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Message de noopy420 posté le 13-02-2017 à 15:53:02 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pourriez-vous corriger ma lettre de motivation s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance.
Question 1 : Please describe a situation in which you worked with people from different backgrounds and what you learned from that experience.
We had to make a presentation at the beginning of the school year in groups of four students. As the groups were formed randomly I was with a forty-year-old woman who went back to school, a Pole and a girl I met a few days ago. We reached a consensus for the topic but disagreements quickly took over. We had a long debate and the situation became tense so I proposed to change the topic in order to make a fresh start. And it worked : even the Pole, who did not speak his mind a lot since (I assume he was afraid of adding insult to injury) shared valuable ideas.
A group of people has a wider range of knowledge, expertise and skills than any single individuals. And this is even truer when the members come from different backgrounds. Nevertheless it can be delicate to benefit from these resources as diversity is both a strength and a challenge. The decision-making process is indeed more complex and open-mindedness is needed in order to meet others half-way. The person who takes the role of the leader, as I often do, also have the duty to make people feel comfortable to share their opinions and to give them their heads so as to make their contribution worthy.
Question 2 : Briefly describe a time in which you had to step out of your comfort zone and what you learned from that experience.
At the end of the secondary school, I chose not to study in my hometown but in Lyon, in a school known for its high academic level. I was very enthusiastic when I made this choice. However, a few weeks before getting back to school, I was bating breath. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to come up to the standards and to go to the boarding school alone. The first weeks were horrible : the teachers had immediately put pressure on us and it was the first time I was away from my peers. I was almost about to give up.
However, I held on and I am now really happy that I did so. Indeed I experienced many things such as the way of living in a big city or meeting people who were very different from the ones I knew since. It was also the first time I had to be independent, as nobody were here to look after me as my parents or my friends would have. So I learned a myriad of things both on the academic field and in life, and these new perspectives - along with my background - enabled me to build the person I am today.
To sum up, even if this experience hasn’t always been easy, it was very enriching to me. That’s why I believe that breaking your comfort zone is the only way to enlarge it.
Question 3 : How do you plan to integrate with students from other countries and cultures?
With this question you are expected to explain what you will actually do to integrate with your fellow students once you have started your studies.
Since I am a child, I enjoy meeting new people and discovering new places. I think that’s why I have never had difficulties to integrate with others, no matter their age or backgrounds. It is also the case with people from different countries as I have a keen interest in cultural diversity.
Moreover, the international aspect is one of the main points that made me chose the IBA programme, and I believe the other students too. For that reason I think the cultural differences boundary will be easily overcame, as I expect to meet students who are as enthusiastic about meeting students from other countries as I am.
That’s why I plan to do exactly the same as I did this year at the university : staying nice, approachable and spontaneous of course but also getting involved in the students community by becoming a member of a club and playing sports with my fellow students. I will also seize every opportunities to go for a drink or at a party after class, as these moments are the best to make friends.
Once I met my fellow students, I would be pleased to discover their cultures and to share mine. (I have never met someone who wasn’t interested in tasting French cuisine)
Question 4 : What proves your sincere interest in an international programme like IBA?
There are many reasons for which I am attracted to the IBA programme.
First of all, I would like to work in a European Institution or in an international company. The international teaching staff, the multi-cultural student body and the possibility for international exchange are therefore something that I am looking for.
The IBA programme is also the perfect opportunity to become friend with people from all around the world, which is very valuable in our global world.
Moreover, the IBA programme is a perfect way to gain a deeper knowledge and skills in both business and management. I wish that someday I would be able to make videos as interesting as the ones from the ”Discovery” section of your website. The importance you give to ethic and sustainability is also something that makes me choose your school, as I believe they are two major aspects of our society. Associated with the international approach provided by the programme, this would enable me to have a global vision of economy so as to be able to face the challenges of our society.
Finally, the Rotterdam School of Management is highly accredited and ranked. Its strong name in business school would be a boost for my career.
Question 5: What other relevant information do you want to share with us in order to motivate your application?
I think I could contribute to the RSM community for several reasons.
First of all, as my previous education provided me a strong academic background, I acquired an efficient working method and good rational problem-solving skills. In addition to that, I am very curious and I have always did a lot of things on my own such as learning the piano, learning Italian or drawing, which helped me to ”think outside the box”.
Studying abroad after the baccalaureate came like an evidence to me. Since I already was interested in the RSM, I tried to apply last year. Unfortunately I went sick two days before taking the TOEFL test and I consequently wasn’t able to submit my application before the deadline. That’s why I chose my current studies with the perspective of giving it another try this year.
Indeed as I study two bachelors at the same time, one in management and the other in languages, I have been able to improve my skills in both fields. I have also become aware of the need of being autonomous for a student at university.
For these reasons, I feel even more prepared while not being less motivated and I really hope that you will give me the opportunity to be one of your students.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-02-2017 17:19
Message de noopy420 posté le 13-02-2017 à 15:53:02 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pourriez-vous corriger ma lettre de motivation s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance.
Question 1 : Please describe a situation in which you worked with people from different backgrounds and what you learned from that experience.
We had to make a presentation at the beginning of the school year in groups of four students. As the groups were formed randomly I was with a forty-year-old woman who went back to school, a Pole and a girl I met a few days ago. We reached a consensus for the topic but disagreements quickly took over. We had a long debate and the situation became tense so I proposed to change the topic in order to make a fresh start. And it worked : even the Pole, who did not speak his mind a lot since (I assume he was afraid of adding insult to injury) shared valuable ideas.
A group of people has a wider range of knowledge, expertise and skills than any single individuals. And this is even truer when the members come from different backgrounds. Nevertheless it can be delicate to benefit from these resources as diversity is both a strength and a challenge. The decision-making process is indeed more complex and open-mindedness is needed in order to meet others half-way. The person who takes the role of the leader, as I often do, also have the duty to make people feel comfortable to share their opinions and to give them their heads so as to make their contribution worthy.
Question 2 : Briefly describe a time in which you had to step out of your comfort zone and what you learned from that experience.
At the end of the secondary school, I chose not to study in my hometown but in Lyon, in a school known for its high academic level. I was very enthusiastic when I made this choice. However, a few weeks before getting back to school, I was bating breath. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to come up to the standards and to go to the boarding school alone. The first weeks were horrible : the teachers had immediately put pressure on us and it was the first time I was away from my peers. I was almost about to give up.
However, I held on and I am now really happy that I did so. Indeed I experienced many things such as the way of living in a big city or meeting people who were very different from the ones I knew since. It was also the first time I had to be independent, as nobody were here to look after me as my parents or my friends would have. So I learned a myriad of things both on the academic field and in life, and these new perspectives - along with my background - enabled me to build the person I am today.
To sum up, even if this experience hasn’t always been easy, it was very enriching to me. That’s why I believe that breaking your comfort zone is the only way to enlarge it.
Question 3 : How do you plan to integrate with students from other countries and cultures?
With this question you are expected to explain what you will actually do to integrate with your fellow students once you have started your studies.
Since I am a child, I enjoy meeting new people and discovering new places. I think that’s why I have never had difficulties to integrate with others, no matter their age or backgrounds. It is also the case with people from different countries as I have a keen interest in cultural diversity.
Moreover, the international aspect is one of the main points that made me chose the IBA programme, and I believe the other students too. For that reason I think the cultural differences boundary will be easily overcame, as I expect to meet students who are as enthusiastic about meeting students from other countries as I am.
That’s why I plan to do exactly the same as I did this year at the university : staying nice, approachable and spontaneous of course but also getting involved in the students community by becoming a member of a club and playing sports with my fellow students. I will also seize every opportunities to go for a drink or at a party after class, as these moments are the best to make friends.
Once I met my fellow students, I would be pleased to discover their cultures and to share mine. (I have never met someone who wasn’t interested in tasting French cuisine)
Question 4 : What proves your sincere interest in an international programme like IBA?
There are many reasons for which I am attracted to the IBA programme.
First of all, I would like to work in a European Institution or in an international company. The international teaching staff, the multi-cultural student body and the possibility for international exchange are therefore something that I am looking for.
The IBA programme is also the perfect opportunity to become friend with people from all around the world, which is very valuable in our global world.
Moreover, the IBA programme is a perfect way to gain a deeper knowledge and skills in both business and management. I wish that someday I would be able to make videos as interesting as the ones from the ”Discovery” section of your website. The importance you give to ethic and sustainability is also something that makes me choose your school, as I believe they are two major aspects of our society. Associated with the international approach provided by the programme, this would enable me to have a global vision of economy so as to be able to face the challenges of our society.
Finally, the Rotterdam School of Management is highly accredited and ranked. Its strong name in business school would be a boost for my career.
Question 5: What other relevant information do you want to share with us in order to motivate your application?
I think I could contribute to the RSM community for several reasons.
First of all, as my previous education provided me a strong academic background, I acquired an efficient working method and good rational problem-solving skills. In addition to that, I am very curious and I have always did a lot of things on my own such as learning the piano, learning Italian or drawing, which helped me to ”think outside the box”.
Studying abroad after the baccalaureate came like an evidence to me. Since I already was interested in the RSM, I tried to apply last year. Unfortunately I went sick two days before taking the TOEFL test and I consequently wasn’t able to submit my application before the deadline. That’s why I chose my current studies with the perspective of giving it another try this year.
Indeed as I study two bachelors at the same time, one in management and the other in languages, I have been able to improve my skills in both fields. I have also become aware of the need of being autonomous for a student at university.
For these reasons, I feel even more prepared while not being less motivated and I really hope that you will give me the opportunity to be one of your students.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-02-2017 17:19
Réponse : Aide/lettre motivation de here4u, postée le 13-02-2017 à 16:52:02 (S | E)
Hello !
Comme c'est très long, je vais commencer par les deux premiers paragraphes !
Question 1 : Please describe a situation in which you worked with people from different backgrounds and what you learned from that experience.
We had to make a presentation at the beginning of the school year in groups of four students. As the groups were formed randomly I was with a forty-year-old woman who went :aspect !elle était en train de ...revenir - voc + acpect)back to school, a Pole and a girl I met a few days ago = prétérit de narration rapporté => = ???. We reached a consensus for the topic but disagreements quickly took over(very clumsy!). We had a long debate and the situation became tense so I proposed Boff!) to change the topic in order to make a fresh start. And it worked : even the Pole, who did not speak his mind a lot since (I assume he was afraid of adding insult to injury)= notclear at all ! What "injury"? shared valuable ideas.
A group of people has a wider range of knowledge, expertise and skills than any single individuals. And this is even truer when the members come from different backgrounds. Nevertheless it can be delicate to benefit from these resources as diversity is both a strength and a challenge. The decision-making process is indeed more complex and open-mindedness is needed in order to meet others half-way.( hum ... )The person who takes the role of the leader, as I often do, also have the duty to make people feel comfortable to share their opinions and to give them their heads so as to make their contribution worthy.
Shouldn't leadership be decided together and not imposed in a group ?
Question 2 : Briefly describe a time in which you had to step out of your comfort zone and what you learned from that experience.
At the end of the secondary school, I chose not to study in my hometown but in Lyon, in a school known for its high academic level. I was very enthusiastic when I made this choice. However, a few weeks before getting back to school, I was bating breath. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to come up to the standards and to go to the boarding school alone. The first weeks were horrible: the teachers had immediately put pressure on us and it was the first time I was away ;it's the first time + present eprfect => therefore, here ???from my peers. I was almost about to give up.
However, I held on and I am now really happy that I did so. Indeed I experienced many things such as the way of living in a big city or meeting people who were very different from the ones I knew since.= tense! It was also the first time I had to be independent, as nobody were here to look after me as my parents or my friends would have. So I learned a myriad of things both on the academic field and in life, and these new perspectives - along with my background - enabled me to build the person I am today.
To sum up, even if this experience hasn’t always been easy, it was very enriching to me. That’s why I believe that breaking your comfort zone is the only way to enlarge it.
Réponse : Aide/lettre motivation de noopy420, postée le 13-02-2017 à 21:40:06 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Merci beaucoup d'avoir pris le temps d'effectuer ces corrections ! Mon niveau d'anglais n'est vraiment pas encore excellent, j'espère être acceptée afin de m'améliorer !
J'ai effectué les modifications en prenant en compte vos remarques. Cependant j'ai encore un petit doute concernant certaines tournures de phrase.
Dans le premier paragraphe je devrai donc dire : "a woman who was coming back to school"
Et dans le second : "it was the first time I have been away" et "as nobody was there" ?
Merci encore et passez une bonne soirée !
Réponse : Aide/lettre motivation de here4u, postée le 13-02-2017 à 22:08:39 (S | E)
hello !
On ne dirait pas "revenir, ou retourner à l'école" mais "reprendre ses études" ("to resume", qui est un faux ami ; Lien internet
it's the first time + present perfect => therefore : it was the first time + past perfect.
OK pour "was there"...
ce soir je ne peux pas ... J'essaierai de continuer demain ...
Réponse : Aide/lettre motivation de noopy420, postée le 13-02-2017 à 23:07:21 (S | E)
Oui je comprends, c'est déjà très gentil de prendre de votre temps pour m'aider.
Si jamais vous avez la possibilité de continuer demain, il ne me reste finalement qu'une réponse à envoyer que je copie plus bas (donc pas la peine de regarder les 3 derniers paragraphes !
) What proves your sincere interest for a programme like IBA from both international and business perspective ?
The IBA programme represents an ideal choice as I would like to work in a European Institution or in an international company.
First of all, the international teaching staff, the multi-cultural student body and the possibility for international exchange are excellent opportunities to get more open-minded and to become friend with people all around the world.
Moreover, the IBA programme is a perfect way to gain a deeper knowledge and skills in both business and management. The videos and articles of the ”Discovery” section of your website, which reveals the importance you give to ethic and sustainability and the pioneering research going on at the RSM, have strengthened my resolve.
Finally, the Rotterdam School of Management is highly accredited and ranked. Its strong name in business school would be a boost for my career and its quality of teaching would enable me to exploit my potential at the fullest. At the time, I am confident of contributing originally to the IBA student's body.
I believe that the combination of both international and business aspects are the best way to build a global vision of the global economy so as to be able to face the challenges of our society.
Réponse : Aide/lettre motivation de gerondif, postée le 14-02-2017 à 00:28:43 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
What proves your sincere interest for a programme like IBA from both an international and a business perspective ?
The IBA programme represents an ideal choice as I would like to work in a European Institution or in an international company.
First of all, the international teaching staff, the multi-cultural student body and the possibility for international exchange are excellent opportunities to get more open-minded and to become friend with people all around the world.
Moreover, the IBA programme is a perfect way to gain a deeper knowledge and skills in both business and management. The videos and articles of the ”Discovery” section of your website, which reveals (ok pour la troisième personne singulier si which reprend discovery section, sinon, videos and articles c'est pluriel) the importance you give to ethic and sustainability and the pioneering research going on at the RSM, have strengthened my resolve.
Finally, the Rotterdam School of Management is highly accredited and ranked. Its strong name in business school would be a boost for my career and its quality of teaching would enable me to exploit my potential at the fullest. At the time(signifie "à l'époque ? vous vouliez dire at the same time, en même temps? au sens propre du terme, pas cet horrible "en même temps au sens de pourtant (however)ou de de plus (moreover) ), I am confident of (ne va pas si vous vous projetez dans le futur, j'aurais mis la structure confident that + un futur) contributing originally to the IBA student's body.
I believe that the combination of both international and business aspects are the best way to build a global vision of the global economy so as to be able to face the challenges of our society.
Réponse : Aide/lettre motivation de here4u, postée le 14-02-2017 à 09:45:26 (S | E)
Hello!
As promised...
The videos and articles of the ”Discovery” section of your website, which reveals
the importance you give to ethic and sustainability and the pioneering research going on at the RSM, have strengthened my resolve.D'accord avec gérondif, bien sûr, pour dire qu'il faut clarifier le problème de la 3e personne du singulier.
Je n'ai pas lu le reste, mais la première phrase du 3: "Since I am a child, I enjoy..." me fait énormément souffrir concernant l'emploi des temps...
Réponse : Aide/lettre motivation de noopy420, postée le 14-02-2017 à 15:23:14 (S | E)
Concernant la 3e personne, c'était bien de la "Discovery section" dont je parlais.
Oups
J'imagine que je ferai bien de reprendre quelques cours sur les temps et leurs aspects ..! Si jamais cela est possible pour vous, une correction du paragraphe 3, ne serait en fin de compte pas de refus.
Merci à vous !
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