Correction / motivation

Correction / motivation
Message de tlehirke posté le 19-01-2016 à 22:26:20 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je suis actuellement à la recherche d'un stage dans un pays anglophone, en l’occurrence le Royaume-Uni. J'ai donc rédigé un mail de motivation (auquel je ne compte pas ajouter de lettre de motivation) que j'aimerais me faire corriger :

Dear X,
I am a first-year student in the INSA xxx (Engineering school) and I discovered your company in my institute’s internships record. Indeed, a student from my school worked for a month in your enterprise last year and I am highly interested in doing the same.
I saw that you asked the student to solve technological problem and I think I would be able to accomplish this kind of tasks.
This internship would help me to increase my English level and to discover the professional world, that’s why I’m really motivated.
Please find attached to this mail my resume. I thank you in advance for reading it.
Best regards,
XXX

Merci d'avance

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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-01-2016 23:07

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Réponse: Correction / motivation de gerondif, postée le 19-01-2016 à 23:01:06 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert

Dear X,
I am a first-year student in the INSA Rennes (Engineering school) and I discovered your company in my institute’s internships record. Indeed, a student from my school worked (ordre des compléments)in your enterprise for a month last year and I am (I would be si vous voulez être moins direct) highly interested in doing the same.
I saw that you asked (j'aurais mis soit: I see that you asked, soit I saw that you had asked) the student to solve technological problems and I think I would be able to accomplish this kind of task (singulier).
This internship would help me to increase my English level and to discover the professional world, that’s why I’m really motivated.
Please find attached to this mail my resume. I thank you in advance for reading it.
Best regards,
XXX

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Réponse: Correction / motivation de tlehirke, postée le 27-01-2016 à 18:15:21 (S | E)
Bonjour,
J'ai déjà fait une demande l'autre jour, je vous remercie d'ailleurs de m'avoir aidé, et j'ai un autre mail à vous soumettre :

Dear X,
I am a first-year student in the INSA Rennes (Engineering school) and I am really interested in doing an internship in your company for a month.
I think that my abilities in design and web programming would help me to complete various tasks you could ask me to do.
This internship would help me to increase my English level and to discover the professional world, that’s why I’m really motivated.
Please find attached to this mail my resume. I thank you in advance for reading it.
Best regards,
xxxx

Pourriez vous me le corriger ?
Merci beaucoup

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Modifié par lucile83 le 27-01-2016 23:24
C'est le même texte à peu près, même sujet corrigé, donc il doit venir à la suite du topic initial, merci.

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