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Message de selyan93 posté le 18-11-2014 à 19:11:52 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aurais besoin d'aide s'il vous plaît pour corriger ma rédaction et vérifier les fautes que j'ai faites. Merci d'avance.
Voici ma rédaction:
Culture shock
My name is Selyan Mouhoubi, I’m French and I live in France. I’m seventeen years old, my mom is Japanese and my dad is French. So I have of Japan origins. It was always my dream to go to Japan, and my mom said that one day we’re going to go to Japan for met my grandparents and because I am fan of manga , and like everybody knows all the manga are Japanese, it’s for me the country of the comics and that’s why I love this country. My mother always told me that if I have my high school diploma I would have the most important gift for me. So, when I obtained my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology my mom and me have been to Japan. I could see myself over there. Before the trip I pictured that everything in the Japan was huge with large building, I thought everyone was small and skinny and there were lots of people in the street. When I first arrived in Japan, I was so excited and happy that was finally in Japan. I met my grandparents and the family of my mom. But, I didn’t speak Japan and I had so many difficulties to speak with my cousin or with my grandparents, it was very annoying, it was necessary for me to become integrated. Life in Japan was very different about one month, there was not only the language who was a problem, I had a problem with the food and the hours because in Japan the food is very strange, Japanese eats animals like dogs or cats, the food is very fat and mealtimes are slightly offset compared with the French hours. So, I was feeling unhappy, during this period I couldn’t sleep good and I was depressed. It was a really culture shock for me and I missed France. Over the next few months, I understood Japan culture better and better every day, my level in Japanese was improving and I was completely integrated. When I returned to France I was really disappointed but it was a formidable trip.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-11-2014 19:13
Message de selyan93 posté le 18-11-2014 à 19:11:52 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aurais besoin d'aide s'il vous plaît pour corriger ma rédaction et vérifier les fautes que j'ai faites. Merci d'avance.
Voici ma rédaction:
Culture shock
My name is Selyan Mouhoubi, I’m French and I live in France. I’m seventeen years old, my mom is Japanese and my dad is French. So I have of Japan origins. It was always my dream to go to Japan, and my mom said that one day we’re going to go to Japan for met my grandparents and because I am fan of manga , and like everybody knows all the manga are Japanese, it’s for me the country of the comics and that’s why I love this country. My mother always told me that if I have my high school diploma I would have the most important gift for me. So, when I obtained my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology my mom and me have been to Japan. I could see myself over there. Before the trip I pictured that everything in the Japan was huge with large building, I thought everyone was small and skinny and there were lots of people in the street. When I first arrived in Japan, I was so excited and happy that was finally in Japan. I met my grandparents and the family of my mom. But, I didn’t speak Japan and I had so many difficulties to speak with my cousin or with my grandparents, it was very annoying, it was necessary for me to become integrated. Life in Japan was very different about one month, there was not only the language who was a problem, I had a problem with the food and the hours because in Japan the food is very strange, Japanese eats animals like dogs or cats, the food is very fat and mealtimes are slightly offset compared with the French hours. So, I was feeling unhappy, during this period I couldn’t sleep good and I was depressed. It was a really culture shock for me and I missed France. Over the next few months, I understood Japan culture better and better every day, my level in Japanese was improving and I was completely integrated. When I returned to France I was really disappointed but it was a formidable trip.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-11-2014 19:13
Réponse: Culture shock/ aide de violet91, postée le 18-11-2014 à 22:54:20 (S | E)
Bonsoir ,
Votre texte est déjà intéressant .
Charmant votre ' Bachelor's degree ( le Bachelor de la télévision vous a trop influencé
. Le diplôme de célibataire ?!
( A levels in GB , high school final exam ( diploma or 'baccalauréat' à garder en français ) . On ne parle de 'degrees qu'en université . Vous choisissez le mot 'Mom' ( US and Canada comme,'Mommy ' ) délibérément ? En GB, on dirait Mum pour Mummy ( concordance des temps et conditionnel sur la phrase de la promesse 'one day '. Attention aux étourderies ( sg au lieu de pl ou le contraire ) , I have of Japan ..' est à reprendre : to be and to have , attention . Vous êtes japonais pour moitié ; articles définis en place de 0 article = indéfinis pluriels ( dogs, cats ) , le génitif saxon = the boy's dream : la famille de ma mère ( utilisez mother plus souvent ) , l'adverbe 'bien' et non l'adjectif ' bon' . Expression du but , pas avec for : infinitif complet . Le Japon et le japonais ( une fois et c'est évitable ; vous l'avez utilisé correctement vers la fin ) les décalages horaires de repas sont confusément exprimés . Vous n'avez sans doute pas souffert de dépression de par ce dépaysement , ce choc de cultures , mais de mal du pays ( je me sentais ...'malade du pays '. Le revirement de la fin arrive un peu brutalement : il faudrait étoffer un peu le changement progressif . Sorry , mais je ne peux faire de copié /collé et fonctionne de mémoire .
Une deuxième proposition , s'il vous plaît ? Bonne soirée .
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