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Message de a16a posté le 13-05-2017 à 12:26:54 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je passe l'épreuve orale du baccalauréat bientôt et je souhaiterais établir une correction de ma notion avec vous.J'aimerais avoir vos avis pour améliorer au mieux ma copie.
Merci d'avance
Spaces and Exchanges
The notion that I’m going to deal with is spaces and exchanges. First of all, the different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other and make exchange between them. Exchange can be defined as the fact that you give something and received something else in return. It can appear on many forms: people, trade, information, etc. Here, I’m going to talk about people, more precisely the immigration, in United States, which some of them are legal and others illegal.
So, my question will be: What can be the advantages and disadvantages of immigration in United States? To answer that I will start with when the migrants arrived in the United States then I will talk about the Wall
My first document is an article published on Business week called “Embracing Illegals”. It introduces Inez and Antonio Valenzuela, two undocumented immigrant from Mexico. It explains that they arrived in America. They came to live the American Dream. They have no job, no friends, no family, they were alone. But now, they lived in good conditions even if they are illegal. This document shows that it’s linked to the notion because we have a place: United States. Also the exchange is here: the fact that they are Mexicans, and they live and work in the United States. Moreover, we can say that for the point of view of this document, they certainly bring benefits for them and for the country because they have a strong buying power.
A strong part of the Immigrants haven’t the same chance as them. Indeed, to arrived to the United States, all immigrants have to cross the wall. That’s why I’m going to talk about that for my second document.
This document is an oral comprehension about the Wall. That demonstrates that immigrants are ready to lose their lives to cross the border. For the lucky one, once they arrived, they don’t find directly a job. Furthermore, some of them live in desperate situations and wouldn’t survive without help of charities. This report is related to the notion because we have here an exchange, the same that the other document. Therefore, here we can see the disadvantages: They don’t reach to the American Dream , they reach to the American night mare.
To conclude, the immigration from Mexico to the United States can be a good thing for Mexicans who want to reach to the American Dream, but miserably they have to risk their lives for it. That point is. In my point of view, this wall shouldn’t exist. People are free. Prevent people to live their lives is inacceptable. Moreover, the migration can be a good thing for the United States because that allows discovering new culture and increasing the wealth of cultures.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 13-05-2017 13:27
Message de a16a posté le 13-05-2017 à 12:26:54 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je passe l'épreuve orale du baccalauréat bientôt et je souhaiterais établir une correction de ma notion avec vous.J'aimerais avoir vos avis pour améliorer au mieux ma copie.
Merci d'avance
Spaces and Exchanges
The notion that I’m going to deal with is spaces and exchanges. First of all, the different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other and make exchange between them. Exchange can be defined as the fact that you give something and received something else in return. It can appear on many forms: people, trade, information, etc. Here, I’m going to talk about people, more precisely the immigration, in United States, which some of them are legal and others illegal.
So, my question will be: What can be the advantages and disadvantages of immigration in United States? To answer that I will start with when the migrants arrived in the United States then I will talk about the Wall
My first document is an article published on Business week called “Embracing Illegals”. It introduces Inez and Antonio Valenzuela, two undocumented immigrant from Mexico. It explains that they arrived in America. They came to live the American Dream. They have no job, no friends, no family, they were alone. But now, they lived in good conditions even if they are illegal. This document shows that it’s linked to the notion because we have a place: United States. Also the exchange is here: the fact that they are Mexicans, and they live and work in the United States. Moreover, we can say that for the point of view of this document, they certainly bring benefits for them and for the country because they have a strong buying power.
A strong part of the Immigrants haven’t the same chance as them. Indeed, to arrived to the United States, all immigrants have to cross the wall. That’s why I’m going to talk about that for my second document.
This document is an oral comprehension about the Wall. That demonstrates that immigrants are ready to lose their lives to cross the border. For the lucky one, once they arrived, they don’t find directly a job. Furthermore, some of them live in desperate situations and wouldn’t survive without help of charities. This report is related to the notion because we have here an exchange, the same that the other document. Therefore, here we can see the disadvantages: They don’t reach to the American Dream , they reach to the American night mare.
To conclude, the immigration from Mexico to the United States can be a good thing for Mexicans who want to reach to the American Dream, but miserably they have to risk their lives for it. That point is. In my point of view, this wall shouldn’t exist. People are free. Prevent people to live their lives is inacceptable. Moreover, the migration can be a good thing for the United States because that allows discovering new culture and increasing the wealth of cultures.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-05-2017 13:27
Réponse : Spaces and Exchanges/bac de laure95, postée le 13-05-2017 à 18:05:27 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
- and make (mettre au pluriel) exchange between them.
- (an) Exchange can be defined as the fact that you give something and received (présent)something else
- the (pas de the)immigration, in (article) United States,
- which some of them are legal and others illegal: ?
- What can be the advantages and disadvantages of immigration in (article)United States?
- when the migrants arrived: the arrival of immigrants
- an article published on (pas la bonne préposition) Business week
- two undocumented immigrant (pluriel)from Mexico.
- They have (passé) no job
- But now, they lived (présent)in good conditions
- we have a place: (article)United States.
- the fact that they are Mexicans (pas de s)
- Moreover, we can say that for (from pas for)the point of view of this document,
- to arrived: to + infinitif.
- For the lucky one (pluriel), once they arrived (présent)
- without (article) help of charities.
- the same that (pas le bon mot ici) the other document. T
-They don’t reach to (pas de to) the American Dream , they reach to (pas de to)the American night mare (en un seul mot).
-to reach to
- Prevent(ing) people
- Moreover, the (pas de the)migration
- because that allows discovering (mettre to + infinitif)new culture and increasing (même chose)the wealth of cultures.
Réponse : Spaces and Exchanges/bac de a16a, postée le 14-05-2017 à 21:32:59 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
merci beaucoup pour votre aide!
Je vous envoie le corriger , vous en pensez quoi ?
Spaces and Exchanges
The notion that I’m going to deal with is spaces and exchanges. First of all, the different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other and make exchanges between them. An Exchange can be defined as the fact that you give something and receive something else in return. It can appear on many forms: people, trade, information, etc. Here, I’m going to talk about people, more precisely the immigration, in the United States.
So, my question will be: What can be the advantages and disadvantages of immigration in The United States? To answer that I will start with the arrival of immigrants in the United States then I will talk about the Wall
My first document is an article published Business week called “Embracing Illegals”. It introduces Inez and Antonio Valenzuela, two undocumented immigrants from Mexico. It explains that they arrived in America. They came to live the American Dream. They had no job, no friends, no family, they were alone. But now, they live in good conditions even if they are illegal. This document shows that it’s linked to the notion because we have a place:The United States. Also the exchange is here: the fact that they are Mexican, and they live and work in the United States. Moreover, we can say that from the point of view of this document, they certainly bring benefits for them and for the country because they have a strong buying power.
A strong part of Immigrants haven’t the same chance as them. Indeed, to arrive to the United States, all immigrants have to cross the wall. That’s why I’m going to talk about that for my second document.
This document is an oral comprehension about the Wall. That demonstrates that immigrants are ready to lose their lives to cross the border. For the lucky ones, once they arrive, they don’t find directly a job. Furthermore, some of them live in desperate situations and wouldn’t survive without the help of charities. This report is related to the notion because we have here an exchange, the same explication than the other document. Therefore, here we can see the disadvantages: They don’t reach the American Dream , they reach the American nightmare.
To conclude, the immigration from Mexico to the United States can be a good thing for Mexicans who want to reach the American Dream, but miserably they have to risk their lives for it. That point is. In my point of view, this wall shouldn’t exist. People are free. Preventing people to live their lives is unacceptable. Moreover migration can be a good thing for the United States because that allows to discover new culture and to increase the wealth of cultures.
Réponse : Spaces and Exchanges/bac de laure95, postée le 15-05-2017 à 17:17:47 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
- the immigration: pas de the.
- an article published (préposition)Business week called “Embracing Illegals”.
- Also the exchange is here: mal dit.
- because we have here an exchange: mal dit.
- , the same explication than (pas le bon mot ici)the other document.
- to discover new culture (pluriel)
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