the willpower, open-mindedness, a bit of luck and fluency in English, for example now the doctor Hata is seen as a benefit for the city, but when he arrived it was really difficult, people seemed to notice him. His integration is successful and he his happy now.
To conclude we can say that new Americans want to have a new life because they weren't happy in their original country. But some of them failed while other succes and realised their dreams in USA. I think that the American Dream is still alive."
Merci de m'avoir lu, j'espère avoir une réponse
A bientôt.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-04-2014 12:54
Réponse: Bac/ Espaces et échanges de mathisbenhamou, postée le 29-04-2014 à 16:11:55 (S | E)
Bonjour, ton texte est vraiment bien mais en revanche dans l'introduction tu dois présenter ton plan et définir les termes , essaye de le faire !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2014 08:33
Réponse: Bac/ Espaces et échanges de mathisbenhamou, postée le 29-04-2014 à 16:17:21 (S | E)
De plus je ne comprends pas très bien ta problématique; ne serait'il pas mieux de dire "What do the new Americans expect of their new life?" j'ai un anglais très faible , à toi de me dire ce que tu en penses.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2014 08:34
Réponse: Bac/ Espaces et échanges de coucoulebac, postée le 29-04-2014 à 19:33:44 (S | E)
Je pense que les deux problématiques se valent, ensuite je pense avoir défini les mots (enfin tout du moins comme je souhaite les développer pour la suite de la synthèse)
Quant au plan je n'en suis pas sûr; on ne nous a rien dit :s
Réponse: Bac/ Espaces et échanges de lucile83, postée le 30-04-2014 à 08:47:49 (S | E)
Hello,
Les erreurs sont en bleu.
Espaces et Echanges:
"I will talk about the notion spaces and exchanges. The spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other. And the exchanges can include the migration of people, that's why I'm going to speak about the immigration in the USA.
What do the news Americans aspire to ?
First of all there was a first wave in the late nineteenth century with nearly 14 million immigrants who essentially came from Europe to have a new life and climbing the social ladder . The second wave took place in the twentieth century. Immigrants who passed the travel in horrible conditions flee their country because of the bad conditions in him, came to ellis island to undergo medical tests. But in 1965 the "Quota laws" were abolished and thus allow growth of immigration.
Secondly people emigrate and choose the USA as their destination because it's a country of hope. They hope to have a better life than in their original country, like Kayla who is from Cuba a country of dictature en live in Brooklyn now. To have a better job and a better education like Miguel who is from Mexico and want to integrate a prestigious university. Immigrants can fulfill their dreams like Fang who came to become a professional dancer. The immigrants believe in the American dream and they want to live him because their original country is poor or it can be a country of oppression.
But there are some difficulties and obstacles before they can access to this dream. They can have difficulties to find a place where they can live, or study, to find a job because they aren't documented or they don't speak the local language. And sometimes they came without their family and so they are alone in this new country, like Fang who left her parents in Taiwan or a job in NY but she doesn't like life over there because she hasn't any fixed point and she is there just for her job.
Finally, not every immigrants fail. Some of them succeeded through the obstacles and the difficulties. They are recognized, people know them. But to succeed in integration you should have the willpower, open-mindedness, a bit of luck and fluency in English, for example now the doctor Hata is seen as a benefit for the city, but when he arrived it was really difficult, people seemed to notice him. His integration is successful and he his happy now.
To conclude we can say that new Americans want to have a new life because they weren't happy in their original country. But some of them failed while other succes and realised their dreams in ... USA. I think that the American Dream is still alive."
Réponse: Bac/ Espaces et échanges de coucoulebac, postée le 30-04-2014 à 18:07:16 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour la mise en valeur des fautes ;voici le "corrigé" en espérant qu'il n'y a plus de fautes ^^'
(entre parenthèses et en BLEU se trouvent les mots qui ont été changés)
En VERT se trouvent les corrections que j'ai apportées
""I will talk about the notion spaces and exchanges. The spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to (each other) between them. And the exchanges can include the migration of people, that's why I'm going to speak about the immigration in the USA.
What do the new(s) American(s) aspire to ?
First of all there was a first wave in the late nineteenth century with nearly 14 million immigrants who essentially came from Europe to have a new life and to (climbing) rise (climb ?) in the social ladder . The second wave took place in the twentieth century. Immigrants who (passed the travel) traveled in horrible conditions flee their country because of the bad conditions in (him) this one, they came to Ellis Island to do medical tests. But in 1965 the "Quota laws" were abolished and thus allow growth of immigration.
Secondly people emigrate and choose the USA as their destination because it's a country of hope. They hope to have a better life than in their original country, like Kayla who is from Cuba a country of (dictature) under dictatorship (en) and now she live in Brooklyn. To have a better job and a better education like Miguel who is from Mexico and (want) wanted to integrate a prestigious university. Immigrants can fulfill their dreams like Fang who came to become a professional dancer. The immigrants believe in the American dream and they want to live (him) it because their original country is poor or it can be a country of oppression.
But there are some difficulties and obstacles before they can access to this dream. They can have difficulties to find a place where they can live, or study, to find a job because they aren't documented or they don't speak the local language. And sometimes they (came) come without their (family) families and so they are alone in this new country, like Fang who left her parents in Taiwan for a job in NY but she doesn't like life over there because she hasn't any fixed point and she is there just for her job.
Finally, not every (immigrants fail). Some of them (succeeded) succeed through the obstacles and the difficulties. They are recognized, people know them. But to succeed in integration you (should) have to have (the) willpower, open-mindedness, a bit of luck and fluency in English, for example now the doctor Hata is seen as a benefit for the city, but when he arrived it was really difficult, people seemed to notice him. His integration is successful and he (his) is happy now.
To conclude we can say that new Americans want to have a new life because they weren't happy in their original country. But some of them failed while other (succes) succeed and realised their dreams in the USA. I think that the American Dream is still alive."
Merci encore, en espérant ne pas avoir fait de fautes dans la mise en couleur mais je ne pense pas ^^
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