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Message de elwyn posté le 09-12-2015 à 19:32:51 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai écrit une de mes notions pour l'oral de Bac d'anglais : Espaces et échanges. Pouvez-vous corriger mes erreurssvp s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance!
I would like to talk about the notion “Spaces and exchanges”. In this world, this notion is very important. We can easily travel all around the world and the Internet is useful for exchanges. Immigration is a part of this notion. It is the process of entering another country in order to live there for different reasons namely social, political, economic or environmental ones.Today, I will talk about the question “How is developed immigration in America?”
From the XVII century, many Europeans from countries such as Ireland, Spain, France,… came to America because of starvation, poverty and religions persecutions. We studied a Pop-rock song by Bruce Springsteen, an American from Irish descents, about immigration called “American Land”. He introduces America as a land of Paradise where the side walk is paved with diamonds, where gold is everywhere and so on… Then, he talks about reality. People hoped to find a better life and to go from rags to riches with, for instance, the Gold rush but they just found blood, fire and other dreadful things. We also read an extract from a diary about a young man who left Ireland to go to America. First, he thought that America was a dreamland but when he arrived, he discovered that most of Immigrants had a low standard of living and low paid jobs. In both cases, America was firstly seen as a land of opportunities but indeed it was very difficult to have a good life. There was discrimination too. Some people such as slaves, servants, Black and Asian people were excluded when they arrived in the infamous Ellis Island, the immigration center of Manhatan. Other were turned away because they had diseases. In 1921 and 1924, the USA wrote two acts thus etablished an emmigration quota. They were abolished about 40 years later by President Lyndon Johnson.
Today, the problem of immigration is different. We heard a speech by Barack Obama who said that, thanks to diversity, the USA is richer. This extract considers the USA as a nation of immigrants and the president insists on the fact that the situation is better on the Americano-Mexican border than two years ago thanks to more controls in order to have less problems with immigration, weapons, drugs and money. The legal immigrants can be better integrate and maybe have a more easily work one's way up the ladder than before. Sometimes, they can have a relief for improve their standart of living or just help them in their life. Nonetheless, laws about illegal immigrants are very strict in all America.
To conclude, I think that the notion “Spaces and exchanges” is very interesting. It is not only immigration but more generally, it refers to the movment of people or goods between countries and can be present in the form of trade or tourism. It is a beautiful adventure when you travel. The more you travel, the more it enriches your life. It contributes to the understanding between nations.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-12-2015 21:55
Message de elwyn posté le 09-12-2015 à 19:32:51 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai écrit une de mes notions pour l'oral de Bac d'anglais : Espaces et échanges. Pouvez-vous corriger mes erreurs
Merci d'avance!
I would like to talk about the notion “Spaces and exchanges”. In this world, this notion is very important. We can easily travel all around the world and the Internet is useful for exchanges. Immigration is a part of this notion. It is the process of entering another country in order to live there for different reasons namely social, political, economic or environmental ones.Today, I will talk about the question “How is developed immigration in America?”
From the XVII century, many Europeans from countries such as Ireland, Spain, France,… came to America because of starvation, poverty and religions persecutions. We studied a Pop-rock song by Bruce Springsteen, an American from Irish descents, about immigration called “American Land”. He introduces America as a land of Paradise where the side walk is paved with diamonds, where gold is everywhere and so on… Then, he talks about reality. People hoped to find a better life and to go from rags to riches with, for instance, the Gold rush but they just found blood, fire and other dreadful things. We also read an extract from a diary about a young man who left Ireland to go to America. First, he thought that America was a dreamland but when he arrived, he discovered that most of Immigrants had a low standard of living and low paid jobs. In both cases, America was firstly seen as a land of opportunities but indeed it was very difficult to have a good life. There was discrimination too. Some people such as slaves, servants, Black and Asian people were excluded when they arrived in the infamous Ellis Island, the immigration center of Manhatan. Other were turned away because they had diseases. In 1921 and 1924, the USA wrote two acts thus etablished an emmigration quota. They were abolished about 40 years later by President Lyndon Johnson.
Today, the problem of immigration is different. We heard a speech by Barack Obama who said that, thanks to diversity, the USA is richer. This extract considers the USA as a nation of immigrants and the president insists on the fact that the situation is better on the Americano-Mexican border than two years ago thanks to more controls in order to have less problems with immigration, weapons, drugs and money. The legal immigrants can be better integrate and maybe have a more easily work one's way up the ladder than before. Sometimes, they can have a relief for improve their standart of living or just help them in their life. Nonetheless, laws about illegal immigrants are very strict in all America.
To conclude, I think that the notion “Spaces and exchanges” is very interesting. It is not only immigration but more generally, it refers to the movment of people or goods between countries and can be present in the form of trade or tourism. It is a beautiful adventure when you travel. The more you travel, the more it enriches your life. It contributes to the understanding between nations.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-12-2015 21:55
Réponse: Bac/espaces et échanges de janorton, postée le 10-12-2015 à 06:38:07 (S | E)
Bonjour,
vos erreurs sont en bleu, j'espere que vous pouvez comprendre mes remarques en français.
I would like to talk about the notion(notion of' mais je pense que 'idea of' est probablement mieux ici) “Spaces and exchanges”. In this world, this notion is very important(eviter l'utilisation de 'this' en exprimant deux choses differentes). We can easily travel all around the world and the Internet is useful for exchanges. Immigration is a part of this notion. It is the process of entering another country in order to live there for different reasons namely social, political, economic or environmental ones.Today, I will talk about the question “How is developed immigration(l'ordre et la tense de ces mots sont maladroits) in America?”
From the XVII century, many Europeans from countries such as Ireland, Spain, France,… came to America because of starvation, poverty and religions persecutions. We studied a Pop-rock song by Bruce Springsteen, an American from('of') Irish descents(singular), about immigration called “American Land”. He introduces America as a land of Paradise(aucune majuscule) where the side walk is paved with diamonds, where gold is everywhere and so on… Then, he talks about reality. People hoped to find a better life and to go from rags to riches with, for instance, the Gold rush(aucune majuscule) but they just found blood, fire and other dreadful things. We also read an extract from a diary about a young man who left Ireland to go to America. First('At first' est mieux ici'), he thought that America was a dreamland
(virgule) but when he arrived, he discovered that most of (L’article défini) Immigrants(pas de majuscule) had a low standard of living and low paid(forme gérondif) jobs. In both cases, America was firstly seen as a land of opportunities but indeed it was very difficult to have a good life. There was discrimination too. Some people such as slaves, servants, Black and Asian people were excluded when they arrived in('at') the infamous Ellis Island, the immigration center of Manhatan(mal orthographié). Other were turned away because they had diseases. In 1921 and 1924, the USA wrote two acts thus etablished(mal orthographié et forme gérondif) an emmigration(mal orthographié, 2 m pour 'immigration' mais seulement 1 pour 'emigration') quota. They were abolished about 40 years later by President Lyndon Johnson.Today, the problem of immigration is different. We heard a speech by Barack Obama who said that, thanks to diversity, the USA is richer. This extract considers the USA as a nation of immigrants and the president insists on the fact that the situation is better on the Americano-Mexican('US-Mexico', Mexico-'US', 'Mexico-United States') border than two years ago thanks to more controls in order to have less('which have reduced the'?, Je ne suis pas entièrement sûr de ce que vous essayiez de dire ici) problems with immigration, weapons, drugs and money. The legal immigrants can('could' est mieux ici) be better integrate(passé) and maybe have a more easily work(réessayer, l'ordre des mots est maladroit) one's('once') way up the ladder than before. Sometimes, they can have('are given'?) a relief for('to') improve their standart(mal orthographié) of living or
(préposition manquant) just help them in their life. Nonetheless, laws about illegal immigrants are very strict in all (préposition manquant) America. To conclude, I think that the notion “Spaces and exchanges” is very interesting. It is not only immigration but more generally, it refers to the movment(mal orthographié) of people or goods between countries and can be present in the form of trade or tourism. It is a beautiful adventure when you travel. The more you travel, the more it enriches your life. It contributes to the understanding between nations.
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