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Message de yaya18 posté le 13-09-2014 à 10:44:08 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
ma professeure Mon professeur d'anglais m'a demandé de raconter un voyage qui m'a marqué, j'ai donc décidé de raconter mon voyage scolaire en Angleterre et je voudrais savoir si j'ai fait quelques fautes grammaticales/orthographiques. Merci pour ceux qui auront le temps de m'aider 
One day, I went to United Kingdom with my school.
The day when we had to go, I woke up at five o'clock. I was so exited and very happy that's why it was easy for me to get up at this hour.
My Mother was cooking a big meal for me while I was preparing myself for the journey.
Aymeric who is my best friend and his father dropped me off at the entrance of the school at 6:15
We were a bit late because a boy from my class lost his ID card. Finally, with all my classmates We took the bus, I was sitting next to Paul an other friend of mine during the road.
We arrived at 6:45 to Calais.
After that, we went on the boat, my friends and I were extremely happy as well because this was my first time that I traveled on a ship although the duration of the journey was short.
We took a bus again for an hour to go to Brighton. We arrived at the parking and suddenly I saw my foster family, I got off the bus hurriedly, I was so excited to see them.
Many minutes later, My friend and I entered into the house, they show us the room where we're going to sleep this week.
During the week, we went to London and of course we visited the best monuments in London (Big Ben, St Paul's Cathedral, houses of parliament...)
We were walking through the streets of Brighton when we saw the biggest Candy's store I've never seen before !
I had 50£, so it was sufficient to buy a lots of candies !
When I went back home, I was so tired but that couldn't help playing with my english exchange and his brother. (J'étais trop fatigué mais ça ne pouvait pas m'empêcher de jouer avec mon correspondant et son frère)
Unfortunately, I should say "Goodbye" to them... It was a gorgeous adventure and I would never forget that !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-09-2014 16:09
Professeur est un titre et ne doit pas prendre le genre féminin.
Lien internet
Message de yaya18 posté le 13-09-2014 à 10:44:08 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
One day, I went to United Kingdom with my school.
The day when we had to go, I woke up at five o'clock. I was so exited and very happy that's why it was easy for me to get up at this hour.
My Mother was cooking a big meal for me while I was preparing myself for the journey.
Aymeric who is my best friend and his father dropped me off at the entrance of the school at 6:15
We were a bit late because a boy from my class lost his ID card. Finally, with all my classmates We took the bus, I was sitting next to Paul an other friend of mine during the road.
We arrived at 6:45 to Calais.
After that, we went on the boat, my friends and I were extremely happy as well because this was my first time that I traveled on a ship although the duration of the journey was short.
We took a bus again for an hour to go to Brighton. We arrived at the parking and suddenly I saw my foster family, I got off the bus hurriedly, I was so excited to see them.
Many minutes later, My friend and I entered into the house, they show us the room where we're going to sleep this week.
During the week, we went to London and of course we visited the best monuments in London (Big Ben, St Paul's Cathedral, houses of parliament...)
We were walking through the streets of Brighton when we saw the biggest Candy's store I've never seen before !
I had 50£, so it was sufficient to buy a lots of candies !
When I went back home, I was so tired but that couldn't help playing with my english exchange and his brother. (J'étais trop fatigué mais ça ne pouvait pas m'empêcher de jouer avec mon correspondant et son frère)
Unfortunately, I should say "Goodbye" to them... It was a gorgeous adventure and I would never forget that !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-09-2014 16:09
Professeur est un titre et ne doit pas prendre le genre féminin.
Lien internet
Réponse: Raconter un voyage/aide de sherry48, postée le 14-09-2014 à 00:22:13 (S | E)
Hello. It looks pretty good, but here are some of the things to correct.
One day, I went to United Kingdom with my school.
The day when we had to go, I woke up at five o'clock. I was so exited
and very happy, that's why it was easy for me to get up at this hour.My Mother was cooking a big meal for me while I was preparing myself for the journey.
Aymeric who is my best friend and his father dropped me off at the entrance of the school at 6:15.
We were a bit late because a boy from my class lost his ID card. Finally, (with all my classmates) we took the bus. I was sitting next to Paul an other
friend of mine during the road.We arrived at 6:45 to
Calais. After that, we went on the boat. My friends and I were extremely happy as well because this was my (Just your first time?) first time that I traveled on a ship although the duration of the journey was short.
We took a bus again for an hour to go to Brighton. We arrived at the parking _______ and suddenly I saw my foster (better word-try dictionary) family. I got off the bus hurriedly,_______ I was so excited to see them.
Many minutes later, My friend and I entered
us the room where we're (without contraction) going to sleep this week.During the week, we went to London and of course we visited the best monuments in London (Big Ben, St Paul's Cathedral, houses of parliament...)
We were walking through the streets of Brighton when we saw the biggest Candy's
store I've never seen I had 50£, so it was sufficient to buy a lots
of candies !When I went back home, I was so tired but that
couldn't help playing with my english exchange (use a noun) and his brother. (J'étais trop fatigué mais ça ne pouvait pas m'empêcher de jouer avec mon correspondant et son frère)Unfortunately, I should say "Goodbye" to them... It was a gorgeous adventure and I would never forget it.
About this hour and this week--since you are telling a story that took place in the past, there is a better word to use.
Sherry
Réponse: Raconter un voyage/aide de yaya18, postée le 14-09-2014 à 08:47:17 (S | E)
Thank you Sherry for taking the time to correct my mistakes
I tried to correct them, I hope it's perfect now
One day, I went to United Kingdom with my school.
The day when we had to go, I woke up at five o'clock. I was so EXCited and very happy that's why it was easy for me to get up at this hour.
My mother was cooking a big meal for me while I was preparing myself for the journey.
Aymeric who is my best friend and his father dropped me off at the entrance of the school at 6:15
We were a bit late because a boy from my class lost his ID card. Finally, with all my classmates We took the bus, I was sitting next to Paul AND ANOTHER friend of mine during the TRIP.
We arrived at 6:45 FROM Calais.
After that, we went on the boat, my friends and I were extremely happy as well because this was my first time that I traveled on a ship although the duration of the journey was short.
We took a bus again for an hour to go to Brighton. We arrived at the parking and suddenly I saw my foster family, I got off the bus hurriedly, I was so excited to see them.
Many minutes later, My friend and I entered into the house, they showED us the room where we ARE going to sleep FOR 1 week.
During the week, we went to London and of course we visited the best monuments in London (Big Ben, St Paul's Cathedral, houses of parliament...)
We were walking through the streets of Brighton when we saw the biggest Candy store I've ever seen !
I had 50£, so it was sufficient to buy SOME candies !
When I went back home, I was so tired but IT couldn't help playing with my english exchange and his brother. (J'étais trop fatigué mais ça ne pouvait pas m'empêcher de jouer avec mon correspondant et son frère)
Unfortunately, I HAD TO say "Goodbye" to them... It was a gorgeous adventure and I would never forget that !
Réponse: Raconter un voyage/aide de here4u, postée le 14-09-2014 à 10:44:29 (S | E)
Hello
Here, I'm going to correct you following the criteria imposed in exams ... ( much less kind! )
One day, I went to Xxx United Kingdom with my school.
The day when we had to go(mauvais choix de modal. Had to = obligation; il faut 'devoir' au sens 'Était prévu de' I woke up at five o'clock. I was so EXCited and very happy that's why it was easy for me to get up at this hour.
My mother was cooking a big meal for me while I was preparing myself for the journey.
Aymeric who is my best friend and his father dropped me off at the entrance of the school at 6:15
We were a bit late because a boy from my class XXX lost his ID card. Finally, with all my classmates Wetook the bus, (coach, rather) I was sitting next to Paul AND ANOTHER friend of mine during the TRIP.
We arrived at 6:45 FROM Calais. (+ ordre des mots)
After that, we went on the boat(ferry), my friends and I were extremely happy as well because this was my first time that I XXX (tps)traveled on a ship although the duration of the journey was short.
We took a bus again for an hour to go to Brighton. We arrived at the parking XXX and suddenly I saw my foster(guest family) family, I got off the bus hurriedly, I was so excited to see them.
Many minutes later, My friend and I entered into the house, they showED us the room where we ARE going to sleep FOR 1 week.
During the week, we went to London and of course we visited the best monuments in London (Big Ben(you saw BB BUT COULDN't visit it, could you ?
), St Paul's Cathedral,xxx Hhouses of Pparliament...)We were walking through the streets of Brighton when we saw the biggest Candy store I've ever seen !
I had ( £ devant la somme)50£, so it was sufficient to buy SOME candies !
When I went back home, I was so tired but IT couldn't (prevent me from? )(help)playing with my (capital for nationalities)english exchange (friend)and his brother. (J'étais trop fatigué mais ça ne pouvait pas m'empêcher de jouer avec mon correspondant et son frère)
Unfortunately, I HAD TO say "Goodbye" to them... It was a gorgeous adventure and I would never forget that !
Hope it'll help !
Réponse: Raconter un voyage/aide de yaya18, postée le 14-09-2014 à 12:20:13 (S | E)
Thank you guys for helping me. But Here4u, there are mistakes that I don't understand...such as :
it was easy for me to get up at this hour. (Personnellement je trouve pas de fautes spécifiques, à moins que ce soit "that")
We took a bus again. (En quoi le mot "bus" n'est pas approprié ?)
One day, I went to the United Kingdom with my school.
The day when we should go, I woke up at five o'clock. I was so excited and very happy that's why it was easy for me to get up at this hour.
My mother was cooking a big meal for me while I was preparing myself for the journey.
Aymeric who is my best friend and his father dropped me off at the entrance of the school at 6:15
We were a bit late because a boy from my class had lost his ID card. Finally, with all my classmates We took the bus, I was sitting next to Paul and another friend of mine during the trip.
We arrived in London at 6:45.
After that, we went on the boat, my friends and I were extremely happy as well because this was my first time that I traveled on a ship although the duration of the journey was short.
We took a bus again for an hour to go to Brighton. We arrived at the parking place and suddenly I saw my guest family, I got off the bus hurriedly, I was so excited to see them.
Many minutes later, My friend and I entered the house, they showed us the room where we were going to sleep for 1 week.
During the week, we went to London and of course we visited the best monuments in London (The Houses of Parliament,Big Ben, St Paul's Cathedral...)
We were walking through the streets of Brighton when we saw the biggest Candy store I had ever seen !
I had £50, so it was sufficient to buy some candies !
When I went back home, I was so tired but that doesn't prevent me from playing with my friend and his brother. Unfortunately, I had to say "Goodbye" to them... It was a gorgeous adventure and I would never forget that !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-09-2014 13:42
No red on the forum, thank you.
Réponse: Raconter un voyage/aide de here4u, postée le 14-09-2014 à 18:10:38 (S | E)
it was easy for me to get up at this hour. (Personnellement je trouve pas de fautes spécifiques, à moins que ce soit "that")Eh oui ! 'this'est proche, 'that' éloigné !
We took a bus again. (En quoi le mot "bus" n'est pas approprié ?)'Bus' fait référence à une ligne normale où tout le monde peut monter; 'coach' est un autocar pour un groupe précis où personne d'extérieur ne monte !
One day, I went to the United Kingdom with my school.OUI= THE UK ; THE USA.
Much better ... Encore quelques maladresses, mais plus de grosses fautes !
The day when we should go, I woke up at five o'clock. I was so excited and very happy that's why it was easy for me to get up at this (idem)hour.
My mother was cooking a big meal for me while I was preparing myself for the journey.
Aymeric who is my best friend and his father dropped me off at the entrance of the school at 6:15
We were a bit late because a boy from my class had lost his ID card. Finally, with all my classmates We(pourquoi une majuscule?)took the bus, I was sitting next to Paul and another friend of mine during the trip.
We arrived in London at 6:45.
After that, weent??? on the boat, my friends and I were extremely happy as well because this was my first time that I (temps faux)traveled on a ship although the duration of the journey was short.
We took a bus again for an hour to go to Brighton. We arrived at the parking place and suddenly I saw my guest family, I got off the bus hurriedly, I was so excited to see them.
Many minutes later, My friend and I entered the house, they showed us the room where we were going to sleep for 1 week.
During the week, we went to London and of course we visited the best monuments in London (The Houses of Parliament,Big Ben, St Paul's Cathedral...)
We were walking through the streets of Brighton when we saw the biggest Candy store I had ever seen !
I had £50, so it was sufficient to buy some candies !
When I went back home, I was so tired ....but that doesn't(temps) prevent me from playing with my friend and his brother. Unfortunately, I had to say "Goodbye" to them... It was a gorgeous adventure and I would never forget that !
(c'était une expérience formidable que je n'oublierAI jamais' ...
Réponse: Raconter un voyage/aide de yaya18, postée le 14-09-2014 à 18:35:07 (S | E)
Je ne me ferai jamais à toutes ces subtilités
Et encore je les ai pas toutes connues... En tout cas merci d'avoir pris de votre temps pour m'aider
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