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Message de lyceen5555 posté le 26-10-2014 à 13:30:31 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Tout d'abord, un gros merci pour votre aide.
Voilà, je mets mon texte en ligne. Pouvez-vous me le corriger s'il vous plaît ?
Un gros merci!
In the first African slaves arrived in the USA.In the early 17th century,
In the early 17th century, many Africans were reduced to aid in the production of such lucrative crops.They were systematically oppressed and deprived of their rights. That's why they were many revolts against the European settlers. Many African slave rebellions and insurrections took place during the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries. In 1787,Slavery was made illegal in the Northwest Territory . In the South, the people thought that their economy could not survive without slave labor. Five years later, Eli Whitney's, a american inventor, created the cotton gin. His invention increases the demand for slave labor.
In 1863, USA abolished slavery. Between 1876 and 1964 , all marriages between a white american and a black american were prohibited.A black american couldn't eat in the same restaurant with a white american,... These segregationist laws was called the "jim crow laws". In addition, they were persecute by the KKK.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-10-2014 14:52
Message de lyceen5555 posté le 26-10-2014 à 13:30:31 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Tout d'abord, un gros merci pour votre aide.
Voilà, je mets mon texte en ligne. Pouvez-vous me le corriger s'il vous plaît ?
Un gros merci!
In the first African slaves arrived in the USA.In the early 17th century,
In the early 17th century, many Africans were reduced to aid in the production of such lucrative crops.They were systematically oppressed and deprived of their rights. That's why they were many revolts against the European settlers. Many African slave rebellions and insurrections took place during the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries. In 1787,Slavery was made illegal in the Northwest Territory . In the South, the people thought that their economy could not survive without slave labor. Five years later, Eli Whitney's, a american inventor, created the cotton gin. His invention increases the demand for slave labor.
In 1863, USA abolished slavery. Between 1876 and 1964 , all marriages between a white american and a black american were prohibited.A black american couldn't eat in the same restaurant with a white american,... These segregationist laws was called the "jim crow laws". In addition, they were persecute by the KKK.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-10-2014 14:52
Réponse: Correction/Slaves de lucile83, postée le 27-10-2014 à 06:52:04 (S | E)
Anyone?
Réponse: Correction/Slaves de tdu6300, postée le 27-10-2014 à 11:05:43 (S | E)
Bonjour Lyceen5555
Bleu = Erreurs ou à vérifier
Vert = Mes propositions
X ou XXX = Ponctuation ou espace ou mot manquants
(Numéro) = Renvoi aux explications en bas de page
In the first (1) African slaves arrived in the USA.XIn the early 17th century,
In the early 17th century, many Africans were reduced to aid (2)in the production of such lucrative crops.(3) They were systematically oppressed and deprived of their rights. That's why they (4) were many revolts against the European settlers. Many African slave rebellions and insurrections took place during the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries. In 1787,XSlavery was made illegal in the Northwest Territory . In the South, the people thought that their economy could not survive without slave labor. Five years later, Eli Whitney's, a (5) american inventor, created the cotton gin. His invention increases (6) the demand for slave labor.
In 1863, XXX USA abolished slavery. Between 1876 and 1964 ,(10) all marriages between a white american and a black american were prohibited.XA black american couldn't eat in the same restaurant with (7) a white american,... These segregationist laws was called the "jim crow laws"(8). In addition, they were persecute (9) by the KKK.
(1) "In the first" is wrong. What do you mean? Au début? Premièrement?
(2) Reduced to sous-entends une contrainte plus forte que ce que "aid" suggère. Vous pourriez utiliser un autre mot que "aid", mais ce que vous avez écrit est correct malgré tout.
(3) « such » sous-entends que vous allez nommer l’un des objets dont vous parlez de manière générale ou énumérer plusieurs si vous mettez le mot général au pluriel. Ici « crops » est au pluriel, donc on s’attend à voir une liste de ces « crops ». Sinon, il faut revoir cette partie de votre phrase.
(4) They ? Ce n’est pas le mot qu’il faut ici.
(5) Lien internet
(6) Problème de concordance des temps
(7) « same » empêche d’utiliser "with". Soit vous remplacez « with », soit vous revoyez votre phrase à partir de « same ». Lien internet
(8) Noms propres
(9) Conjugaison
(10) Pas d'espace entre la dernière lettre et la virgule.
Bon travail. Le texte est tout à fait compréhensible. Quelques fautes, à priori d'inattention.
Il y a de la graine de
en vous. Continuez.En espérant vous être utile.
Cordialement.
Réponse: Correction/Slaves de lyceen5555, postée le 27-10-2014 à 17:12:56 (S | E)
Bonjour!
Je vous remercie pour votre réponse, un grand merci.
In 1613 the first African slaves arrived in the USA. Then,In the early 17th century,
many Africans were reduced to aidin the production of such lucrative crops as tobacco and cereals . They were systematically oppressed and deprived of their rights. That's why they ( Je n'arrive pas à trouver ici le mot juste....) were many revolts against the European settlers. Many African slave rebellions and insurrections took place during the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries. In 1787,Slavery was made illegal in the Northwest Territory . In the South, the people thought that their economy could not survive without slave labor. Five years later, Eli Whitney's, an american inventor, created the cotton gin. His invention increased the demand for slave labor.
In 1863, the USA abolished slavery. Between 1876 and 1964,(10) all marriages between a white american and a black american were prohibited.A black american couldn't eat in the same restaurant with ( comment dans ce cas exprimé avec san sutiliser "avec" ? a white american,... These segregationist laws was called the "Jim Crow laws"(8). In addition, they were persecuted by the KKK.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 27-10-2014 17:32
Réponse: Correction/Slaves de tdu6300, postée le 28-10-2014 à 11:06:19 (S | E)
Bonjour Lyceen5555
Bleu = Erreurs ou à vérifier
Vert = Mes propositions
X ou XXX = Ponctuation ou espace ou mot manquants
(Numéro) = Renvoi aux explications en bas de page
In 1613 the first African slaves arrived in the USA. Then,In(1) the early 17th century,
many Africans were reduced to aidin(2) the production of such lucrative crops as tobacco and cereals . They were systematically oppressed and deprived of their rights. That's why they (3)( Je n'arrive pas à trouver ici le mot juste....) were many revolts against the European settlers. Many African slave rebellions and insurrections took place during the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries. In 1787,Slavery (4)was made illegal in the Northwest Territory . (5) In the South, the people thought that their economy could not survive without slave labor. Five years later, Eli Whitney's, an american(6) inventor, created the cotton gin. His invention increased the demand for slave labor.
In 1863, the USA abolished slavery. Between 1876 and 1964, all marriages between a white american(6) and a black american(6) were prohibited.A(4) black american couldn't eat in the same restaurant with(7) ( comment dans ce cas exprimé avec san sutiliser "avec" ? a white american,... These segregationist laws was(8) called the "Jim Crow laws". In addition, they were persecuted by the KKK.
(1) Voir (4)
(2) Votre 1ère version était mieux. Mais ce que je voulais dire est que « reduced » implique une situation de contrainte, une obligation, tout comme en français d’ailleurs. En être réduit à faire les poubelles, être réduit en esclavage, etc… Le verbe « to aid » qui suit « reduced » dans votre phrase n’exprime pas cette idée. On aide de façon volontaire. Il semble incompatible d’exprimer l’idée d’être réduit à aider. Je ne sais pas comment exprimer cela sans vous donner « ma » solution. Vous pourriez peut-être utiliser « reduced » pour décrire un état, et remplacer « to aid » par un groupe de mot qui indiquerait la contrainte.
(3) Lien internet
(4) Il manque un espace entre la virgule et le mot suivant. De plus la lettre du mot suivant doit être en minuscule.
(5) Il y a un espace en trop entre le “y” de “Territory” et le point final de la phrase.
(6) Lien internet
(7) Mon premier conseil : Traduisez votre phrase de l’anglais vers le français. Vous allez voir que même en français, ça cloche. Mon deuxième conseil, c’est de ré-écrire celui donné dans le post précédent : « same » empêche d’utiliser "with". Soit vous remplacez « with », soit vous revoyez votre phrase à partir de « same ». Lien internet
(8) J’étais passé à côté de cette erreur dans mon premier post. Il y a plusieurs lois, alos…
En espérant vous être utile.
Cordialement
Réponse: Correction/Slaves de lyceen5555, postée le 28-10-2014 à 13:18:05 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voilà ma nouvelle version, un grand merci pour votre aide.
In 1613, the first African slaves arrived in the USA. The earlier seventeenth century, many Africans were reduced to work for the production of such lucrative crops as tobacco and cereals . They were systematically oppressed and deprived of their rights. That's why, there were many revolts against the European settlers. Many African slave rebellions and insurrections took place during the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries. In 1787, Slavery was made illegal in the Northwest Territory. In the South, the people thought that their economy could not survive without slave labor. Five years later, Eli Whitney's, an American inventor, created the cotton gin. His invention increased the demand for slave labor.
In 1863, the USA abolished slavery. Between 1876 and 1964, all marriages between a white American and a black american were prohibited. A black american couldn't eat in a restaurant with a white American,... These segregationist laws were called called the "Jim Crow laws". In addition, they were persecuted by the KKK.
Réponse: Correction/Slaves de tdu6300, postée le 29-10-2014 à 10:01:00 (S | E)
Bonjour Lyceen5555
Bleu = Erreurs ou à vérifier
Vert = Mes propositions
X ou XXX = Ponctuation ou espace ou mot manquants
(Numéro) = Renvoi aux explications en bas de page
In 1613, the first African slaves arrived in the USA. The earlier seventeenth century,(1) many Africans were reduced to work for the production of such lucrative crops as tobacco and cereals .(2) They were systematically oppressed and deprived of their rights. That's why,(3) there were many revolts against the European settlers. Many African slave rebellions and insurrections took place during the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries. In 1787, Slavery(4) was made illegal in the Northwest Territory. In the South,(4) the people thought that their economy could not survive without slave labor. Five years later, Eli Whitney's, an American inventor, created the cotton gin. His invention increased the demand for slave labor.
In 1863, the USA abolished slavery. Between 1876 and 1964, all marriages between a white American and a black american(5) were prohibited. A black american(5) couldn't eat in a restaurant with a white American,... These segregationist laws were called called(6) the "Jim Crow laws". In addition, they were persecuted by the KKK.
(1) Votre post précédent était mieux. Il n’y avait qu’un problème de ponctuation et une majuscule à remplacer par une minuscule. Cette version n’est pas correcte. Revenez à l’ancienne en corrigeant ce qui doit être corrigé. Je sais ce que vous avez voulu dire ici, et c’est très bien aussi, mais je n’ai pas le temps aujourd’hui de vous expliquer en quoi c’est incorrect et ce qu’il faudrait faire pour corriger.
(2) Ponctuation. Pas d’espace entre la dernière lettre du mot et le point final.
(3) Ponctuation. Pas de virgule ici. Relisez votre phrase pour vous en rendre compte.
(4) Je ne pense pas que ces mots soient des noms propres.
(5) Lien internet
(6) Répétition. Une fois « called » devrait suffire.
Bravo.
Votre devoir était bien au départ. Vous avez su l’améliorer. Mais le plus important est que vous compreniez où vous avez fait des fautes et pourquoi.Vous êtes sur la bonne voie. Continuez.
En espérant vous être utile.
Réponse: Correction/Slaves de lyceen5555, postée le 29-10-2014 à 23:31:07 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Un grand merci pour votre aide!
Voici la nouvelle version:
In 1613, the first African slaves arrived in the USA. In the early 17th century, many Africans were reduced to work for the production of such lucrative crops as tobacco and cereals. They were systematically oppressed and deprived of their rights. That's why there were many revolts against the European settlers. Many African slave rebellions and insurrections took place during the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries. In 1787, slavery(4) was made illegal in the Northwest Territory. In the south, the people thought that their economy could not survive without slave labor. Five years later, Eli Whitney's, an American inventor, created the cotton gin. His invention increased the demand for slave labor.
In 1863, the USA abolished slavery. Between 1876 and 1964, all marriages between a white American and a black American were prohibited. A black American couldn't eat in a restaurant with a white American,... These segregationist laws were called the "Jim Crow laws". In addition, they were persecuted by the KKK.
Réponse: Correction/Slaves de tdu6300, postée le 30-10-2014 à 09:12:33 (S | E)
Bonjour Lyceen5555
Mis à part l'oubli d'un de mes numéros (4) après le mot slavery, je ne vois plus de faute, mais je ne suis pas parfait.
J'espère vous avoir été utile.
Vous êtes sur la bonne voie. Vous avez fait un bel effort, et comme je vous l'ai dit, dès le départ, votre production était bonne et compréhensible.
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