Correction/dialogue

Correction/dialogue
Message de gabyx posté le 19-03-2016 à 17:46:31 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous!
J'ai un devoir maison à rendre en anglais pour mardi mais je voulais m'assurer avant de le rendre qu'il ne reste pas de fautes de grammaire!
Merci d'avance!!
Voici la consigne ;)
Imagine you took part in a sit-in. You call your friend in the evening to explain what happened and share your feelings.

The scene takes places in the evening. Alex is going back to his home. Then, he is taking his phone. Bip… Bip… Bip…
‘Hi Alex! How are you? Mick said me this morning that you went to the sit-in a bit earlier.’
‘Hi Emily, I’m fine. It was terrible... I’m just going back to home.’ Alex stammers.
‘I’m not amazed… Tell me what happened.’
‘Ok, hum this morning as you knew maybe, Mick and I were having an appointment just in front of the church with all of the others who wanted to protest with us. We explained them the plan if policemen will arrive. Mick said that if policemen arrive we have to rest and continue to pray in front of the church as if nothing happened. For me it was too dangerous, and I said him. You know how Mick is… he said me that I’m talking nonsense and if we want to win we have to fight even if policemen start to hurt us. He’s glaring at me and turn back with the others.’ Alex mutters.
‘He is so stupid! His brother is dead in the sit-in during next month and he continues to believe that policemen won’t try to arrest us! ‘Barge in Emily in a furiously voice.
‘He is a pig headed. After our quickly conversation, people squats in front of the church and start to pray as Mick said it… But after five minutes, white people started insulting us: “Black people will have to go in the hell”; “They are the devil”. It was hard to listen to them but we were calm, we continue to pray. But then a white people hurled at Mick and they started to fight! I stand up to help him but someone grabs my hand and pulls me away from Mick. It was a white people… I think that he will hurt me but he said me that if I want to survive I have to flee and hide me.
‘What?! Why he did that? And Mick?’ Asks Emily. She looks nervous.
‘I ask him why! He said me that policemen will arrive in few minutes and were forbidden to arrest all demonstrators and that if they will not capable of arrest us, they‘ll have the order to shoot them… Then he runs away from me, and when I twist to prevent our friends, I see a field of battles. Mick was disappeared. So I run away from the church and go back to home to save me… ‘Alex confesses.
‘You don’t know where Mick is?’
‘No sorry… I call you again if I have any news. Bye Emily.’
‘Bye Alex’.
Bip… Bip… Bip…

PS: Dites moi aussi ce que vous en pensez! Toutes les critiques sont bonnes à prendre!

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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-03-2016 21:28

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Réponse: Correction/dialogue de delf2312, postée le 20-03-2016 à 19:04:21 (S | E)
Hello,

‘Hi Alex! How are you? Mick said me(to say something to someone VS to tell someone something) this morning that you went to the sit-in a bit earlier.’
‘Hi Emily, I’m fine. It was terrible... I’m just going back to home.’ Alex stammers.
‘I’m not amazed… (Vocab : ici amaze ne va pas pour traduire "je ne suis pas surprise car amaze a le sens de emmerveiller) Tell me what happened.’
‘Ok, hum this morning as you knew maybe, Mick and I were having an appointment just in front of the church with all of the others who wanted to protest with us. We explained them the plan if policemen will arrived. Mick said that if policemen arrive we have (pourquoi passer au présent?) to rest and continue to pray in front of the church as if nothing happened. For me it was too dangerous, and I said him. You know how Mick is… he said me that I’m talking nonsense and if we want to win we have (même chose : pourquoi revenir au présent ?) to fight even if policemen started to hurt us( si des policiers commençait à nous "blesser"?) He’s glaring at me and turn back with the others.’ Alex mutters.
‘He is so stupid! His brother is dead in the sit-in during next month (il est mort le mois prochain ?) and he continues to believe that policemen won’t try to arrest us! ‘Barge in Emily in a furiously voice.
‘He is a pig headed (je sais que google traduction a validé cette expression mais je n'ai jamais entendu). After our quickly conversation, people squats in front of the church and start to pray as Mick said it… But after five minutes, white people started insulting us: “Black people will have to go in go to the hell”; “They are the devil”. It was hard to listen to them but we were calm, we continue to pray. But then a white people (1 person, two people) hurled at Mick and they started to fight! I stand up to help him but someone grabs my hand and pulls me away from Mick. It was a white people… I think that he will hurt me but he said me that if I want to survive I have to flee and hide me.
‘What?! Why he did that? And Mick?’ Asks Emily. She looks nervous.
‘I ask him why! He said me that policemen will arrive in few minutes and were forbidden to arrest all demonstrators and that if they will were not capable of arrest (capable/able TO + BV ou capable of Ving) us, they‘ll have the order to shoot them… Then he runs away from me, and when I twist to prevent our friends, I see a field of battles. Mick was had disappeared. So I run away from the church and go back to home to save me… (to save my own life/ to escape) ‘Alex confesses.
‘You don’t know where Mick is?’
‘No sorry… I call you again if I have any news. Bye Emily.’
‘Bye Alex’.
Bip… Bip… Bip…

Quand c'est souligné à la fin, cela indique un problème de temps. Voilà, bon courage !

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Modifié par lucile83 le 21-03-2016 00:17

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Réponse: Correction/dialogue de gabyx, postée le 21-03-2016 à 20:45:36 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup!! C'est très gentil!!

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