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Message de lelouch posté le 25-02-2017 à 15:43:08 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Les oraux du Bac approchent et ce serait très gentil de m'aider à corriger mes plans pour mes notions
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.
The notion I’m going to deal with is « Places & forms of power ». In politics and social science, power is the ability to influence people's behaviour. In order to live together members of a community accept rules. This helps to create social cohesion but can also lead to conflicts and tensions. In order to illustrate the notion, I’m going to talk about India and in particular about inequalities in India. So are all citizens on an equal footing in modern-day India? First I’m going to talk about the inequalities among citizens, then I’ll talk about inequalities between men & women and finally I’ll talk about the evolution of Indian society.
I –First of all, there are a lot of inequalities among citizen in India.
a) First, the outdated Hindu caste system is making a lot of inequalities. The Hindu caste system is a rigid class system with no social mobility into which one is born. One’s caste is determined by karma. There are 5 castes: Priests on the top of the pyramid, then Warriors, then Merchants, then Peasants and finally the Untouchables at the bottom of the pyramid. Untouchables can never move up in caste
b) Moreover, there is a huge gap between rich & poor people in India. On one hand, there is 69 billionaires in India but 42% of population is living with less than 1$ a day. Poor population also has a lower literacy rate.
II – On top of that, there are also inequalities between men & women :
a) Because of the dowry tradition, the bride’s family must give a dowry, a “gift” to the future husband’s family on marriage in order to compensate the cost of the education of their son. That’s why women are disadvantaged.
b) Therefore families prefer to have a boy instead of a girl as child. So India is becoming a male-dominated country because of sex-selective abortion and even girls murder.
III – Nonetheless, Indian is changing towards a better path :
a) Indeed, India’s Gross Domestic Product is growing by 7% each year. High tech cities grow everywhere and the population is becoming more skilled => a middle class is emerging so the poverty decreases.
b) Furthermore, microcredit has enabled women & Dalits(=untouchables) to start their own enterprise in order to become breadwinners.
c) Besides, the government is trying to stop the gendercide & reduce inequalities with new laws which abolish the cast system & make illegal to know the sex of the baby before the birth.
In a nutshell, India is a growing country where inequalities are very important among citizens, men & women because of outdated cultural traditions. Howewer India’s development helps to counter these inequalities thanks to the wealth input & new laws.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-02-2017 16:57
Message de lelouch posté le 25-02-2017 à 15:43:08 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Les oraux du Bac approchent et ce serait très gentil de m'aider à corriger mes plans pour mes notions
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.
The notion I’m going to deal with is « Places & forms of power ». In politics and social science, power is the ability to influence people's behaviour. In order to live together members of a community accept rules. This helps to create social cohesion but can also lead to conflicts and tensions. In order to illustrate the notion, I’m going to talk about India and in particular about inequalities in India. So are all citizens on an equal footing in modern-day India? First I’m going to talk about the inequalities among citizens, then I’ll talk about inequalities between men & women and finally I’ll talk about the evolution of Indian society.
I –First of all, there are a lot of inequalities among citizen in India.
a) First, the outdated Hindu caste system is making a lot of inequalities. The Hindu caste system is a rigid class system with no social mobility into which one is born. One’s caste is determined by karma. There are 5 castes: Priests on the top of the pyramid, then Warriors, then Merchants, then Peasants and finally the Untouchables at the bottom of the pyramid. Untouchables can never move up in caste
b) Moreover, there is a huge gap between rich & poor people in India. On one hand, there is 69 billionaires in India but 42% of population is living with less than 1$ a day. Poor population also has a lower literacy rate.
II – On top of that, there are also inequalities between men & women :
a) Because of the dowry tradition, the bride’s family must give a dowry, a “gift” to the future husband’s family on marriage in order to compensate the cost of the education of their son. That’s why women are disadvantaged.
b) Therefore families prefer to have a boy instead of a girl as child. So India is becoming a male-dominated country because of sex-selective abortion and even girls murder.
III – Nonetheless, Indian is changing towards a better path :
a) Indeed, India’s Gross Domestic Product is growing by 7% each year. High tech cities grow everywhere and the population is becoming more skilled => a middle class is emerging so the poverty decreases.
b) Furthermore, microcredit has enabled women & Dalits(=untouchables) to start their own enterprise in order to become breadwinners.
c) Besides, the government is trying to stop the gendercide & reduce inequalities with new laws which abolish the cast system & make illegal to know the sex of the baby before the birth.
In a nutshell, India is a growing country where inequalities are very important among citizens, men & women because of outdated cultural traditions. Howewer India’s development helps to counter these inequalities thanks to the wealth input & new laws.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 25-02-2017 16:57
Réponse : Notion/Places & Forms of power de laure95, postée le 25-02-2017 à 17:52:53 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
I – among citizen (pluriel)in India.
a) then Warriors, then Merchants, then Peasants (trop de THEN)and finally the Untouchables
b) On (article)one hand, there is (there is + singulier)69 billionaires in India but 42% of population is living (présent simple)
II - a) on marriage: ?
b) as (article) child.
III – a) High tech cities grow (présent be+_ing)
- so the poverty decreases: présent be+-ing.
b) Furthermore,(the) microcredit has enabled women & Dalits(=untouchables)
Réponse : Notion/Places & Forms of power de lelouch, postée le 25-02-2017 à 18:15:49 (S | E)
Je peux remplacer certains then par "next" et "after" ?
Merci
Réponse : Notion/Places & Forms of power de phil512, postée le 25-02-2017 à 18:39:00 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici quelques sujets de réflexion complémentaires, en sus donc des remarques de laure95 (qui rédigeait en même temps que moi... j'ai donc évacué des doublons). Je ne prétends pas non plus à l'exhaustivité :
- Jetez donc un coup d'oeil à votre ponctuation. Point en fin de phrase, virgule après un début de phrase...
- & : à écrire en lettres
- First, the outdated Hindu caste system is making a lot of inequalities : rien de plus spécifique que "making" ?
- ... with no social mobility into which one is born. Visez-vous la mobilité à partir d'une caste où on est né vers une autre ? Si c'est le cas, votre phrase devrait être revue.
- Where one is born : ouI, "a star is born" (film)😊. Mais je garde un doute en faveur de l'expression la plus fréquente. On me corrigera si je me trompe.
- 42% of population is living : article
- Poor population has : et si vous utilisiez le terme désignant les gens, les personnes ? Ou alors mettre un article ?
- towards a better path : towards et path ne vont pas très bien ensemble, à mon estime. Path n'est pas un but ou un objectif.
- => a middle class is emerging so the poverty decreases. Des mots au lieu du signe et vous devrez peut-être remplacer "so". Et le -ING signalé par laure95.
- pour les then, vous pourriez essayer de laisser le premier, puis des virgules et enfin laisser "finally".
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