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Message de rayane99 posté le 11-10-2015 à 22:24:49 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait?
j'ai un travail à rendre sur la colocation donc je dois faire une lettre de motivation ;je vous laisse lire le résultat.
from: xxx in france
to: university of London
Date:December 5,2015
objet:my flatsharing
Dir sir or madam,
my name is xxx I am a boy of 19 years old, I finished school last year and I begin my studies this year in criminology. I am very cool, very nice with the people. I'm not someone demanding, I'm just a simple man, open minded, organized...
I want to share this apartment because I did not have the means to the pay me alone without financial support. Moreover, I must pay my studies I don't have choice. I prefer to share an apartment rather than becoming homeless. So, that's why I want a roommate during my studies.
I like nice people who are involved in daily tasks without taking the head.Then, I like the confidence of people who you can leave your wallet without problem.After, I like a nice people with whom I can have fun all time in a parties with alcohol and it's important fridge is full of food or biere.
nevertheless, I don't like the people who smoking in my apartment or that does not pay the rent.
faithfully,
Merci de votre lecture.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 11-10-2015 23:55
Il est inutile de poster plusieurs fois, merci !
Message de rayane99 posté le 11-10-2015 à 22:24:49 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait?
j'ai un travail à rendre sur la colocation donc je dois faire une lettre de motivation ;je vous laisse lire le résultat.
from: xxx in france
to: university of London
Date:December 5,2015
objet:my flatsharing
Dir sir or madam,
my name is xxx I am a boy of 19 years old, I finished school last year and I begin my studies this year in criminology. I am very cool, very nice with the people. I'm not someone demanding, I'm just a simple man, open minded, organized...
I want to share this apartment because I did not have the means to the pay me alone without financial support. Moreover, I must pay my studies I don't have choice. I prefer to share an apartment rather than becoming homeless. So, that's why I want a roommate during my studies.
I like nice people who are involved in daily tasks without taking the head.Then, I like the confidence of people who you can leave your wallet without problem.After, I like a nice people with whom I can have fun all time in a parties with alcohol and it's important fridge is full of food or biere.
nevertheless, I don't like the people who smoking in my apartment or that does not pay the rent.
faithfully,
Merci de votre lecture.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 11-10-2015 23:55
Il est inutile de poster plusieurs fois, merci !
Réponse: Correction/ lettre de gerondif, postée le 11-10-2015 à 23:37:18 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Ce texte n'est qu'une fiction mais jamais je ne vous prendrais comme colocataire! Mais je suppose que le côté egocentrique du personnage fait partie du jeu!Erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
from: xxx in france
to: university of London
Date:December 5,2015
objet:my flatsharing
Dir sir or madam,
my name is xxx I am a boy of 19 years old (faire un adjectif composé), I finished school last year and I begin(présent en ing) my studies this year in criminology. I am very cool, very nice with the people. I'm not someone demanding, I'm just a simple man, open minded, organized...
I want to share this apartment because I did(présent simple) not have the means to the pay me(à reformuler) alone without financial support. Moreover, I must pay for my studies I don't have (manque un article défini) choice. I prefer to share an apartment rather than becoming homeless. So, that's why I want a roommate during my studies.
I like nice people who are involved in daily tasks without taking the head(ne se dit pas).Then, I like the confidence of people who you can leave your wallet without problem(construction à revoir, avec "to have confidence in people").After(pas de after tout seul en début de phrase), I like a nice people with whom I can have fun all the time in a parties with alcohol and it's important the fridge is(temps à changer) full of food or biere(payée par le colocataire, tant qu'à faire?
).nevertheless, I don't like the people who smoking in my(ah, maintenant, il est à vous, l'appartement, vous étiez simple colocataire il y a onze lignes) apartment or that does not pay the rent.
Yours faithfully,
Réponse: Correction/ lettre de rayane99, postée le 12-10-2015 à 07:30:44 (S | E)
Bonjour merci pour ta réponse, mais tu es sûr qu'il n'y pas de fautes dans la formulation des phrases? parce que je dois le présenter devant toute la classe.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 12-10-2015 07:43
Réponse: Correction/ lettre de lucile83, postée le 12-10-2015 à 07:46:04 (S | E)
Hello,
On signale les fautes, ensuite c'est à vous de les corriger
nous ne faisons pas le travail à votre place.Réponse: Correction/ lettre de rayane99, postée le 12-10-2015 à 08:14:06 (S | E)
Je sais, j'ai fait le travail moi-même, je pose juste une question
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