Rédaction/décisions

Rédaction/décisions
Message de mathildelesprit posté le 28-01-2017 à 14:29:17 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde!
j'ai une rédaction à effectuer pour mardi. J'ai un niveau très faible en anglais et j'aurais besoin de votre aide si vous le voulez bien.
Le sujet de la rédaction a déjà été posté par quelqu'un d'autre mais étant donné que c'est un travail personnel, le rendu ne sera donc pas le même.
Le sujet est le suivant: "Do you think parents should interfere in their children's decisions?"
J'ai organisé la rédaction avec une partie citant les points positifs et l'autre retraçant les points négatifs.
erci à ceux qui accepteront de lire et de me corriger.
Voici mon brouillon:

Often, the children have to make up one's mind. Same can be very important. The parents interfere in the children décisions. They are involved for protect their child. It's positive because the parents are experimented. They help their child in front of problems of the life. They make everything so that him is happy. That's why they interfere in their children décisions. They don't want to let their child to settle a problem by oneself. They think it won't work. It's so good that the parents are interested and that they interfere in their children décisions
However,they should advise, but no oblige their children when they make up one's mind. Otherwise, the children keep in dependance of them parents. It's negative because they will never be autonomous and responsible. That's why take the décisions in their places it's not good.
The role of the parents would be maybe to help their child and to interested of him but do not choose as them.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2017 15:28

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Réponse : Rédaction/décisions de gerold, postée le 29-01-2017 à 20:19:16 (S | E)
Bonsoir Mathilde,

conformément aux règles du forum, je vous aide sans vous donner les réponses toutes faites.

Often, the (les enfants en général, donc ...?) have to make up one's (pas "one`s" car la phrase n`est pas impersonnelle) mind. Same can be very important. The parents interfere in the children (il faut un génitif) décisions (attention français)!. They are involved for in protect (quelle forme verbale faut-il après une préposition?) their child. It's positive because the parents are experimented. They help their child in front of problems of the life (cherchez comment on dit "affronter la vie", plusieurs possibilités). They make (autre verbe signifiant "faire") everything so that him (il faut un pronom sujet) is happy. That's why they interfere in their children décisions (comme précédemment) . They don't want to let their child to (pas de "to") settle a problem by oneself (pas oneself car la phrase n`est pas impersonnelle. They think it won't work. It's so ("so" est superflu) good that the parents are interested and that they interfere in their children décisions (comme précédemment).
However,they should advise, but no (autre négation) oblige their children when they make up one's mind. Otherwise, the children keep in dependance of (cherchez comment on dit "rester dépendant de" et attention à la préposition) them (il faut un possessif) parents. It's negative because they will never be autonomous and responsible. That's why take the décisions (attention français !) in their places it's not good (reformulez après "that`s why"). The role of the parents would be maybe to help their child and to interested (infinitif) of (autre préposition) him but do not choose (infinitif négatif) as (pas "as", comment dites-vous à leur place?)them.

Repostez le texte quand vous l`aurez corrigé s`il vous plaît.


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Modifié par gerold le 29-01-2017 22:40

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Réponse : Rédaction/décisions de mathildelesprit, postée le 29-01-2017 à 20:51:03 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Often, the childrens have to make up a mind. Same can be very important. The parents interfere in the children's choice. They are involved for in protect (quelle forme verbale faut-il après une préposition?)JE NE SAIS PAS JE SUIS DÉSOLÉ their child. It's positive because the parents are experimented. They help their child in front of problems of the life (cherchez comment on dit "affronter la vie", plusieurs possibilités). They do everything so that he is happy. That's why they interfere in their children's choice. They don't want to let their child settle a problem by alone. They think it won't work. It's good that the parents are interested and that they interfere in their children's choice.
However,they should advise, but no However, they should advise, but don't oblige their children when they make up a mind. Otherwise, the children keep in dependance of (cherchez comment on dit "rester dépendant de" et attention à la préposition) them (il faut un possessif) parents. It's negative because they will never be autonomous and responsible. That's why take the choice their places it's not good. The role of the parents would be maybe to help their child and to interests of (autre préposition) him but do not choose (infinitif négatif) as (pas "as", comment dites-vous à leur place?)them.

Merci infiniment pour votre aide et désolée pour ce que je n'ai pas réussi à corriger.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-01-2017 21:46

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Réponse : Rédaction/décisions de lucile83, postée le 29-01-2017 à 22:11:33 (S | E)
Hello,
Erreurs en bleu
Often, the childrens have to make up a mind. Same can be very important.
The parents interfere in the children's choice. They are involved for in protect their child. It's positive because the parents are experimented. They help their child in front of problems of the life .
They do everything so that he is happy. That's why they interfere in their children's choice. They don't want to let their child settle a problem by alone. They think it won't work. It's good that the parents are interested and that they interfere in their children's choice.
However,they should advise, but no However, they should advise, but don't oblige their children when they make up a mind. Otherwise, the children keep in dependance of them parents.
It's negative because they will never be autonomous and responsible. That's why take the choice their places it's not good. The role of the parents would be maybe to help their child and to interests of him but do not choose as them.

C'est mal corrigé, juste copié-collé... Personne ne fera le travail pour vous.
Aidez-vous d'un dictionnaire. Lien internet

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Réponse : Rédaction/décisions de mathildelesprit, postée le 29-01-2017 à 22:50:08 (S | E)
Often, children have to make up his mind. They can be very important.
The parents interfere in the children's choice. They are involved in protect their child. It's positive because the parents are experimented. They help their child to cope with life.
They do everything so that it is happy. That's why they interfere in their children's choice. They don't want to let their child settle a problem alone. They think it won't work. It's good that the parents are interested and that they interfere in their children's choice.
However,they should advise, but do not oblige their children when they make up his mind. Otherwise, the children rely his parents.
It's negative because they will never be autonomous and responsible. That's why take the choice their places it's not good. The role of the parents would be maybe to help their child and to interests of him but do not choose as them.

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Réponse : Rédaction/décisions de lucile83, postée le 30-01-2017 à 05:18:19 (S | E)
Hello,
Erreurs en bleu;2/3 corrections faites en vert.
Often, children have to make up his mind. They can be very important.
The parents interfere in the children's choices. They are involved in protect their child. It's positive because the parents are experimented. They help their child to cope with life.
They do everything so that it is happy. That's why they interfere in their children's choices. They don't want to let their child settle a problem alone. They think it won't work. It's good that the parents are interested and that they interfere in their children's choices.
However,they should advise, but do not oblige their children when they make up his mind. Otherwise, the children rely ... his parents.
It's negative because they will never be autonomous and responsible. That's why take the choice their places it's not good. The role of the parents would be maybe to help their children and to interest(s) of him but do not choose as them.

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Réponse : Rédaction/décisions de mathildelesprit, postée le 30-01-2017 à 17:53:16 (S | E)
Often, children have to make up one mind. The choice can be very important.
The parents interfere in the children's choices. They are involved in protection of their child. It's positive because the parents are experimented. They help their child to cope with life.
They do everything so that this one is happy. That's why they interfere in their children's choices. They don't want to let their child settle a problem alone. They think it won't work. It's good that the parents are interested and that they interfere in their children's choices.
However,they should advise, but not oblige their children when they make up one mind. Otherwise, the children rely on them parents.
It's negative because they will never be autonomous and responsible. That's why to choose on their place is not good. The role of the parents should be to help their children and to interest in him but not choose for them.

Je suis désolée mais je ne parviens pas à corriger l'expression "to make up one's mind" qui est une expression apprise en cours.. Je sais que dans ce cas elle n'est pas impersonnelle mais il m'est impossible de trouver une réponse correcte.. Merci beaucoup pour vos aides.


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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-01-2017 22:16
Pas de rouge sur les forums, merci.

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Réponse : Rédaction/décisions de lucile83, postée le 30-01-2017 à 22:28:22 (S | E)
Hello,
Vu l'échéance de demain je vous aide un peu plus, en vert.
-but not oblige their children when they make up one mind. ...>>their children ...make up their mind. La concordance des pronoms est nécessaire.
-They are involved in the protection of their children.
-the children rely on their parents.
-That's why to choose on their place is not good ..for them is not helpful.
-to help their children and to interest in him be interested in them.

Bel effort finalement !

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Réponse : Rédaction/décisions de mathildelesprit, postée le 30-01-2017 à 22:37:33 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup! Je prends note de tous vos conseils.

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