Correction/classmates

Correction/classmates
Message de netm posté le 25-10-2015 à 14:42:40 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous et à toutes,
j'aimerais faire corriger une autre rédaction s'il vous plaît
Le sujet : Have You ever hated one of your classmates? Why?

I will talk about a person who I hated at the beginning of the school year. Over time I appreciated him. That person is Mehdi.
I always thought that he was just a geek who study continuously. This is not true, he is nice and the best is that the two of us love mangas.
I hated him also because some tell me a lot of things about Mehdi who are wrong.
They told me that he is bad with everyone and he insults everybody. I think that when someone see Mehdi, that person don't want to be his friend or also don't want to talk to him because he looks strange but he is not. He is normal, it's just that he does'nt want to fit in.
The worst was when my English teacher seated me next to him, I did'nt like him yet.
In this moment, I was angry because my Mathematics teacher did the same so I had to bear him nine hours per week.
He bothered me everyday, he told not funny jokes and that made me angry.
He always said that I'm a model and he laughed at me.
He thinks that he is the smarter but it's me.
Merci pour vos réponses.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-10-2015 14:46
classmates

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Réponse: Correction/classmates de laure95, postée le 25-10-2015 à 15:04:35 (S | E)
Bonjour,
- a person who: enlever WHO (pas nécessaire) ou le remplacer par WHOM.
-I always thought: mettre au présent perfect.
- who study continuously: garder le même temps.
- the best: mal dit.
- some tell me: il manque un mot après SOME + pas le bon temps.
- he is bad: temps.
- he insults everybody
- someone see Mehdi: conjugaison.
- that person don't want: conjugaison.
- don't want
- The worst: the worst WHAT?
- I did'nt like him yet: DIDN'T + CHANGER LA PLACE DE YET.
-In this moment: pas la bonne préposition + THIS ne peut être utiliser qu'au présent.
- he told not funny jokes:tu confonds NOT et NO.
- I'm a model: temps.
-the smarter: THE + SUPERLATIF (smarter est au comparatif=

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Réponse: Correction/classmates de netm, postée le 25-10-2015 à 16:16:02 (S | E)
I will talk about a person I hated at the beginning of the school year. Over time I appreciated him. That person is Mehdi.
I always have thought that he was juste à geek who study continuously. This is not true, he is nice and the best thing is that the two of us love mangas.
I hated him also because some persons told me a lot of things about Mehdi who are wrong. They told me that he was bad with everyone and he insults everybody.
I thought that when someone sees Mehdi, that person would like not to be jus friend or also would like not to talk to him because he looks strange but he is not. He is normal, it' sur just that he does'nt want to fit in.
The worst thing was when my English teacher seated me next to him, I did'nt like yet him.
In that moment, I was angry because Mathematics teacher did the same so I had to bear him nine hours per week. He bothered me, he told no funny jokes and that made me nervous. He always said that I was a model and he laughed at me. He thinks that he is the smartest but it's me.
Fortunately, this nightmare is done.


Merci

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Réponse: Correction/classmates de netm, postée le 25-10-2015 à 19:24:40 (S | E)
Mon texte est bon ?

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Réponse: Correction/classmates de laure95, postée le 25-10-2015 à 19:24:49 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
- I always have thought: mettre ALWAYS entre HAVE et THOUGHT.
- juste: orthographe.
- à geek who study continuously: conjugaison (3è personne)
- the best thing is that: à enlever.
- some persons: à remplacer par PEOPLE.
- he insults everybody: temps.
- when someone sees Mehdi: temps.
- that person would like not to be jus friend or also would like not to talk to him: NOT n'est pas à la bonne place + il manque un possessif avant FRIEND.
- it' sur just: ?
- does'nt: orthographe.
-The worst thing: remplacer THING par MOMENT.
- I did'nt like yet him: ?
-In that moment: pas la bonne préposition.
- Mathematics teacher: mettre un possessif avant MATHS.
- Fortunately, this nightmare is done: remplacer DONE par FINISHED.

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Réponse: Correction/classmates de gerondif, postée le 25-10-2015 à 21:28:42 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Laure 95 vous a montré bon nombre d'erreurs. Je reprends votre texte parce que c'est plus facile pour moi de voir les erreurs dans le texte.

I will (un conditionnel serait mieux) talk about a person I hated (une structure en used to irait bien ici) at the beginning of the school year. Over time(en continuant la phrase avec but et en changeant , ça irait bien) I appreciated him. That person is Mehdi.(On dirait plutôt: his name is ...He is called....)
I always have(inversez) thought that he was juste à geek who study continuously(on pourrait utiliser keep au prétérit + ing pour dire qu'il n'arrêtait pas de "bosser"). This is not true, he is nice and the best thing is that (remplacez par "de plus" "pour couronner le tout")the two of us (vous connaissez "we both love mangas" ?)love mangas.

I hated him also because some persons(reamplacez some par "quelques" et en effet le pluriel de person est people) told me a lot of things about Mehdi who(ce sont les choses qui sont fauses , pas Mehdi) are wrong. They told me that he was bad with everyone and he insults(prétérit) everybody.

I thought that when someone sees Mehdi, that person would like not to be jus friend(trop lourd et maladroit, il faudrait commmencer soit par "anyone",= quiconque le voit refuserait d'être son ami, ou par nobody = peronne ne voudait être son ami quand on le voit) or also would like not to talk to him because he looks strange but he is not. He is normal, it' sur just that he does'nt want to fit in.

The worst thing(cf Laure95) was when my English teacher seated me next to him, I did'nt like yet him.(not yet ne convient pas ici)
In that moment, I was angry because the Mathematics teacher did the same so I had to bear him nine hours per week. He bothered me, he told no funny jokes and that made me nervous. He always said that I was a model and he laughed at me. He thinks that he is the smartest but it's me.(ne se dit pas, il faut faire comme pour le tag " moi si" et dire "I am actually!"
Fortunately, this nightmare is doneover.

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