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Message de digorie posté le 21-12-2015 à 17:09:28 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.
Je vous souhaite avant tout de très belles fêtes de fin d'année.
Je réalise pour le BAC une fiche sur la notion du Pouvoir. Auriez-vous la gentillesse de la lire et de m'aider à trouver les différentes fautes pour que je me corrige ? Merci beaucoup à vous.
Digorie.
Today, I am going to talk about the notion Location and Form of Power. First of all, the power can be defined as a strength or for exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about the gun’s power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order, to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus on the gun’s laws in America according to the different states. Then we will analyse consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think twice. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to go to a dealer or a shop and in both places it take about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s license. Contrary to New York or California states which are very restricted areas. They finger print you and you need to practice. The laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons on the east of the country. Most of the people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King apposes this point of view, these “toys” as he said are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
Secondly, the next document I have chosen is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two teenagers helpless for not being accepted wanted to get their revenge on the popular kids. Their goal was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait to the survivor to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot at random in cold blood the students and teachers. About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for all their lives. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This must stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
The latest document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice. Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their life safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have been already used in tragedy. The buyers were appalled and blindsided of discovering what they can read on the labels: sometimes children killed themselves, sometimes they killed their parents… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally the customers decided to change their mind and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient at all. The video with the music sensitize me. We can’t be insensitive to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them.
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US need to give up the weapons in all the country. It will be difficult, because although there are campaign, a lot of Americans think the guns can protect them, but the violence is not the solution. It would be prudent also to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons to change the world in a positive way.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-12-2015 21:52
Message de digorie posté le 21-12-2015 à 17:09:28 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.
Je vous souhaite avant tout de très belles fêtes de fin d'année.
Je réalise pour le BAC une fiche sur la notion du Pouvoir. Auriez-vous la gentillesse de la lire et de m'aider à trouver les différentes fautes pour que je me corrige ? Merci beaucoup à vous.
Digorie.
Today, I am going to talk about the notion Location and Form of Power. First of all, the power can be defined as a strength or for exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about the gun’s power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order, to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus on the gun’s laws in America according to the different states. Then we will analyse consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think twice. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to go to a dealer or a shop and in both places it take about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s license. Contrary to New York or California states which are very restricted areas. They finger print you and you need to practice. The laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons on the east of the country. Most of the people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King apposes this point of view, these “toys” as he said are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
Secondly, the next document I have chosen is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two teenagers helpless for not being accepted wanted to get their revenge on the popular kids. Their goal was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait to the survivor to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot at random in cold blood the students and teachers. About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for all their lives. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This must stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
The latest document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice. Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their life safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have been already used in tragedy. The buyers were appalled and blindsided of discovering what they can read on the labels: sometimes children killed themselves, sometimes they killed their parents… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally the customers decided to change their mind and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient at all. The video with the music sensitize me. We can’t be insensitive to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them.
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US need to give up the weapons in all the country. It will be difficult, because although there are campaign, a lot of Americans think the guns can protect them, but the violence is not the solution. It would be prudent also to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons to change the world in a positive way.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-12-2015 21:52
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de laure95, postée le 22-12-2015 à 18:17:32 (S | E)
bonjour,
Je vous souhaite également de bonnes fêtes de fin d'année.
- for exerted or capable of being exerted: mal dit.
- the gun's power, the gun's laws: pas besoin de "s".
-think twice: traduction mot à mot.
- a child’s play: PLAY n'est pas le bon mot.
- to go to a dealer: mal dit.
- it take: conjugaison.
- license: orthographe.
- They finger print you: ?
- who tells her pupils what happened: il manque ABOUT avant WHAT.
- Two teenagers helpless: ordre des mots.
- This must stop: conjugaison.
- their life: mettre au pluriel.
- they can read on the labels: temps.
- The video with the music sensitize me: orthographe.
- there are campaign: THERE ARE + PLURIEL.
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de digorie, postée le 22-12-2015 à 18:34:07 (S | E)
Bonsoir, merci beaucoup de votre aide !
Voici la nouvelle version. Digorie.
PS: voici les remarques que je n'ai pas changés, en effet, les formules qui suivent sont employées par ma professeur d'anglais dans une fiche qu'elle nous a donné, donc je me permet de ne pas y toucher. Mais merci beaucoup à vous !
- for exerted or capable of being exerted: mal dit.
- think twice: traduction mot à mot.
- a child’s play: PLAY n'est pas le bon mot.
- They finger print you: ?
Bonnes fêtes !
Today, I am going to talk about the notion Location and Form of Power. First of all, the power can be defined as a strength or for exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about the gun power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order, to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus on the gun laws in America according to the different states. Then we will analyse consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think twice. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to meet a dealer or a shop and in both places it takes about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s licence. Contrary to New York or California states which are very restricted areas. They finger print you and you need to practice. The laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons on the east of the country. Most of the people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King apposes this point of view, these “toys” as he said are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
Secondly, the next document I have chosen is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils about what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two helpless teenagers for not being accepted wanted to get their revenge on the popular kids. Their goal was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait to the survivor to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot at random in cold blood the students and teachers. About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for all their lives. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This has to stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
The latest document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice. Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have been already used in tragedy. The buyers were appalled and blindsided of discovering what they could read on the labels: sometimes children killed themselves, sometimes they killed their parents… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally the customers decided to change their mind and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient at all. The video with the music sensitizes me. We can’t be insensitive to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them.
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US need to give up the weapons in all the country. It will be difficult, because although there are campaigns, a lot of Americans think the guns can protect them, but the violence is not the solution. It would be prudent also to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons to change the world in a positive way.
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de digorie, postée le 24-12-2015 à 13:06:22 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Joyeux Noël à tous !
Je reviens vers vous pour la correction de mon oral de BAC. Pouvez-vous me dire si vous voyez encore quelques fautes ? Merci beaucoup !
Today, I am going to talk about the notion Location and Form of Power. First of all, the power can be defined as a strength or for exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about the gun power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order, to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus on the gun laws in America according to the different states. Then we will analyse consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think twice. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to meet a dealer or a shop and in both places it takes about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s licence. Contrary to New York or California states which are very restricted areas. They finger print you and you need to practice. The laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons on the east of the country. Most of the people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King apposes this point of view, these “toys” as he said are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
Secondly, the next document I have chosen is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils about what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two helpless teenagers for not being accepted wanted to get their revenge on the popular kids. Their goal was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait to the survivor to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot at random in cold blood the students and teachers. About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for all their lives. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This has to stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
The latest document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice. Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have been already used in tragedy. The buyers were appalled and blindsided of discovering what they could read on the labels: sometimes children killed themselves, sometimes they killed their parents… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally the customers decided to change their mind and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient at all. The video with the music sensitizes me. We can’t be insensitive to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them.
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US need to give up the weapons in all the country. It will be difficult, because although there are campaigns, a lot of Americans think the guns can protect them, but the violence is not the solution. It would be prudent also to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons to change the world in a positive way.
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de laure95, postée le 24-12-2015 à 17:16:57 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Merci, bonnes fêtes à toi aussi.
- In order, to: pas de virgule.
- Then we will analyse conséquences: mettre un article devant "consequences".
- or a shop: utiliser le verbe TO GO devant " a shop".
- on the east: pas la bonne préposition.
-Two helpless teenagers for not being accepted wanted to get their revenge on the popular kids: déplacer "for not being accepted".
- wait to the survivor: pas la bonne préposition + mettre "survivor" au pluriel.
- The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice: répétition.
- sometimes children killed themselves, sometimes they killed their parents: mettre les verbes au présent.
- the most efficient at all: pas la bonne préposition.
- but the violence: enlever "THE".
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de digorie, postée le 25-12-2015 à 17:59:02 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Joyeux Noël ! Et merci à vous Laure95.
Voici le texte modifié. Voyez vous encore des erreurs ? Cordialement. Digorie.
Today, I am going to talk about the notion Location and Form of Power. First of all, the power can be defined as a strength or for exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about the gun power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus on the gun laws in America according to the different states. Then we will analyse the consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally, we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think differently about the guns. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to meet a dealer or go to a shop and in both places it takes about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s licence. Contrary to New York or California states which are very restricted areas. They finger print you and you need to practice. The laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons at the east of the country. Most of the people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King apposes this point of view, these “toys” as he said are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
Secondly, the next document I have chosen is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils about what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two helpless teenagers wanted to get their revenge for not being accepted on the popular kids. Their goal was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait for the survivors to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot at random in cold blood the students and teachers. About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for all their lives. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This has to stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
The latest document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice. Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have been already used in tragedy. The buyers were appalled and blindsided of discovering what they could read on the labels: sometimes children kill themselves, sometimes they kill their parents… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally the customers decided to change their mind and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient of all. The video with the music sensitizes me. We can’t be insensitive to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them.
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US need to give up the weapons in all the country. It will be difficult, because although there are campaigns, a lot of Americans think the guns can protect them, but violence is not the solution. It would be prudent also to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons to change the world in a positive way.
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de here4u, postée le 25-12-2015 à 22:35:48 (S | E)
hello !
Today, I am going to talk about the notion of "Location and Form of Power". First of all, the power can be defined as a strength or for exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about the gun’s power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order, to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus on the gun’s laws in America according to the different states. Then we will analyse XXX consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think twice. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to go to a dealer or a shop and in both places it take about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s license. Contrary to New York or California states which are very restricted areas. They finger print you and you need to practice. The laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons on the east of the country. Most of the people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King apposes this point of view, these “toys” as he said are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
Secondly, the next document I have chosen is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two teenagers helpless for not being accepted wanted to get their revenge on the popular kids. Their goal was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait to the survivor to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot at random in cold blood the students and teachers. (word order) About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for all their lives. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This must stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
The latest document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice. Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their life safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have been already used in tragedy. The buyers were appalled and blindsided of discovering what they can read on the labels: sometimes children killed themselves, sometimes they killed their parents… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally the customers decided to change their mind and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient at all. The video with the music sensitize me. We can’t be insensitive to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them. ???
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US need to give up the weapons in all the country. It will be difficult, because although there are campaign, a lot of Americans think the guns can protect them, but the violence is not the solution. It would be prudent also to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons to change the world in a positive way.
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de digorie, postée le 27-12-2015 à 10:30:08 (S | E)
Bonjour,
merci beaucoup à vous Here4u.
Voici la nouvelle Version. Voyez vous encore des erreurs ? Merci d'avance ! Digorie.
Today, I am going to talk about the notion Location and Form of Power. First of all, the power can be defined as a strength or for exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about the gun power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus on the gun laws in America according to the different states. Then we will analyse the consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally, we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think differently about the guns. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to meet a dealer or go to a shop and in both places it takes about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s licence. Contrary to New York or California states which are very restricted areas. They finger print you and you need to practise. The laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons at the east of the country. Most of the people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King opposes this point of view, these “toys” as he said are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
Secondly, the next document I have chosen is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils about what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two helpless teenagers wanted to get their revenge for not being accepted on the popular kids. Their goal was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait for the survivors to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot at random the students and teachers in cold blood. About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for all their lives. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This has to stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
The latest document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice. Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have been already used in tragedy. The buyers were appalled and blindsided at discovering what they could read on the labels: sometimes children kill themselves, sometimes they kill their parents… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally the customers decided to change their minds and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient of all. The video with the music sensitizes me. We can’t be insensitive to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them.
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US needs to give up weapons in all the country. It will be difficult, because although there are campaigns, lot of Americans think guns can protect them, but violence is not the solution. It would be prudent also to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons to change the world in a positive way.
-------------------
Modifié par digorie le 27-12-2015 10:30
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de lemagemasque, postée le 27-12-2015 à 13:25:14 (S | E)
Hello digorie!
Juste une question, quelle est l'expression entière qui se cache derrière "for exerted or capable of being exerted" car en effet, mis comme ça, ça ne veut rien dire : "pour exercé(e) ou capable d'être exercé(e)"...
Bonne journée !
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de digorie, postée le 27-12-2015 à 17:05:57 (S | E)
Hello !
strength exerted or capable of being exerted : pouvoir est une force exercée ou en mesure d'être exercée !
Je modifie dans mon devoir pour le rendre plus clair ! merci !
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de laure95, postée le 27-12-2015 à 17:13:11 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
-or for exerted or capable of being exerted: moi aussi, je suis gênée par cette formulation.
- it takes about 30 minutes: ajouter "you" après "takes".
- at the east: pas la bonne préposition.
-on the popular kids: pas la bonne préposition.
-in tragedy: mettre un article.
- The video with the music sensitizes me: utiliser un autre verbe.
- lot of: LOTS OF ou A LOT OF.
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de lemagemasque, postée le 27-12-2015 à 18:45:37 (S | E)
Hello!
Lien internet
Power (2. a.) : Physical strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted: the power of the waves.
Il manque le -ce à "for", ce qui donne donc "force"
Voilà, il manquait une pièce à notre puzzle !
Je vous conseille ce test Lien internet
Il vous évitera de rajouter un the parasite.
D'autres erreurs (entre autres) :
Location and Form of Power
Most of the people
Secondly ??? Vous n'avez pas commencé avec "first" donc "secondly" paraît bizarre. Je voudrais continuer... Continuons... Je vais continuer avec...
to shoot at random the students and teachers in cold blood --> On ne sépare pas le complément du verbe en général.
are traumatized for all their lives --> à jamais
This has to stop --> must était bon
The latest document --> le plus récent ?
It will be difficult, because although --> pas besoin de virgule
It would be prudent also --> also n'est pas à la bonne place
You do not need a firearm’s licence. Contrary to New York or California states which are very restricted areas --> pas besoin de point mais manque une virgule après states
See you!
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de digorie, postée le 28-12-2015 à 12:33:30 (S | E)
Bonjour,
merci beaucoup à vous, j'ai pu comprendre et corriger mes fautes. J'ai également fais l'exercice sur les THE, 9/10 !
Voici le texte corrigé !
Today, I am going to talk about the notion Locations and Forms of Power. First of all, the power can be defined as a physical strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about the gun power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus on the gun laws in America according to the different states. Then we will analyse the consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally, we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think differently about the guns. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to meet a dealer or go to a shop and in both places it takes you about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s licence contrary to New York or California states, which are very restricted areas. They finger print you and you need to practise. The laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons in the east of the country. Most of people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King opposes this point of view, these “toys” as he said are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
I am going to continue with the next document I have chosen : it is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils about what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two helpless teenagers wanted to get their revenge for not being accepted from the popular kids. Their goal was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait for the survivors to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot at random in cold blood the students and teachers. About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for ever. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This must stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
The latest document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice. Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have been already used in a tragedy. The buyers were appalled and blindsided at discovering what they could read on the labels: sometimes children kill themselves, sometimes they kill their parents… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally the customers decided to change their minds and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient of all. The video with the music sensitizes me. We can’t be insensitive to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them.
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US needs to give up weapons in all the country. It will be difficult because although there are campaigns, a lot of Americans think guns can protect them, but violence is not the solution. It would be also prudent to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons to change the world in a positive way.
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de lemagemasque, postée le 29-12-2015 à 13:42:37 (S | E)
Hello!
Encore un petit effort !
Today, I am going to talk about the notion Locations and Forms of Power. First of all, the power can be defined as a physical strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about the gun power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we/I will focus on the gun laws in America according to the different states. Then we/I will analyse the consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally, we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think differently about the guns. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to meet a dealer or go to a shop and in both places it takes you about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s licence contrary to New York or California states, which are very restricted areas. They fingerprint you and you need to practise. The laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons in the east of the country. Most of people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King opposes this point of view, these “toys”, as he said, are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
I am going to continue with the next document I have chosen: it is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils about what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two helpless teenagers wanted to get their revenge for not being accepted from the popular
kids. Their goal (paraît bizarre) was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait for the survivors to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot at random in cold blood the students and teachers (pas la bonne place). About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for ever. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This must stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the death rate in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.The latest document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice. Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have (temps) been already used in a tragedy (tragedy paraît bizarre). The buyers were appalled and blindsided at discovering what they could read on the labels: sometimes children kill themselves, sometimes they kill their parents (citation ?)… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally the customers decided to change their minds and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient of all. The video with the music sensitizes me. We can’t be insensitive (prendre un synonyme car il y a déjà "sensitize" avant : on ne peut pas ne pas réagir) to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them.
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US needs to give up weapons in all the country. It will be difficult because although there are campaigns, a lot of Americans think guns can protect them, but violence is not the solution. It would be also prudent to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons, to change the world in a positive way.
Je m'attendais à ce que vous supprimiez les "the" parasites...
Bye!
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de digorie, postée le 29-12-2015 à 15:04:17 (S | E)
Bonjour
merci beaucoup de votre aide.
J'ai corrigé, cependant je ne comprends pas ce qui ne va pas pour "death rate" (je ne sais pas quel autre mot mettre à la place) et "also" ?
Cordialement. Digorie.
Today, I am going to talk about the notion Locations and Forms of Power. First of all, power can be defined as a physical strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted. This year in class we studied several documents about gun power. That’s why we can wonder why Stephen King said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys”? In order to answer this question and illustrate the notion, we will focus on the gun laws in America according to the different states. Then we will analyse the consequences of the carrying of guns. Finally, we will see how campaigns can make gun buyers think differently about guns. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is a map and an audio support. Nowadays the US is one of the countries where carrying guns is allowed. Some American states are stricter than others but a lot of them have fewer restrictions. Indeed, we learnt that Alabama, Montana, Virginia are states where getting a weapon is a child’s play. There is no regulation, you just have to meet a dealer or go to a shop and in both places it takes you about 30 minutes. You do not need a firearm’s licence contrary to New York or California states, which are very restricted areas. They finger print you and you need to practise. Laws differ according to the different states, but we can notice a concentration of weapons in the east of the country. Most people say carrying weapons is for security’s sake, but Stephen King opposes this point of view, these “toys” as he said are dangerous and can cause slaughters and disasters.
I am going to continue with the next document I have chosen : it is a report of a teacher who tells her pupils about what happened at Columbine School in 1999. Two helpless teenagers wanted to get their revenge for not being accepted from popular kids. Their goal was to put a bomb in the cafeteria and wait for the survivors to shoot them down. But the bomb did not go off so they went into the school to shoot the students and teachers at random in cold blood. About forty people were killed by the young offenders. In this type of slaughters, families, friends and lovers of the victims are traumatized for ever. Approximately 300 shootings take place every year in the US. This must stop. Stephen King makes us aware of the risks and expects the US to give up firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
The last document is a video from States United To Prevent Gun Violence. The goal of the campaign is to make gun buyers think twice.
Indeed, we learn that 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. That’s why the campaigners opened a gun shop in NYC. The guns were real, but have been already used in a tragedy. The buyers were appalled and blindsided at discovering what they could read on the labels: sometimes children kill themselves, sometimes they kill their parents… As Stephen King said, guns are dangerous and deadly. Finally customers decided to change their minds and not buy a weapon. In my opinion, this campaign is the most efficient of all. The video with the music sensitizes me. We can’t be insensitive to this campaign and buy a gun thinking of the people who died because of them.
To conclude, I side with Stephen King. The US needs to give up weapons in all the country. It will be difficult because although there are campaigns, a lot of Americans think guns can protect them, but violence is not the solution. It would be also prudent to put more restrictions in some states for the carrying of weapons to change the world in a positive way.
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de lemagemasque, postée le 29-12-2015 à 15:22:13 (S | E)
Non non ! Quand c'est en vert, c'est "cadeau". J'applique le même code couleur que gerondif je crois !
"Popular kids" me paraît bizarre --> "les autres enfants" irait mieux non ?
Si vous n'êtes qu'une seule personne à parler, préférez "I" plutôt que "we" car ça fait bizarre sinon.
"fingerprint" en un seul mot.
Même chose pour already.Pour "insensitive", faites comme vous voulez mais je vous ai proposé une autre formulation pour éviter de vous répéter.
Bonne journée ! En ayant corrigé ça, vous devriez avoir un bon truc. Il reste encore quelques petites fautes mais elles ont déjà été signalées et elles ne vous empêcheront pas d'avoir une bonne note je suppose ! Bonne chance !
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de digorie, postée le 30-12-2015 à 11:57:15 (S | E)
Bonjour,
merci énormément de votre aide. J'ai corrigé les dernières modifications.
Je vous souhaite une très belle fin d'année.
Digorie.
Réponse: Notion de Pouvoir/ BAC de lemagemasque, postée le 30-12-2015 à 14:57:59 (S | E)
Merci, vous aussi !
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