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Message de picaxe posté le 31-12-2015 à 12:46:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à toutes et à tous !
Je vous souhaite d'abord d'agréables et de très bonnes fêtes de fin d'année !
J'ai une fiche notion à réaliser pour le Bac et j'aurais souhaité votre aide pour m'aider à corriger les fautes.
Merci beaucoup d'avance.
Voici le texte :
Good morning, today, I am going to talk about the locations and forms of power. First of all, the power is the ability to exercise control or authority over others. The location could be important buildings such as the White House, a symbol of the American presidency. But the location could also be a country. This year in class we studied several documents about gun power in the USA. That’s why, we can wonder why Stephen King, an American writer, says “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys? First of all, to answer this question we will focus on the legislation in the USA about guns. Then we will analyse all damage that can cause weapons before finally focusing on the ideas and campaigns against gun power. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is an audio document and a map. It deals with the different legislation in the USA according to states about guns. There are states with strict gun laws such as New-York and California. To own a gun in these states, you must complete paperwork, submit a background check and take a photo of yourself. But there are also states with fewer restrictions such as Virginia and Montana where you have an easy access to guns. You can just visit a licensed and registered gun dealer. It is very simple. Moreover, there are American states with more than 50% of the state population own a gun whereas only a quarter of the state population has a weapon. The document shows the contrast between states next to the sea who have the lowest overall gun death in the country and states in the centre of the country who have the nation's highest gun death. Stephen King explained guns are dangerous but why?
Secondly, the next document is an audio document which deals with the shooting at Columbine. A teacher, tells to her pupils what happened in Colorado on 1999. The murderers are two teenagers. They are 18 and 17. Both have been excluded of the society because they were not popular and they want to take their revenge on popular teenagers. First, they wanted to detonate a bomb in the cafeteria at lunch time, and then as the rest of the school came out for the exits, they would open fire from outside. As it was, their homemade bombs did not detonate, and they were forced to improvise. They have killed 13 people at random in cold blood and wounded more than 20 others before committing suicide. Families and friends are shocked by these slaughters. The crime was the worst high school shooting in the USA history and prompted a national debate on gun control and school safety. Stephen King makes us realize that the USA have to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
Finally, the last document I have chosen is an awareness campaign called “Guns with a History”. This video wants to make gun buyers think twice so the organization opened a fake gun store in NYC. They sold a lot of guns but all of them have already been used in tragedy such as a school shooting. People who came in the fake shop were actually seriously considering buying a gun. Over 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. The target of this video is not radical gun owners. Moreover, hidden cameras captured the gun buyer’s reaction. They want to make people aware that guns are dangerous and that’s why King wants to ban weapons. I have the feeling that it’s a great campaign. The staging and the music are very sensitive. The campaign uses new technology such as YouTube and I think it’s very effective because a lot of people have an easy access to this video.
To conclude I would say that gun ownership is both a basic American right and still one of the most contentious social and political issues of the day in the USA. Like Lenin says, “One man with a gun can control one hundred without one”. The notion of power implies a division between those who have power and those are the victims. Those who have power are people who caring a gun and not the government, or teachers such as in the shooting of Columbine. Finally, I side with Stephen King because to my mind, all these documents make us realize that the USA needs to give up weapons because owning a gun increases the risk of homicide, fatality, suicide and unintentional death.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-12-2015 14:36
Message de picaxe posté le 31-12-2015 à 12:46:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à toutes et à tous !
Je vous souhaite d'abord d'agréables et de très bonnes fêtes de fin d'année !
J'ai une fiche notion à réaliser pour le Bac et j'aurais souhaité votre aide pour m'aider à corriger les fautes.
Merci beaucoup d'avance.
Voici le texte :
Good morning, today, I am going to talk about the locations and forms of power. First of all, the power is the ability to exercise control or authority over others. The location could be important buildings such as the White House, a symbol of the American presidency. But the location could also be a country. This year in class we studied several documents about gun power in the USA. That’s why, we can wonder why Stephen King, an American writer, says “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys? First of all, to answer this question we will focus on the legislation in the USA about guns. Then we will analyse all damage that can cause weapons before finally focusing on the ideas and campaigns against gun power. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is an audio document and a map. It deals with the different legislation in the USA according to states about guns. There are states with strict gun laws such as New-York and California. To own a gun in these states, you must complete paperwork, submit a background check and take a photo of yourself. But there are also states with fewer restrictions such as Virginia and Montana where you have an easy access to guns. You can just visit a licensed and registered gun dealer. It is very simple. Moreover, there are American states with more than 50% of the state population own a gun whereas only a quarter of the state population has a weapon. The document shows the contrast between states next to the sea who have the lowest overall gun death in the country and states in the centre of the country who have the nation's highest gun death. Stephen King explained guns are dangerous but why?
Secondly, the next document is an audio document which deals with the shooting at Columbine. A teacher, tells to her pupils what happened in Colorado on 1999. The murderers are two teenagers. They are 18 and 17. Both have been excluded of the society because they were not popular and they want to take their revenge on popular teenagers. First, they wanted to detonate a bomb in the cafeteria at lunch time, and then as the rest of the school came out for the exits, they would open fire from outside. As it was, their homemade bombs did not detonate, and they were forced to improvise. They have killed 13 people at random in cold blood and wounded more than 20 others before committing suicide. Families and friends are shocked by these slaughters. The crime was the worst high school shooting in the USA history and prompted a national debate on gun control and school safety. Stephen King makes us realize that the USA have to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
Finally, the last document I have chosen is an awareness campaign called “Guns with a History”. This video wants to make gun buyers think twice so the organization opened a fake gun store in NYC. They sold a lot of guns but all of them have already been used in tragedy such as a school shooting. People who came in the fake shop were actually seriously considering buying a gun. Over 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. The target of this video is not radical gun owners. Moreover, hidden cameras captured the gun buyer’s reaction. They want to make people aware that guns are dangerous and that’s why King wants to ban weapons. I have the feeling that it’s a great campaign. The staging and the music are very sensitive. The campaign uses new technology such as YouTube and I think it’s very effective because a lot of people have an easy access to this video.
To conclude I would say that gun ownership is both a basic American right and still one of the most contentious social and political issues of the day in the USA. Like Lenin says, “One man with a gun can control one hundred without one”. The notion of power implies a division between those who have power and those are the victims. Those who have power are people who caring a gun and not the government, or teachers such as in the shooting of Columbine. Finally, I side with Stephen King because to my mind, all these documents make us realize that the USA needs to give up weapons because owning a gun increases the risk of homicide, fatality, suicide and unintentional death.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-12-2015 14:36
Réponse: Location et pouvoir/Bac de laure95, postée le 31-12-2015 à 14:50:58 (S | E)
Bonjour,
merci, passe de bonnes fêtes également.
- Stephen King says: temps.
-all damage: il manque un article.
- the different legislation: pluriel.
- Moreover, there are American states with more than 50% of the state population own a gun: il manque un pronom relatif.
- The document shows the contrast between states next to the sea who have the lowest overall gun death in the country and states in the centre of the country who have the nation's highest gun death: WHO a pour antécédent une personne.
- at Columbine: il manque le mot "school".
- A teacher, tells to her pupils: TELL + PERSONNE.
- The murderers are two teenagers: temps.
- They are 18 and 17.
- Both have been excluded of the society: pas la bonne préposition.
- they want: temps.
- Families and friends are shocked by these slaughters: temps.
- Americans
- The staging and the music are very sensitive: changer "sensitive" ou modifier la phrase.
-issues of the day.
- Like Lenin says: temps.
- people who caring: ce n'est pas un temps.
Réponse: Location et pouvoir/Bac de picaxe, postée le 31-12-2015 à 15:21:34 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre réponse si rapide ! Voici les erreurs corrigées. JE n'ai pas trouvé le pronom relatif en revanche..
Locations and forms of power
Good morning, today, I am going to talk about the locations and forms of power. First of all, the power is the ability to exercise control or authority over others. The location could be important buildings such as the White House, a symbol of the American presidency. But the location could also be a country. This year in class we studied several documents about gun power in the USA. That’s why, we can wonder why Stephen King, an American writer, said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys? First of all, to answer this question we will focus on the legislation in the USA about guns. Then we will analyse all the damage that can cause weapons before finally focusing on the ideas and campaigns against gun power. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is an audio document and a map. It deals with the different legislations in the USA according to states about guns. There are states with strict gun laws such as New-York and California. To own a gun in these states, you must complete paperwork, submit a background check and take a photo of yourself. But there are also states with fewer restrictions such as Virginia and Montana where you have an easy access to guns. You can just visit a licensed and registered gun dealer. It is very simple. Moreover, there are American states with more than 50% of the state population own a gun whereas only a quarter of the state population has a weapon. The document shows the contrast between states next to the sea which have the lowest overall gun death in the country and states in the centre of the country who have the nation's highest gun death. Stephen King explained guns are dangerous but why?
Secondly, the next document is an audio document which deals with the shooting at Columbine school. A teacher, tells her pupils what happened in Colorado on 1999. The murderers were two teenagers. They were 18 and 17. They have been excluded of the society because they were not popular and they wanted to take their revenge on popular teenagers. First, they wanted to detonate a bomb in the cafeteria at lunch time, and then as the rest of the school came out for the exits, they would open fire from outside. As it was, their homemade bombs did not detonate, and they were forced to improvise. They have killed 13 people at random in cold blood and wounded more than 20 others before committing suicide. Families and friends have been shocked by these slaughters. The crime was the worst high school shooting in the USA history and prompted a national debate on gun control and school safety. Stephen King makes us realize that the USA have to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
Finally, the last document I have chosen is an awareness campaign called “Guns with a History”. This video wants to make gun buyers think twice so the organization opened a fake gun store in NYC. They sold a lot of guns but all of them have already been used in tragedy such as a school shooting. People who came in the fake shop were actually seriously considering buying a gun. Over 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. The target of this video is not radical gun owners. Moreover, hidden cameras captured the gun buyer’s reaction. They want to make people aware that guns are dangerous and that’s why King wants to ban weapons. I have the feeling that it’s a great campaign. The staging and the music are very emotional. The campaign uses new technology such as YouTube and I think it’s very effective because a lot of people have an easy access to this video.
To conclude I would say that gun ownership is both a basic American right and still one of the most contentious social and political issues of the day in the USA. Like Lenin said, “One man with a gun can control one hundred without one”. The notion of power implies a division between those who have power and those are the victims. Those who have power are people who have a gun and not the government, or teachers such as in the shooting of Columbine. Finally, I side with Stephen King because to my mind, all these documents make us realize that the USA needs to give up weapons because owning a gun increases the risk of homicide, fatality, suicide and unintentional death.
Réponse: Location et pouvoir/Bac de laure95, postée le 31-12-2015 à 15:57:49 (S | E)
- that can cause weapons: ordre des mots.
- You can just visit: ce verbe n'est pas approprié ici.
- there are American states with more than 50% of the state population own a gun: traduire le pronom relatif "qui" et le mettre avant "own".
- between states: mettre un article.
- who have: pas la bon relatif (mettre le même que juste avant).
- They have been excluded of the society: pas la bonne préposition.
- were actually seriously considering buying a gun: mal construit.
- hidden cameras captured the gun buyer’s reaction: mettre au présent.
- of the day: ?
Réponse: Location et pouvoir/Bac de picaxe, postée le 31-12-2015 à 16:49:48 (S | E)
Merci pour votre réponse,j'ai essayé de corriger les erreurs. Le verbe "visit" est ici au sens "se rendre chez qq" je ne peux pas le laisser ?
Locations and forms of power
Good morning, today, I am going to talk about the locations and forms of power. First of all, the power is the ability to exercise control or authority over others. The location could be important buildings such as the White House, a symbol of the American presidency. But the location could also be a country. This year in class we studied several documents about gun power in the USA. That’s why, we can wonder why Stephen King, an American writer, said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys? First of all, to answer this question we will focus on the legislation in the USA about guns. Then we will analyse all the damage that weapons can cause before finally focusing on the ideas and campaigns against gun power. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is an audio document and a map. It deals with the different legislations in the USA according to states about guns. There are states with strict gun laws such as New-York and California. To own a gun in these states, you must complete paperwork, submit a background check and take a photo of yourself. But there are also states with fewer restrictions such as Virginia and Montana where you have an easy access to guns. You can just visit a licensed and registered gun dealer. It is very simple. Moreover, there are American states with more than 50% of the state population who own a gun whereas only a quarter of the state population has a weapon. The document shows the contrast between the states next to the sea which have the lowest overall gun death in the country and states in the centre of the country which have the nation's highest gun death. Stephen King explained guns are dangerous but why?
Secondly, the next document is an audio document which deals with the shooting at Columbine school. A teacher, tells her pupils what happened in Colorado on 1999. The murderers were two teenagers. They were 18 and 17. They have been excluded from society because they were not popular and they wanted to take their revenge on popular teenagers. First, they wanted to detonate a bomb in the cafeteria at lunch time, and then as the rest of the school came out for the exits, they would open fire from outside. As it was, their homemade bombs did not detonate, and they were forced to improvise. They have killed 13 people at random in cold blood and wounded more than 20 others before committing suicide. Families and friends have been shocked by these slaughters. The crime was the worst high school shooting in the USA history and prompted a national debate on gun control and school safety. Stephen King makes us realize that the USA have to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the rate of death in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
Finally, the last document I have chosen is an awareness campaign called “Guns with a History”. This video wants to make gun buyers think twice so the organization opened a fake gun store in NYC. They sold a lot of guns but all of them have already been used in tragedy such as a school shooting. People who came in the fake shop were very determined for buying a gun. Over 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. The target of this video is not radical gun owners. Moreover, hidden cameras capture the gun buyer’s reaction. They want to make people aware that guns are dangerous and that’s why King wants to ban weapons. I have the feeling that it’s a great campaign. The staging and the music are very emotional. The campaign uses new technology such as YouTube and I think it’s very effective because a lot of people have an easy access to this video.
To conclude I would say that gun ownership is both a basic American right and still one of the most contentious social and political issues of the moment in the USA. Like Lenin said, “One man with a gun can control one hundred without one”. The notion of power implies a division between those who have power and those are the victims. Those who have power are people who have a gun and not the government, or teachers such as in the shooting of Columbine. Finally, I side with Stephen King because to my mind, all these documents make us realize that the USA needs to give up weapons because owning a gun increases the risk of homicide, fatality, suicide and unintentional death.
Réponse: Location et pouvoir/Bac de laure95, postée le 01-01-2016 à 11:55:52 (S | E)
Bonjour,
je te souhaite une BONNE ANNEE 2016!
- You can just visit a licensed and registered gun dealer: tu ne rends pas visite à un marchand d'armes, tu vas plutôt le voir, donc utilise simplement le verbe aller.
- and states: mettre un article.
- many awareness campaigns are implemented: utilise le present perfect.
-They sold a lot of guns: ils vendent toujours des armes ou pas? Si oui, pas le bon temps.
- for buying a gun: Ppour : TO + BASE VERBALE.
- those are the victims: il manque un relatif après "those".
Réponse: Location et pouvoir/Bac de picaxe, postée le 01-01-2016 à 18:58:51 (S | E)
Bonjour et bonne année 2016 !
Voici la correction que j'ai effectué :
Good morning, today, I am going to talk about the locations and forms of power. First of all, the power is the ability to exercise control or authority over others. The location could be important buildings such as the White House, a symbol of the American presidency. But the location could also be a country. This year in class we studied several documents about gun power in the USA. That’s why, we can wonder why Stephen King, an American writer, said “How many have to die before we will give up these dangerous toys? First of all, to answer this question we will focus on the legislation in the USA about guns. Then we will analyse all the damage that weapons can cause before finally focusing on the ideas and campaigns against gun power. To illustrate this theme, we will work on three documents.
The first document I have chosen is an audio document and a map. It deals with the different legislations in the USA according to states about guns. There are states with strict gun laws such as New-York and California. To own a gun in these states, you must complete paperwork, submit a background check and take a photo of yourself. But there are also states with fewer restrictions such as Virginia and Montana where you have an easy access to guns. You can just go to a licensed and registered gun dealer. It is very simple. Moreover, there are American states with more than 50% of the state population who own a gun whereas only a quarter of the state population has a weapon. The document shows the contrast between the states next to the sea which have the lowest overall gun death in the country and the states in the centre of the country which have the nation's highest gun death. Stephen King explained guns are dangerous but why?
Secondly, the next document is an audio document which deals with the shooting at Columbine school. A teacher, tells her pupils what happened in Colorado on 1999. The murderers were two teenagers. They were 18 and 17. They have been excluded from society because they were not popular and they wanted to take their revenge on popular teenagers. First, they wanted to detonate a bomb in the cafeteria at lunch time, and then as the rest of the school came out for the exits, they would open fire from outside. As it was, their homemade bombs did not detonate, and they were forced to improvise. They have killed 13 people at random in cold blood and wounded more than 20 others before committing suicide. Families and friends have been shocked by these slaughters. The crime was the worst high school shooting in the USA history and prompted a national debate on gun control and school safety. Stephen King makes us realize that the USA have to give up the firearms. To try to reduce the death rate in the country, many awareness campaigns are implemented.
Finally, the last document I have chosen is an awareness campaign called “Guns with a History”. This video wants to make gun buyers think twice so the organization opened a fake gun store in NYC. They sold a lot of guns but all of them have already been used in tragedy such as a school shooting. People who came in the fake shop were very determined to buy a gun. Over 60% of Americans think owning a gun will make their lives safer. The target of this video is not radical gun owners. Moreover, hidden cameras capture the gun buyer’s reaction. They want to make people aware that guns are dangerous and that’s why King wants to ban weapons. I have the feeling that it’s a great campaign. The staging and the music are very emotional. The campaign uses new technology such as YouTube and I think it’s very effective because a lot of people have an easy access to this video.
To conclude I would say that gun ownership is both a basic American right and still one of the most contentious social and political issues of the moment in the USA. Like Lenin said, “One man with a gun can control one hundred without one”. The notion of power implies a division between those who have power and those who are the victims. Those who have power are people who have a gun and not the government, or teachers such as in the shooting of Columbine. Finally, I side with Stephen King because to my mind, all these documents make us realize that the USA needs to give up weapons because owning a gun increases the risk of homicide, fatality, suicide and unintentional death.
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