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Message de aladdin69 posté le 10-05-2016 à 16:14:07 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je vais bientôt passer l'oral d'anglais j'aimerais que vous me donniez votre avis sur ce texte, s'il tient la route ou non, si vous pouvez m'aider à corriger les fautes de syntaxe ,orthographe ...
Le sujet est "l'idée de progrès" avec 2 parties "internet is good or bad" (1re partie) et "teleworking" avec une conclusion (elle me semble courte ?) Merci à vous
Idée de progrès
I'm going to talking about the notion of progress. First of all I want to give a definition of this notion: the notion of progress is the idea that the world can be enhanced in terms of science,technology,rights and quality of life. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement ,a development or a change a technical,scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place
I/Internet is good or bad ?
The internet is a very powerful educational tool. It preserves our history and permits not to forget the past.It is often very essential in case of natural disaster.When the tsunami hit Asia , the donations of ordinary people were enormous thanks to the images they saw on the internet.It was important that the money given by the government.We can chat online with friends everywhere in the world.Internet preserves our history.We can share and spread our ideas with the whole world.Internet can learn almost everything online.The people can work faster and more easily.
Internet can be bad because he can become addicted to it.Your identity can be stolen, your home invaded ,you money robbed.Internet is compared to the most dangerous weapon ever created.For example mad people ,racist,extremists and dictators can spread their ideas freely without censorship and can reach millions of people with their propaganda.Moreover you can buy anything you want.
II/The teleworking/telecommuting
The teleworking is a activity of working at home while communicating with your office by phone or email.We can take your time.You can work and take care of you children at the same time.There is not pressure (with the boss) it's more confortable.It's more confortable because you know workplace very well.You can take your time and organize it.
The teleworking can be be distracted from your work and can be less motivated and less efficient because nobody supports you.We have no social relation with the teleworking.
To conclude we can say that the internet enables peope to communicate freely without government censhorship or control.Thanks to it the ordinary people have a lot of power.The teleworking can be good for people organize and serious for win time.The teleworking it's essential for people live in great city.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 10-05-2016 22:1
Message de aladdin69 posté le 10-05-2016 à 16:14:07 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je vais bientôt passer l'oral d'anglais j'aimerais que vous me donniez votre avis sur ce texte, s'il tient la route ou non, si vous pouvez m'aider à corriger les fautes de syntaxe ,orthographe ...
Le sujet est "l'idée de progrès" avec 2 parties "internet is good or bad" (1re partie) et "teleworking" avec une conclusion (elle me semble courte ?) Merci à vous
Idée de progrès
I'm going to talking about the notion of progress. First of all I want to give a definition of this notion: the notion of progress is the idea that the world can be enhanced in terms of science,technology,rights and quality of life. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement ,a development or a change a technical,scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place
I/Internet is good or bad ?
The internet is a very powerful educational tool. It preserves our history and permits not to forget the past.It is often very essential in case of natural disaster.When the tsunami hit Asia , the donations of ordinary people were enormous thanks to the images they saw on the internet.It was important that the money given by the government.We can chat online with friends everywhere in the world.Internet preserves our history.We can share and spread our ideas with the whole world.Internet can learn almost everything online.The people can work faster and more easily.
Internet can be bad because he can become addicted to it.Your identity can be stolen, your home invaded ,you money robbed.Internet is compared to the most dangerous weapon ever created.For example mad people ,racist,extremists and dictators can spread their ideas freely without censorship and can reach millions of people with their propaganda.Moreover you can buy anything you want.
II/The teleworking/telecommuting
The teleworking is a activity of working at home while communicating with your office by phone or email.We can take your time.You can work and take care of you children at the same time.There is not pressure (with the boss) it's more confortable.It's more confortable because you know workplace very well.You can take your time and organize it.
The teleworking can be be distracted from your work and can be less motivated and less efficient because nobody supports you.We have no social relation with the teleworking.
To conclude we can say that the internet enables peope to communicate freely without government censhorship or control.Thanks to it the ordinary people have a lot of power.The teleworking can be good for people organize and serious for win time.The teleworking it's essential for people live in great city.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 10-05-2016 22:1
Réponse: Oral/Notion de progrès de laure95, postée le 15-05-2016 à 14:13:42 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Où est la problématique? L'annonce de plan?
I/Internet is good or bad ?: question mal construite.
The (pas de THE)internet is a very powerful educational tool.
- in case of natural disaster (pluriel)
- It was important that the money (il manque BE conjugué)given by the government.
- Internet can learn almost everything online: ?
-The people (pas de THE) can work faster and more easily.
- he (qui est HE?) can become addicted to it.
- racist (people)
II/The (pas de THE)teleworking/telecommuting
The teleworking is a activity (A + CONSONNE)of working at home
- We can take your (pas le bon possessif) time.
- you (ce n'est pas le possessif)children at the same time.
- you know (article)workplace very well.
- You can take your time and organize it.
- The teleworking can be good for people organize and serious for win time: ?
-The teleworking it's (pas de IT)essential for people live (living)in (article)great city.
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