Entretien /aide

Entretien /aide
Message de mbalalegaulois posté le 04-02-2015 à 19:51:21 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Quelqu'un pourrait-il m'aider / me corriger. J'ai perdu en grosse partie mon anglais et je suis certaine qu'il y a d'énormes erreurs dans ma rédaction (pour m'entrainer si entretien il y a).

Voici le début :
After obtaining my marketing A-levels, I had chosen to do a licence in foreign languages (LEA) because I'm really interested in languages. My financial situation pushed me to stop my studies and looking for a job.
My first job experience was in a factory, working as a conditioning agent. This experience taught me to work in team and to have always a positive attitude necessary to make a repetive work more pleasant.
My second job experience was as a sales agent in Spain (Costa Brava), selling fan and breathalyser on the beach, it was my first commercial experience.
My most significant experience was in Tunisia, working as a sales agent for an estate agency during 2 years. This experience allows me to pratice foreign languages (english, spanish and arabic) with the clients coming from all over the world. This occupation taught me too, to show initiative and solve problems by myself.


C'est déjà un début et il me reste à anticiper les questions, me vendre, pourquoi ce poste ?! ... (Je m'entraine car je voudrais postuler en tant que steward embarqué chez xxx). Je ne me sens pas très à l'aise en anglais et désarçonnée par un manque de pratique et donc manque de confiance en mon anglais (qui n'est pas au top), mais je suis certaine qu'une fois en poste ça ira comme sur des roulettes
Merci d'avance pour votre aide

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Modifié par lucile83 le 04-02-2015 22:05

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Réponse: Entretien /aide de bluduck2, postée le 05-02-2015 à 09:59:31 (S | E)
Hello mbalalegaulois !

Here are a few suggestions:
--to study for a B.A. /to read modern languages(ligne 1 ,ligne 2)
--permettre (=rendre capable)=to enable (ligne 6)
Ligne 2 :Faites une phrase simple :I had to stop studying because ...
Ligne 3 :Article oublié devant "team"
Ligne 5 :"s" de pluriel après"fan" et "breathalyser"

I hope this helps !
Bluduck2

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Réponse: Entretien /aide de here4u, postée le 05-02-2015 à 22:48:27 (S | E)
Hello !
A few more ...

After obtaining my marketing A-levels, I had chosen to do a licence in foreign languages (LEA)(it would be a good idea to say what languages you're studying!OK! You did it later !) because I'm really interested in languages. My financial situation pushed me to stop my studies and looking for a job.
My first job experience was in a factory, working as a conditioning agent. This experience taught me to work in X team and to have always a positive attitude necessary to make a repetive work more pleasant.
My second job experience was as a sales agent in Spain (Costa Brava), selling fan and breathalyser on the beach, it was my first commercial experience.
My most significant experience was in Tunisia, working as a sales agent for an estate agency during 2 years. This experience allows(voc + tense) me to pratice foreign languages (english, spanish and arabic) with the clients coming from all over the worldboff .. This occupation taught me (too, = ill-placed.) to show initiative and solve problems by myself.

In my opinion, you should try to find synonyms for 'experience'. (It's repeated 6 times and that's really too much ...)
Lien internet

Good luck !

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