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Message de loujuh posté le 24-12-2015 à 09:48:20 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai un oral à passer à la rentrée sur Simone Veil. J'ai écrit ce texte, pourriez-vous me le corriger ou m'indiquer mes erreurs. D'avance merci.
Simone Veil was born on 1927, 13th July in Nice in a Jewish family.
She was 17 when she was deported in Auschwitz along with her family only four days after she completed her baccalauréat.
In May 1945, the camp has been liberated and Simone come back to France with her sisters. After her release, she returned to studies and obtained a degree in law.
She also wanted to tell about the concentration camp but no ones wanted to listen to her.
In 1974, she became Minister of Health and filled this position for five years.
During his mandate, she proposed many plans to the government, like a law against tobacco but above all, she wrote an important law in 1975 about abortion.
This law caused many debate and sexist attacks.
Most of the aggression was anti-Semitic and aimed personally at Veil and her family. Those attacks came as much from members of the Parliament than anonymous letters.
The legalisation of the abortion was even compared to the Holocaust by some peoples and swastikas were painted on her car or in her building.
Despite the attacks, Simone Veil never gave up because she thought that the adoption of the law would be a huge improvement for women rights.
She was also convinced that the law would improve women’s live and allow progress in equality between men and women. The law was finally enacted in January 17th of 1975.
However, as crucial as the law Veil is, the fight of Simone Veil is not limited to it.
From 1946 to 1974, she held various positions in which she had the possibility to improved men and women’s rights.
In 1957 when she was penitentiary administrator, she noticed that the conditions of incarceration were degrading and insanitary.
She has contributed to the improvements of those conditions by allowing the creation of psycho-medical centres in jail. Libraries and school structures were also open thanks to his action.
During the Algerian war, she succeeded in regrouping Algerian women prisoners together and enabling them to pursue an education.
Nowadays, since 1998, she takes part in the Constitutional Council and she had shown his support to many associations with social vocations.
Her involvement towards her country and her continent is still present.
Her career inspires many women, especially regarding the obstacles she encountered and overcame.
She is remarkable for the openness, modesty and humility with which she fight for social improvements for the citizens and especially women.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-12-2015 22:34
Message de loujuh posté le 24-12-2015 à 09:48:20 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai un oral à passer à la rentrée sur Simone Veil. J'ai écrit ce texte, pourriez-vous me le corriger ou m'indiquer mes erreurs. D'avance merci.
Simone Veil was born on 1927, 13th July in Nice in a Jewish family.
She was 17 when she was deported in Auschwitz along with her family only four days after she completed her baccalauréat.
In May 1945, the camp has been liberated and Simone come back to France with her sisters. After her release, she returned to studies and obtained a degree in law.
She also wanted to tell about the concentration camp but no ones wanted to listen to her.
In 1974, she became Minister of Health and filled this position for five years.
During his mandate, she proposed many plans to the government, like a law against tobacco but above all, she wrote an important law in 1975 about abortion.
This law caused many debate and sexist attacks.
Most of the aggression was anti-Semitic and aimed personally at Veil and her family. Those attacks came as much from members of the Parliament than anonymous letters.
The legalisation of the abortion was even compared to the Holocaust by some peoples and swastikas were painted on her car or in her building.
Despite the attacks, Simone Veil never gave up because she thought that the adoption of the law would be a huge improvement for women rights.
She was also convinced that the law would improve women’s live and allow progress in equality between men and women. The law was finally enacted in January 17th of 1975.
However, as crucial as the law Veil is, the fight of Simone Veil is not limited to it.
From 1946 to 1974, she held various positions in which she had the possibility to improved men and women’s rights.
In 1957 when she was penitentiary administrator, she noticed that the conditions of incarceration were degrading and insanitary.
She has contributed to the improvements of those conditions by allowing the creation of psycho-medical centres in jail. Libraries and school structures were also open thanks to his action.
During the Algerian war, she succeeded in regrouping Algerian women prisoners together and enabling them to pursue an education.
Nowadays, since 1998, she takes part in the Constitutional Council and she had shown his support to many associations with social vocations.
Her involvement towards her country and her continent is still present.
Her career inspires many women, especially regarding the obstacles she encountered and overcame.
She is remarkable for the openness, modesty and humility with which she fight for social improvements for the citizens and especially women.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-12-2015 22:34
Réponse: Oral/Simone Veil de laure95, postée le 24-12-2015 à 10:28:16 (S | E)
Bonjour,
- In May 1945, the camp has been liberated: tu ne peux pas utiliser le présent perfect avec une date passée.
- and Simone come back to France: pas le bon temps.
- she returned to studies: mal dit.
- filled this position: THIS ne s'emploie pas dans une phrase au passé.
- During his mandate: pas le bon possessif.
- This law caused.
- many debate: MANY + PLURIEL.
- Most of the aggression was anti-Semitic: mettre tout au plurie.
- some peoples: pas de "s".
- and swastikas were painted on her car or in her building.
- women’s live: mettre au pluriel.
- in January 17th of 1975:pas la bonne préposition.
- to improved: TO + INFINITIF.
- his action: pas le bon possessif.
- Nowadays, since 1998, she takes part: SINCE + PRESENT PERFECT.
- she had shown: pas le bon temps.
- his support.
- Her career inspires many women: mettre au présent perfect.
- she fight: même remarque.
Réponse: Oral/Simone Veil de loujuh, postée le 24-12-2015 à 13:05:14 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup de votre réponse, pour "she had shown", je ne comprends pas à quel temps je dois mettre ce verbe.
Bonnes fêtes de fin d'année
Réponse: Oral/Simone Veil de laure95, postée le 24-12-2015 à 17:04:02 (S | E)
Tu dois mettre le verbe TO SHOW au present perfect et pas au past perfect.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-12-2015 22:35
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