Cover Letter/waiter

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Cover Letter/waiter
Message de matthieu15 posté le 24-12-2015 à 15:32:33 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous !
Je souhaiterais partir cet été en Angleterre pour améliorer mon anglais et ainsi, je prépare un CV et une lettre de motivation. Cependant, je voudrais être sûr qu'il n'y ait aucune faute dans ma lettre pour être pris au sérieux et avoir une chance d'être embauché (je vais distribuer mes lettres directement dans des établissements hôteliers). Ainsi, pourriez-vous me dire les points qu'il faudrait que j'améliore et les parties contenant des fautes ? Merci par avance pour votre aide, je viens de trouver ce forum et il a l'air vraiment génial !
Voici ma lettre :

Dear Sir, Madam,

Currently in second year of Medical studies in Bordeaux (France), I am looking for work in June and July 2016 as waiter to improve my English.

Thus, I would like to continue to work in the restaurant trade or hotel trade which are familiar to me for some years now.

Hence, I inform you of my application and my determination to join your team.

Dynamic, efficient and motivated, I am willing to bring my qualifies and my seriousness to your current organization.

Be waiter in a Crowne Plaza Hotel allowed me to gain experience with international customers through private receptions, room services or service of the restaurant.

I have enclosed my CV for your consideration and I shall, of course , be delighted to give any additional explanations that you may require

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and CV,

Sincerely,

XX XXXXX

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-12-2015 22:16

Réponse: Cover Letter/waiter de baboune16, postée le 24-12-2015 à 16:48:21 (S | E)
Bonjour,
work as a waiter
look for a job
me semblent plus justes
"which are familiar to me for some years now"
Je ne pense pas que l"expression soit correcte.

Réponse: Cover Letter/waiter de matthieu15, postée le 25-12-2015 à 10:29:34 (S | E)
Bonjour, merci pour ces précisions, le reste vous semble t-il correct ?

Réponse: Cover Letter/waiter de bluestar, postée le 25-12-2015 à 11:27:37 (S | E)
Bonjour..

Dynamic, efficient and motivated, I am willing to bring my qualifies (pas le mot juste , il faut changer une lettre) and my seriousness ('commitment' irait mieux) to your current organization.

Be(verbe -ing)a waiter in a Crowne Plaza Hotel allowed me to gain experience with international customers through private receptions, room services or service of in the restaurant.

Réponse: Cover Letter/waiter de matthieu15, postée le 25-12-2015 à 11:58:45 (S | E)
Voici ma lettre corrigée :

Dear Sir, Madam,

Currently in second year of Medical studies in Bordeaux (France), I look for a job as a waiter in June and July 2016 to improve my English.

Thus, I would like to continue to work in the restaurant trade or hotel trade which are familiar to me for some years now.

Hence, I inform you of my application and my determination to join your team.

Dynamic, efficient and motivated, I am willing to bring my qualities and my commitment to your current organization.

Being a waiter in a Crowne Plaza Hotel allowed me to gain experience with international customers through private receptions, room services or service in the restaurant.

I have enclosed my CV for your consideration and I shall, of course , be delighted to give any additional explanations that you may require

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and CV,

Sincerely,

XX XXXXX

Pensez vous que je peux l'envoyer comme cela ? La lettre vous parait complete ? Je ne trouve pas d'expression plus correcte pour "which are familiar to me for some years now"...
Merci encore baboune16 et bluestar pour votre aide précieuse :D

Réponse: Cover Letter/waiter de here4u, postée le 25-12-2015 à 12:48:32 (S | E)
Hello !

Non! Il faut d'abord corriger le temps, qui est faux ...

"which are familiar to me for some years now"... avec une durée (qui se poursuit dans leprésent, il faut un present perfect !

Réponse: Cover Letter/waiter de matthieu15, postée le 25-12-2015 à 15:46:55 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup here4u !

Dear Sir, Madam,

Currently in second year of Medical studies in Bordeaux (France), I look for a job as a waiter in June and July 2016 to improve my English.

Thus, I would like to continue to work in the restaurant trade or hotel trade which have been familiar to me for some years now.

Hence, I inform you of my application and my determination to join your team.

Dynamic, efficient and motivated, I am willing to bring my qualities and my commitment to your current organization.

Being a waiter in a Crowne Plaza Hotel allowed me to gain experience with international customers through private receptions, room services or service in the restaurant.

I have enclosed my CV for your consideration and I shall, of course , be delighted to give any additional explanations that you may require

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and CV,

Sincerely,

XXX XXX

Voilà, pensez vous qu'il y a autre chose de maladroit ou de faux ?

Réponse: Cover Letter/waiter de bluestar, postée le 25-12-2015 à 19:21:36 (S | E)
Bonsoir..

Currently in the second year of Medical studies in Bordeaux (France), I look (am looking) for a job as a waiter in June and July 2016 to improve my English.

~~Thus,~~ I would like to continue to work in the restaurant trade or hotel trade which have been familiar to me for some years now, and wish to apply

~~Hence, I inform you of my application and my determination~~ to join your team.

Dynamic, efficient and motivated, I am willing ('eager' serait plus approprié dans ce contexte) to bring my qualities and my commitment to your current organization.

Being a waiter in a Crowne Plaza Hotel allowed (temps -- comme here4you a dit, avec une durée qui se poursuit dans le présent, il faut un present perfect) me to gain experience with international customers through private receptions, room services or service in the restaurant.

I have enclosed my CV for your consideration and I shall, of course , be delighted to give any additional explanations that you may require

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and CV,

Réponse: Cover Letter/waiter de matthieu15, postée le 27-12-2015 à 11:40:09 (S | E)
Currently in the second year of Medical studies in Bordeaux (France), I am looking for a job as a waiter in June and July 2016 to improve my English.

I would like to continue to work in the restaurant trade or hotel trade which have been familiar to me for some years now, and wish to apply to join your team.

Dynamic, efficient and motivated, I am eager to bring my qualities and my commitment to your current organization.

Being a waiter in a Crowne Plaza Hotel has allowed me to gain experience with international customers through private receptions, room services or service in the restaurant.

I have enclosed my CV for your consideration and I shall, of course , be delighted to give any additional explanations that you may require

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and CV,

Sincerely

XXX XXXXX

Merci beaucoup pour avoir pris le temps de corriger toute ma lettre bluestar, pensez vous que je peux l'envoyer comme cela ?

Réponse: Cover Letter/waiter de bluestar, postée le 27-12-2015 à 13:38:35 (S | E)
Bonjour..

...to your current organization. ..('to your business' est mieux ici, a mon avis)

Being a waiter in a Crowne Plaza Hotel has allowed me to gain experience with international customers through private receptions, room services or service in the restaurant. (je dirais plutot: room and restaurant service)

I have enclosed my CV for your consideration and I shall, of course , be delighted to give any additional explanations ('information' est mieux) that you may require

Bonne chance!

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