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Message from favelani posted on 11-12-2014 at 18:21:37 (D | E | F)
Hello,
Could you help me to correct my essay please? Thank you for any reply.
The world is changing day by day gradually, also individuals and their habits are changing but this changing is not always occurs in a good way. Human activities on the world effects people and earth in many aspects. The aim of this essay will be consumerism and will focus on negative effects of it. is a problem which we call as "consumerism" and it is being increasingly worse after all time that passed. Consumerism have existed since the first civilizations and it is getting higher and higher every day. Consumerism has negative impacts on the whole earth and peoples' life such as unsustainability issues, having consumerism as a habit, and increasing capitalism.
First of all, it is obvious that the most critical negative effect of consumerism is unsustainability. It can be seen clearly in every manner of perspective which we are looking to the earth; for instance, as a place to live, as a field which is filled with sources or just as a planet, our sources are running out. Our world can’t cope with the consumes of 6 billion and plus more people. Moreover, it isn’t capable of restoring itself while several billions of people using it’s sources. There is a red line border of earth can handle and we have passed it already. Sustainability means maintain their existence in earth for humans and there is an ecological meaning of it which means sustain natural sources and keep animal beings alive. Our sources are being consumed away because of consumerism. People are wanting lots of things and their demands are increasing in direct proportion with passing days. So production sector supports that demand and when they start to product more, the more they consume the more energy they use, the more material they gather, the more source they spend. 70 percent of the sources on earth are wasted in 50 years. Just two percent of waters are appropriate to drink. There are 6 billions of people living in earth and some researchers say that estimated number of people who will live on earth in 2050 is 20 billion. Can earth keep it’s restoration up with that much number of people? The answer is no, also it can’t even keep up with 6 billion. If our sources run out there will be global wars for energy, materials and water. Big economies will try to attack other countries to sustain their existence. When drinkable waters be reduced to lethal level people will fight with each other. Animals will die because of their valuable leathers, tooths, etc. And then they will extinct.
Secondly, people are getting used to consume much more which we can also say it as they are having consuming as a habit. With the globalization people have more opportunity to buy things. Developing in technology allow traders to sell their stuffs in internet or in other platforms. People saw the capacity, they saw the opportunities and they become more careless on their expenditures. They became more regardless to the world. Now consuming meets us as a habit. Lots of people can not do anything without buying and using things. High amount of them are buying stuffs which they don’t even need. Just for pleasure. Also that habit is making them alone. Individuals are being materialist. They’re adoring to the money. Emotions are losing worth in their life. Researches show that divorcing rates are increased because of consuming habits. Because people don’t care each others feelings. Their priorities changed. One may break anothers’ life because of a purchasable thing. “Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want.”(Lappe, O Magazine, 2003)Furthermore, people become more ambitious. They want to earn more money -in some aspects they want to earn more than their colleagues- to buy more things. Moreover, we can say that this situation causes a chain reaction. One person starts to challenge with others and rest of them will begin to compete with each other. To come to the last thing in this paragraph, having consuming habit is psychological. So it can be said consumerism is harmful for human psychology. It makes human more careless, ambitious and unhappy. People which can not be able to buy the things that they want are being unhappy because of the feeling of weakness. World seems merciless to them sometimes and it’s causing lack of morale in person.
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Edited by lucile83 on 11-12-2014 18:32
Message from favelani posted on 11-12-2014 at 18:21:37 (D | E | F)
Hello,
Could you help me to correct my essay please? Thank you for any reply.
The world is changing day by day gradually, also individuals and their habits are changing but this changing is not always occurs in a good way. Human activities on the world effects people and earth in many aspects. The aim of this essay will be consumerism and will focus on negative effects of it. is a problem which we call as "consumerism" and it is being increasingly worse after all time that passed. Consumerism have existed since the first civilizations and it is getting higher and higher every day. Consumerism has negative impacts on the whole earth and peoples' life such as unsustainability issues, having consumerism as a habit, and increasing capitalism.
First of all, it is obvious that the most critical negative effect of consumerism is unsustainability. It can be seen clearly in every manner of perspective which we are looking to the earth; for instance, as a place to live, as a field which is filled with sources or just as a planet, our sources are running out. Our world can’t cope with the consumes of 6 billion and plus more people. Moreover, it isn’t capable of restoring itself while several billions of people using it’s sources. There is a red line border of earth can handle and we have passed it already. Sustainability means maintain their existence in earth for humans and there is an ecological meaning of it which means sustain natural sources and keep animal beings alive. Our sources are being consumed away because of consumerism. People are wanting lots of things and their demands are increasing in direct proportion with passing days. So production sector supports that demand and when they start to product more, the more they consume the more energy they use, the more material they gather, the more source they spend. 70 percent of the sources on earth are wasted in 50 years. Just two percent of waters are appropriate to drink. There are 6 billions of people living in earth and some researchers say that estimated number of people who will live on earth in 2050 is 20 billion. Can earth keep it’s restoration up with that much number of people? The answer is no, also it can’t even keep up with 6 billion. If our sources run out there will be global wars for energy, materials and water. Big economies will try to attack other countries to sustain their existence. When drinkable waters be reduced to lethal level people will fight with each other. Animals will die because of their valuable leathers, tooths, etc. And then they will extinct.
Secondly, people are getting used to consume much more which we can also say it as they are having consuming as a habit. With the globalization people have more opportunity to buy things. Developing in technology allow traders to sell their stuffs in internet or in other platforms. People saw the capacity, they saw the opportunities and they become more careless on their expenditures. They became more regardless to the world. Now consuming meets us as a habit. Lots of people can not do anything without buying and using things. High amount of them are buying stuffs which they don’t even need. Just for pleasure. Also that habit is making them alone. Individuals are being materialist. They’re adoring to the money. Emotions are losing worth in their life. Researches show that divorcing rates are increased because of consuming habits. Because people don’t care each others feelings. Their priorities changed. One may break anothers’ life because of a purchasable thing. “Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want.”(Lappe, O Magazine, 2003)Furthermore, people become more ambitious. They want to earn more money -in some aspects they want to earn more than their colleagues- to buy more things. Moreover, we can say that this situation causes a chain reaction. One person starts to challenge with others and rest of them will begin to compete with each other. To come to the last thing in this paragraph, having consuming habit is psychological. So it can be said consumerism is harmful for human psychology. It makes human more careless, ambitious and unhappy. People which can not be able to buy the things that they want are being unhappy because of the feeling of weakness. World seems merciless to them sometimes and it’s causing lack of morale in person.
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Edited by lucile83 on 11-12-2014 18:32
Re: Advice/ essay from favelani, posted on 11-12-2014 at 20:06:20 (D | E)
up
Re: Advice/ essay from clint01, posted on 13-12-2014 at 09:09:08 (D | E)
Hello,
To begin with, I think you should correct the following sentences and phrases:
is not always occurs
the world effects people
is a problem which we call as "consumerism" and it is being increasingly worse after all time that passed.
Re: Advice/ essay from here4u, posted on 13-12-2014 at 11:50:17 (D | E)
Hello !
Your essay is extremely long, and there are quite a few mistakes, most of which, you should be able to correct alone ...
Anyway ... I start and we'll see ...
The world is changing day by day (gradually) (yes!), also individuals and their habits are changing too but this changing is not always occurs (as Clint said, see the construction!
) in a good way. Human activities on the world effects people(doesn't make sense as it is ...) and earth in many aspects. The aim of this essay will be consumerism(?? very clumsy ... => to study 'consumerism' ?define it first.) and will focus on its negative effects of it. (Is the coming sentence a new one ? => capital letter .. is it a question => ?) is a problem which we call as "consumerism" and it is being increasingly worse after all time that passed. Consumerism have existed since the first civilizations and it is getting higher and higher every day. Consumerism has negative impacts on the whole earth and peoples' life such as unsustainability issues, having consumerism as a habit, and increasing capitalism.(be clearer ... very clumsy)Sorry ... I can't go on ...You should work a lot on this passage first ...define your concepts, make shorter sentences and watch your grammar.
Try to re-read and correct it carefully ... Like Clint, I'll have a look later ...
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INDISPENSABLES : 