Mailing /stage

Mailing /stage
Message de vedi posté le 08-08-2015 à 16:44:33 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.
Afin de préparer un stage à l'étranger j'ai réalisé un mailing, je pense que j'ai fait un nombre important de fautes ou des formules mal dites.
Pourriez-vous me donner votre avis s'il vous plait ?
Certaines formules ne doivent sûrement pas être adaptées...
Merci d'avance !

Dear Madam, Dear Sir,
Under our Erasmus+ post baccalaureate training program: Illustration and Communication, we are looking for a period of six months (November/April) a swedish company to pursue our professional experience.
We actively seek two positions which will allow us to practice and to improve our competences (Adobe suite graphics software) and particularly, we would like to participate on graphics projects in their entirety (web and print design, editorial design, illustration, animation etc…). As such you will find enclosed few examples of our work.
Given our respective competences, we think work as a pair which could be interest your company.
Indeed, my friend Ines has more knowledge in paper illustration (rough, digital painting and chinese ink), as for me, the field of video, digital collage and motion design interest me most.
We sincerely hope that these professional motivation will make you want to contact us, as part of mutual collaboration.
We remain at your disposal for every further information you should need or any particular request about us.
Thank you for your kind attention to this letter.
Please accept, Sir/Madam the assurances of our highest consideration.
Yours faithfully.


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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-08-2015 19:59

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Réponse: Mailing /stage de bluestar, postée le 09-08-2015 à 11:25:44 (S | E)
Bonjour..

Dear Madam, Dear Sir, (Dear Sir suffit)
Under our Erasmus+ post baccalaureate training program: Illustration and Communication, we are looking for a period of six months internship (November/April) in a Sswedish company to pursue our professional experience.
We actively seek two positions which will allow us to practice and to improve our competences (Adobe suite graphics software) and particularly, we would like to participate on in graphics projects in their entirety (web and print design, editorial design, illustration, animation etc…). As such Yyou will find enclosed few examples of our work.
Given our respective competences ('skills' serait mieux), we think we work as a pair which could be interest (reformuler) your company.
Indeed, my friend Ines has more knowledge in paper illustration (rough, digital painting and chinese ink), as for me, while the fields of video, digital collage and motion design interest me most.
We sincerely hope that these (singulier) professional motivation will make you want to contact us, as part of a mutual collaboration.
We remain at your disposal for every further information you should may need or any particular request about us.
Thank you for your kind attention to this letter.
Please accept, Sir/Madam the assurances of our highest consideration. (cela signifie rien!)
Yours faithfully

Une demande conjointe pour un stage me semble étrange, mais peut-être qu'il est tout à fait normal..

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Réponse: Mailing /stage de vedi, postée le 09-08-2015 à 15:08:49 (S | E)
Merci pour la réponse.
Je vais retravailler le tout en fonction de tes remarques !

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Réponse: Mailing /stage de sherry48, postée le 10-08-2015 à 14:49:54 (S | E)
Hello.
Bluestar has given many good suggestions/corrections and I am making just a few additions.

Dear Sir,
Under our Erasmus+ post baccalaureate training program: Illustration and Communication, we(you could tell who the we is here, friends? classmates?) are looking for a period of six months internship (November/April) in a Swedish company to pursue our professional experience. (You are looking for an internship, or to pursue your professional experience...you are not looking for a period of six months, so consider reorganizing this sentence)
We actively seek (be+verb+ing?) two positions which will allow us to practice and (to) improve our competences (Adobe suite graphics software) and particularly, we would like to participate in graphics projects in their entirety (web and print design, editorial design, illustration, animation etc…). (As such) You will find enclosed _____ (word omitted) few examples of our work.
Given our respective skills, we think we work____ as a pair which could be interest (reformuler) your company.
Indeed, my friend Ines has more knowledge in/of paper illustration (rough, digital painting and chinese ink), as for me, while (just while) the fields of video, digital collage and motion design interest me most.
We sincerely hope that these (singulier ou adjectif possessif) professional motivation will make you want to contact us as part of a mutual collaboration. (you can improve this)
We remain at your disposal for every further information you may need or any particular request about us.
Thank you for your kind attention to this letter.
Please accept, Sir/Madam the assurances of our highest consideration. (cela signifie rien!) !

Sherry

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