Aide / pour le VAE

Aide / pour le VAE
Message de machenka posté le 08-04-2016 à 14:07:53 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde.
Avant de poser mon pavé, j'explique le contexte : Je vais prochainement entamer des démarches pour une VAE de russe. Mais il n'est pas possible de passer une VAE de russe seul, une autre langue doit y être adjointe, j'ai donc choisi l'anglais car mes bases orales n'étaient pas catastrophiques. Pour cela, je dois passer le Cambridge Advanced English et le joindre à mon dossier VAE Russe/Anglais.
J'ai donc trouvé les bouquins avec les exos et la grammaire, je passe ici aussi assez régulièrement pour changer d'aire mais il y a une partie des exercices qui sont des rédactions de texte sur un sujet en rapport avec la leçon vue. C'est très bien de l'écrire, mais je n'ai personne qui puisse me corriger, m'expliquer où sont mes fautes, tout ça. Mon examen est le 21 mai (Oui, aïe). J'ai fini le bouquin, les exos, sauf la partie rédac. Donc, je cherche à savoir si de bonnes âmes pourraient lire mes textes postés pour voir si ce n'est pas trop la cata et que je corrige mes erreurs/ que je les comprenne?
Je tente un premier texte, et merci à ceux qui prendraient le temps de massacrer mon travail ^^

1 -past/ present simple
-present perfect

I recently read an article saying that the most important invention of the last 100 years was television. Hard to agree with that point of view.The last century has been full of major discoveries in every domain of science and technology and having a look backward gives the sensation that the speed of these discoveries is increasing with our ability to miniaturize things : the first calculator was a monster using a huge amount of energy to execute simple work and now you can put it in your pocket, they work without battery as a simple leaf,which takes its energy directly from the sun. When we talk about the greatest invention of the last century, I cannot imagine talking about a box running images that changes people into zombies for generations. Actually, I would say that televisor is working by taking out our energy out without our content. Of course, internet is a main creation too : never before people could share and link knowledge, culture and relationship as easy as we are doing at the moment, the era of communication is on.
To make a choice among the abundance of things we have created or discovered since the beginning of 20th century is an hard task. I have to admit that I have a soft spot for "green energies", especially for the solar one, which for me is a kind of perfect example of our recent change of mind : the new generation is trying to take example on Nature by finding the best way to reproduce Nature's technology instead of destroy everything from It. It is very intersting time, things are evolving and we are too. Though, for me, synthetization of solar energy is the main invention of the last 100 years.

Voilà voilà...Je vais mettre ma tête dans un trou maintenant...

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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-04-2016 16:05

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Réponse: Aide / pour le VAE de gerondif, postée le 09-04-2016 à 00:01:06 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Sortez la tête du trou, il y a pire
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert

I recently read an article saying that the most important invention of the last 100 years was television. Hard to agree with that point of view.The last century has been full of major discoveries in every domain of science and technology and having a look backward gives the sensation that the speed of these discoveries is increasing with our ability to miniaturize things : the first calculator was a monster using a huge amount of energy to execute simple work and now you can put it in your pocket, they work without battery (pluriel plus logique) as (as signifie en tant que like signifie comme en comparaison) a simple leaf(leaf, c'est bien une feuille d'arbre, pas de papier),which takes its energy directly from the sun. When we talk about the greatest invention of the last century, I cannot imagine talking about a box running images that changes people into zombies for generations. Actually, I would say that televisor is working by taking out our energy out without our content (content ou consent?). Of course, internet is a main(me parait mal choisi pour dire principale, j'aurais pensé à major/foremost) creation too : never before people could(inversez) share and link knowledge, culture and relationship as easy(il faut l'adverbe, pas l'adjectif) as we are doing at the moment, the era of communication is on.
To make a choice among the abundance of things we have created or discovered since the beginning of the 20th century is an hard task (is hard work). I have to admit that I have a soft spot for "green energies", especially for the solar one, which for me is a kind of perfect example of our recent change of mind : the new generation is trying to take example on Nature by finding the best way to reproduce Nature's technology instead of(préposition, donc + ing) destroy everything from It. It is very intersting time,(mettez plutôt le pluriel: These are very interesting times) things are evolving and we are too(maladroit, so are we est tellement mieux!). Though,(me parait bien maladroit en tête de phrase et isolé par une virgule. Dans ce cas, mettez Nevertheless,) for me, the synthetization of solar energy is the main(major/foremost) invention of the last 100 years.

Vos phrases sont peut-être trop longues, ça m'amuse parce que on me reprochait ce type de phrases remplies de subordonnées quand j'étais élève....

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