On Sunday/aide

On Sunday/aide
Message de vamshibhanu posté le 06-06-2017 à 16:05:22 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Could you help me please and correct my text?
Thaénks for any reply.

I woke up around the 6 am in the morning. After I woke up I decided to go for a movie on my bed. After I got down from bed to complete my ablutions. However I completed my personal work. That was a very partly cuddly morning.I went to my mom from my room and I asked her please give me a hundred rupees. She asked me what is your today plan can you tell me after I will give. I said to her today I decided to go for a new Hollywood movie. She gave hundred rupees and said to me take care. In that day I didn't eat my breakfast. I was very exited to see a movie. Whatever I went to a theater by bike on quarter to a Leaven. After that I bought one ticket and I was very excited to look movie as well as some other people Also were excited to see movie .movie started and I watched and movie completed. After I delighted so much because I liked that movie. I went to my home by remembering movie fights.however I came back to my home. My mother was very excited to listen a movie story. I said story to my mom before that she asked me do want supper. I said I was hungry . After 5m I had my supper . I got my bed and also I slept

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Modifié par webmaster le 06-06-2017 22:26

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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-06-2017 07:03

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Réponse : On Sunday/aide de here4u, postée le 07-06-2017 à 10:05:43 (S | E)
HELLO!

bleu = mistake
green = suggestion
XXX= missing elements
underlined = very clumsy. Veiller à la ponctuation et les majuscules.

I woke up around the 6 am in the morning. After I woke up("after + ing" would be more common here) I decided to go for a movie on my bed. (clumsy!)After= Then, I got down from bed to complete my ablutions. However I completed my personal work. That was a very partly cuddly morning.I went to my mom from my room and I asked herXXX (here, you should either use direct speech or free indirect speech) please give me a hundred rupees. She asked me what is your today(same remark+ construction!) plan "can you tell me after I will give XXXX ". I said to= told her today (thet)I decided to go for a new Hollywood movie. She gave XX X hundred rupees and said to me XX take care. In that day I didn't eat my breakfast. I was very exited to see a movie. Whatever I went to a theater by bike on quarter to a Leaven. After that I bought one ticket and I was very excited to look XXX movie as well astogether with? some other people. Also were excited to see X movie Revoir la construcion.=. XXX movie started and I watched and movie completed. After I XXX delighted so much because I liked that movie. I went to my home by, remembering XXX movie fights.however I came back to my home. My mother was very excited to listen XX XXX a movie story. I saidXXX story to my mom before that she asked me do want supper. I said I was hungry . After 5m I had my supper . I got XX my bed and also I slept.

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