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Message de azzi33 posté le 29-12-2015 à 18:53:59 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis en Terminale S et je dois composer ma présentation orale de Bac sur la notion "Myths and Heroes".
Ah oui, je précise que j'ai choisi l'anglais en LV2 (favorisant ainsi l'espagnol).
Pourriez-vous lire mon travail et me corriger mes nombreuses fautes s'il vous plait?
Merci pour vos réponses.
(Définiton) A myth can be defined as a story about gods and heroes, it can be a popular belief, a tradition or a false notion. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his achievements, a superhero or maybe a role model or an icon.
(Problématique) Is the frontier only physical or also a symbolical frontier ?
(Développement, doc.1) At first, I'm going to tell you about a video named "The myth of the Cow-boy". After the Civil War in 1865, the population was booming in the East and there was a lack of ressources such as shortage of food while, in Texas, there were 6 millions cattle which could help feed people. The railway wasn't fully completed, so cow-boys were needed to drive the cattle to the railway stations. Young adventurers left for Texas in search of jobs. Cow-boys had to be skilled horseman and cross dangerous lands. They also had to protect the cattle from outlaws. This story is linked to the conquest as they were the 1st to explore and live in the plains. Later, farmers followed ans settled on the land. They became a new kind of American hero, a new icon.
(doc.2) Then, the 2nd document is a painting called "The spirit of the Frontier" and also "American Progress" by John Gast dated to 1872. At the foreground, I can see an angel who is holding a book and the wire (le fil électrique). There is a star in his hair. At the background, I can see men who are working and 3 locomotives. This painting represents the settlers who are going to work. It also represents the expansion of the USA from the East to the West. But, what was a frontier during the 19th century ? During the 19th century, the Frontier was pushed from East to West. So, during the conquest of the West, the frontier was a moving zone between the conquered regions and unchartered lands. The frontier ended when the white settlers reached the Pacific coast in 1890. These conquerors was determined although ressourceful. They wanted to fulfill (réaliser) their dreams. As a conclusion of this document, in this painting, pioneers and Columbia can be seen as heroes. It also gives an idealistic view of the West conquest.
(doc.3) The last document is a speech pronounced by JFK on September, 1962. Kennedy saw the conquest of space as a new goal for Americans. It will bring new knowledge to help humanity and it will also bring peace. He compared space and the planets to mountains to be climbed. Like the Old West, space was a new territory to be conquered by men. Americans should push their limits further and show their fighting spirit. During the Cold War, it also was a way to show American technological superiority.
xxxxx
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-12-2015 20:06
C'est à vous de soumettre votre conclusion, pas à nous.
Message de azzi33 posté le 29-12-2015 à 18:53:59 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis en Terminale S et je dois composer ma présentation orale de Bac sur la notion "Myths and Heroes".
Ah oui, je précise que j'ai choisi l'anglais en LV2 (favorisant ainsi l'espagnol).
Pourriez-vous lire mon travail et me corriger mes nombreuses fautes s'il vous plait?
Merci pour vos réponses.
(Définiton) A myth can be defined as a story about gods and heroes, it can be a popular belief, a tradition or a false notion. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his achievements, a superhero or maybe a role model or an icon.
(Problématique) Is the frontier only physical or also a symbolical frontier ?
(Développement, doc.1) At first, I'm going to tell you about a video named "The myth of the Cow-boy". After the Civil War in 1865, the population was booming in the East and there was a lack of ressources such as shortage of food while, in Texas, there were 6 millions cattle which could help feed people. The railway wasn't fully completed, so cow-boys were needed to drive the cattle to the railway stations. Young adventurers left for Texas in search of jobs. Cow-boys had to be skilled horseman and cross dangerous lands. They also had to protect the cattle from outlaws. This story is linked to the conquest as they were the 1st to explore and live in the plains. Later, farmers followed ans settled on the land. They became a new kind of American hero, a new icon.
(doc.2) Then, the 2nd document is a painting called "The spirit of the Frontier" and also "American Progress" by John Gast dated to 1872. At the foreground, I can see an angel who is holding a book and the wire (le fil électrique). There is a star in his hair. At the background, I can see men who are working and 3 locomotives. This painting represents the settlers who are going to work. It also represents the expansion of the USA from the East to the West. But, what was a frontier during the 19th century ? During the 19th century, the Frontier was pushed from East to West. So, during the conquest of the West, the frontier was a moving zone between the conquered regions and unchartered lands. The frontier ended when the white settlers reached the Pacific coast in 1890. These conquerors was determined although ressourceful. They wanted to fulfill (réaliser) their dreams. As a conclusion of this document, in this painting, pioneers and Columbia can be seen as heroes. It also gives an idealistic view of the West conquest.
(doc.3) The last document is a speech pronounced by JFK on September, 1962. Kennedy saw the conquest of space as a new goal for Americans. It will bring new knowledge to help humanity and it will also bring peace. He compared space and the planets to mountains to be climbed. Like the Old West, space was a new territory to be conquered by men. Americans should push their limits further and show their fighting spirit. During the Cold War, it also was a way to show American technological superiority.
xxxxx
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-12-2015 20:06
C'est à vous de soumettre votre conclusion, pas à nous.
Réponse: Notion/Myths and Heroes de azzi33, postée le 31-12-2015 à 10:43:51 (S | E)
Bonjour bonjour ...
Personne n'est là pour m'aider s'il vous plaît ?
J'attends vos réponses, merci bien
Réponse: Notion/Myths and Heroes de gerondif, postée le 31-12-2015 à 12:29:25 (S | E)
Bonjour,
il y a peu d'erreurs dans votre texte mais vous ne démontrez rien, vous ne traitez pas le sujet, d'où peut-être le problème de la conclusion, vous ne contrastez pas la frontière physique et la frontière idéologique comme la conquête de l'espace, ou le mur atomique anti-soviétique de Reagan ou la couverture sécurité sociale du peuple américain etc
(Définiton) A myth can be defined as a story about gods and heroes, it can be a popular belief, a tradition or a false notion. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his achievements, a superhero or maybe a role model or an icon.
(Problématique) Is the frontier only physical or also a symbolical frontier ?
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
(Développement, doc.1) At first, I'm going to tell you about a video named "The myth of the Cow-boy". After the Civil War in 1865, the population was booming in the East and there was a lack of ressources such as shortage of food while, in Texas, there were 6 millions cattle which could help feed people. The railway wasn't fully completed, so cow-boys were needed to drive the cattle to the railway stations. Young adventurers left for Texas in search of jobs. Cow-boys had to be skilled horseman and cross dangerous lands. They also had to protect the cattle from outlaws. This story is linked to the conquest as they were the 1st to explore and live in the plains. Later, farmers followed ans settled on the land. They became a new kind of American hero, a new icon. (très bien mais quel rapport avec la frontière physique si vous ne le dites pas?)
(doc.2) Then, the 2nd document is a painting called "The spirit of the Frontier" and also "American Progress" by John Gast dated to 1872. At the foreground, I can see an angel who is holding a book and the wire (pourquoi LEle fil électrique). There is a star in his hair. At the background, I can see men who are working and 3 locomotives. This painting represents the settlers who are going to work. It also represents the expansion of the USA from the East to the West. But, what was a frontier during the 19th century ? During the 19th century, the Frontier was pushed from East to West. So, during the conquest of the West, the frontier was a moving zone between the conquered regions and unchartered lands. The frontier ended when the white settlers reached the Pacific coast in 1890. These conquerors was(pluriel) determined although ressourceful. They wanted to fulfill (réaliser) their dreams. As a conclusion of this document, in this painting, pioneers and Columbia can be seen as heroes. It also gives an idealistic view of the West conquest.
(c'est surtout une frontière physique ici)
(doc.3) The last document is a speech pronounced by JFK on September, 1962. Kennedy saw the conquest of space as a new goal for Americans. It will(j'aurais plutôt mis un conditionnel) bring new knowledge to help humanity and it will also bring peace. He compared space and the planets to mountains to be climbed. Like the Old West, space was a new territory to be conquered by men. Americans should push their limits further and show their fighting spirit. During the Cold War, it also was a way to show American technological superiority. (c'est là qu'il faut parler de frontière idéale, idéologique)
Réponse: Notion/Myths and Heroes de azzi33, postée le 31-12-2015 à 13:05:40 (S | E)
Déjà merci beaucoup d'avoir pris le temps de lire mon travail et de l'avoir corrigé !
Donc, j'applique vos corrections :
Et je rajoute ou modifie des phrases (en souligné) allant dans le sens de vos conseils :
(Définiton) A myth can be defined as a story about gods and heroes, it can be a popular belief, a tradition or a false notion. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his achievements, a superhero or maybe a role model or an icon.
(Problématique) Is the frontier only physical or also a symbolical frontier ?
(Développement, doc.1) At first, I'm going to tell you about a video named "The myth of the Cow-boy". After the Civil War in 1865, the population was booming in the East and there was a lack of resources such as shortage of food while, in Texas, there were 6 million cattle which could help feed people. The railway wasn't fully completed, so cow-boys were needed to drive the cattle to the railway stations. Young adventurers left for Texas in search of jobs. Cow-boys had to be skilled horseman and cross dangerous lands. They also had to protect the cattle from outlaws. This story is linked to the conquest as they were the 1st to explore and live in the plains. Later, farmers followed ans settled on the land. They became a new kind of American hero, a new icon. So, American wanted to discove new lands and the railway which wasn't completed could be the symbol of a physical frontier which was again pushed further.
(doc.2) Then, the 2nd document is a painting called "The spirit of the Frontier" and also "American Progress" by John Gast dated to 1872. On the foreground, I can see an angel who is holding a book and a wire. There is a star in his hair. On the background, I can see men who are working and 3 locomotives. This painting represents the settlers who are going to work. It also represents the expansion of the USA from the East to the West. But, what was a frontier during the 19th century ? During the 19th century, the Frontier was pushed from East to West. So, during the conquest of the West, the frontier was a moving zone between the conquered regions and unchartered lands. The frontier ended when the white settlers reached the Pacific coast in 1890. These conquerors were determined although resourceful. They wanted to fulfill (réaliser) their dreams. As a conclusion of this document, in this painting, pioneers and Columbia can be seen as heroes. It shows a physical frontier through an idealistic view. (Bon c'est très léger...)
(doc.3) The last document is a speech pronounced by JFK in September, 1962. Kennedy saw the conquest of space as a new goal for Americans. It would bring new knowledge to help humanity and it will also bring peace. He compared space and the planets to mountains to be climbed. Like the Old West, space was a new territory to be conquered by men. Americans should push their limits further and show their fighting spirit. During the Cold War, it also was a way to show American technological superiority. By this document, I can see an idealistic frontier powered by the wish of American to be first, here in the spatial conquest.
Voilà, donc j'ai rajouté des phrases (celles qui sont soulignées). Sont-elles correctes et ont-elles un sens ?
Et encore merci pour vos réponses!
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