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Message de had99 posté le 15-04-2017 à 22:42:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
je passe mon examen d'expression orale la semaine prochaine et j'aurais besoin d'une petite correction et de vos avis sur mon travail. Je précise que tout n'est pas entièrement rédigé mais il s'agit d'un plan très détaillé où presque tout est rédigé.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
I am going to talk about the notion places and forms of power. To begin with, I would give a definition of the power: the power is the ability to exercise control, authority, and influence on the others. To illustrate my notion, I will talk about the power of money. Indeed, money is a form of power and often leads to conflicts. To what extent money is considered as a form of power? Firstly, we will see that money is a factor of materialism, then that it’s also a factor of immigration and finally we will see that money is a cause of social inequalities.
I.Factor of materialism
- Money is a great power because it’s the only way to improve life, to make it comfortable, it’s necessary to have money to live properly. In this way, money often make people too materialist. We can see for example in a cartoon, during Christmas season in a mall, a little boy who is setting on the legs of Santa and he is about to give him his wish list. At the same time, Santa wants to give him his resume saying to him that he will take his wish list only if the child give his resume to his dad. We can guess that Santa is unemployed and he looks really desperate and exhausted. The little boy looks astonished because he is disappointed, his dreams are shattered. This scene is very sad, the Christmas’ spirit is ruined because of the need of money, Christmas has evolved to a business.
II.Factor of immigration
- To have better life, often people choose to immigrate. The migrants can be poor people who want to find prosperity in a developed country, they can also be qualified young people… The American dream in particular is a myth born of the desire of prosperity because America was seen and is still seen like a country where anybody can prosper thanks to his work and his courage, even if he starts from nothing. The American dream is a recurrent topic in a lot of movies like Modern Times and The Immigrant of Charlie Chaplin, The Godfather…
III.Factor of social inequalities
- The poet Benjamin Zephaniah talks about this social inequalities caused by money in his poem untitled “Money” where he conveys a very negative view of money, blaming money for most of the world’s problem, in particular, he repeats the word “money” 11 times to insist on it.
This poem shows the gap between industrialized countries and developing countries and the injustice created by money. Indeed, developing countries and third world countries suffer from inequalities and have important economic problems. The author makes a hard criticism of modern society and blames rich people who do not share their wealth with people in need. This poem is also an attack on selfishness and vanity caused by money. Money is what separates people and creates injustice. The author wants to convey a message: if rich countries don’t face the problem, the gap between rich and poor will keep increasing. He wants to be the spokesman for deprived countries and wants people to bridge the gap created by money.
To conclude, we can say that money have a great power on the world to the extent that it’s the factor of many problems like materialism, social inequalities… It leads also to corruption, to reject of others… A lot of people use money to assert its power, sadly in our societies, more you have money and more you have power. To me it’s important to take a step back about money, we have to know to draw away from it.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-04-2017 22:49
Message de had99 posté le 15-04-2017 à 22:42:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
je passe mon examen d'expression orale la semaine prochaine et j'aurais besoin d'une petite correction et de vos avis sur mon travail. Je précise que tout n'est pas entièrement rédigé mais il s'agit d'un plan très détaillé où presque tout est rédigé.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
I am going to talk about the notion places and forms of power. To begin with, I would give a definition of the power: the power is the ability to exercise control, authority, and influence on the others. To illustrate my notion, I will talk about the power of money. Indeed, money is a form of power and often leads to conflicts. To what extent money is considered as a form of power? Firstly, we will see that money is a factor of materialism, then that it’s also a factor of immigration and finally we will see that money is a cause of social inequalities.
I.Factor of materialism
- Money is a great power because it’s the only way to improve life, to make it comfortable, it’s necessary to have money to live properly. In this way, money often make people too materialist. We can see for example in a cartoon, during Christmas season in a mall, a little boy who is setting on the legs of Santa and he is about to give him his wish list. At the same time, Santa wants to give him his resume saying to him that he will take his wish list only if the child give his resume to his dad. We can guess that Santa is unemployed and he looks really desperate and exhausted. The little boy looks astonished because he is disappointed, his dreams are shattered. This scene is very sad, the Christmas’ spirit is ruined because of the need of money, Christmas has evolved to a business.
II.Factor of immigration
- To have better life, often people choose to immigrate. The migrants can be poor people who want to find prosperity in a developed country, they can also be qualified young people… The American dream in particular is a myth born of the desire of prosperity because America was seen and is still seen like a country where anybody can prosper thanks to his work and his courage, even if he starts from nothing. The American dream is a recurrent topic in a lot of movies like Modern Times and The Immigrant of Charlie Chaplin, The Godfather…
III.Factor of social inequalities
- The poet Benjamin Zephaniah talks about this social inequalities caused by money in his poem untitled “Money” where he conveys a very negative view of money, blaming money for most of the world’s problem, in particular, he repeats the word “money” 11 times to insist on it.
This poem shows the gap between industrialized countries and developing countries and the injustice created by money. Indeed, developing countries and third world countries suffer from inequalities and have important economic problems. The author makes a hard criticism of modern society and blames rich people who do not share their wealth with people in need. This poem is also an attack on selfishness and vanity caused by money. Money is what separates people and creates injustice. The author wants to convey a message: if rich countries don’t face the problem, the gap between rich and poor will keep increasing. He wants to be the spokesman for deprived countries and wants people to bridge the gap created by money.
To conclude, we can say that money have a great power on the world to the extent that it’s the factor of many problems like materialism, social inequalities… It leads also to corruption, to reject of others… A lot of people use money to assert its power, sadly in our societies, more you have money and more you have power. To me it’s important to take a step back about money, we have to know to draw away from it.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-04-2017 22:49
Réponse : Bac/Lieux et formes de pouvoir de megrock57, postée le 16-04-2017 à 09:37:30 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Ton plan est très bien. Cependant au lieu de dire dans l'introduction 'Firstly...', je te recommande d'enchaîner après ta problématique en disant ceci :
1. First of all, money is a factor of materialism
2. It can also be a factor of immigration
3. But before everything, money is a factor of social inequalities
Cela montrera aux examinateurs que tu as voulu faire un travail sérieux et soigné pour réussir ton oral, ce qui leur fera très plaisir crois-moi (surtout si tu fais un Bac L) ! Et bon courage en tout cas !
Réponse : Bac/Lieux et formes de pouvoir de had99, postée le 16-04-2017 à 16:07:30 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide ! J'ai d'ailleurs oublié de préciser que je passe un BAC S mais vos conseils vont sûrement me servir je les prends en note ! Cependant, avez-vous remarqué des fautes d'orthographe ou de syntaxe ? Merci d'avance
Réponse : Bac/Lieux et formes de pouvoir de megrock57, postée le 16-04-2017 à 20:14:04 (S | E)
Dans l'ensemble, c'est très bien !
PS : tu peux me tutoyer si tu veux.
Bonne soirée !
Réponse : Bac/Lieux et formes de pouvoir de had99, postée le 17-04-2017 à 14:00:21 (S | E)
Ok, merci encore pour ton aide !
Réponse : Bac/Lieux et formes de pouvoir de bluestar, postée le 17-04-2017 à 14:21:59 (S | E)
Bonjour..
Erreurs en bleu, quelques suggestions en vert..
I am going to talk about the notion places and forms of power. To begin with, I
I.Factor of materialism
- Money is a great power because it’s the only way to improve life, to make it comfortable, it’s necessary to have money to live properly. In this way, money often make people too materialist. We can see for example in a cartoon, during Christmas season in a mall, a little boy who is setting on the legs of Santa (je dirais: sitting on Santa's lap)and he is about to give him his wish list. At the same time, Santa wants to give him his resume saying to him that he will take his wish list only if the child give his resume to his dad. We can guess that Santa is unemployed and he looks really desperate and exhausted. The little boy looks astonished because he is disappointed, his dreams are shattered. This scene is very sad, the Christmas’ spirit is ruined because of the need of money, Christmas has evolved to a business.
II.Factor of immigration
- To have better life, often people choose to immigrate.
III.Factor of social inequalities
- The poet Benjamin Zephaniah talks about this social inequalities caused by money in his poem untitled “Money” where he conveys a very negative view of money, blaming money for most of the world’s problem, in particular, he repeats the word “money” 11 times to insist on it.
This poem shows the gap between industrialized countries and developing countries and the injustice created by money. Indeed, developing countries and third world countries suffer from inequalities and have important economic problems. The author makes a hard criticism of modern society and blames rich people who do not share their wealth with people in need. This poem is also an attack on selfishness and vanity caused by money. Money is what separates people and creates injustice. The author wants to convey a message: if rich countries don’t face the problem, the gap between rich and poor will keep increasing. He wants to be the spokesman for deprived countries and wants people to bridge the gap created by money.
To conclude, we can say that money have a great power on the world to the extent that it’s the factor of many problems like materialism, social inequalities… It leads also to corruption, to rejection of others… A lot of people use money to assert its power, sadly in our societies, more you have money and more you have power. (a revoir..the more..the more) To me it’s important to take a step back about money, we have to know to draw away from it.
Réponse : Bac/Lieux et formes de pouvoir de had99, postée le 17-04-2017 à 15:01:22 (S | E)
Ah super, merci beaucoup pour votre aide !
Réponse : Bac/Lieux et formes de pouvoir de had99, postée le 17-04-2017 à 15:12:17 (S | E)
Ah super, merci beaucoup pour votre aide !
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